To the Mother of a Sick Child, You Are a Warrior

To the mom with a sick child, I see you.

I see you . . . 

Missing work and contemplating quitting.

Getting up and going to work on days you’re not at the hospital even though it’s the last thing you want to do.

Trying to muster up energy to clean the house but you can’t, and letting the housework go to spend one more moment with your child.

Trying to focus on the other children and feeling guilty because all your thoughts and energy are consumed by the ailments of the other.

Carrying sadness because the world goes on but your baby stays sick.

Feeling the guilt of needing time away but how dare you leave your child?

Holding it together during the procedures only to reap the outpouring of the panic attack, the chills, and shaking after it is all said and done.

Dealing with no one understanding the anxiety every day because you cannot help your child. “You just aren’t letting it go, just let it go, give it to God.”

Trying to give the anxiety to God, begging Him to fix your child and fix your brain but it stays.

Finding the strength in Jesus just to get up out of bed because you are so mentally exhausted.

Shedding thousands of tears.

Leaving your baby in the care of another person while they wheel her off for another test.

Enduring the fight with your spouse over nothing because you are both so tired.

Feeling like no one cares.

Fighting off fear of the worst every day.

Explaining to your other kids what is wrong and why the baby goes to the doctor all the time but in a way that leaves no room for them to worry.

Telling yourself what is going on in a way you won’t worry.

Beginning to obsess over the tests, the monitors, the beeps, the diagnosis, feeling like you are going crazy.

But most of all, I see you being a strong and mighty woman. I see you over there being utterly selfless. I see you loving with a love indescribable. I see you coming out of this. I see you getting to the other side with health and sanity. I see you looking back on this time and being able to breathe.

I see you as the warrior you are.

I see you.