To most parents, the sound of their newborn baby crying is, at the very least, uncomfortable. To me, it is music to my ears because it means my baby is alive. Don’t get me wrong, I still cringe and want to fix whatever is wrong, but for a few seconds at least, my heart rejoices.

My husband Jeremy and I had our first date in December of 2010. We fell in love and got married ten months later. Part of the reason we married quickly surrounded the fact we were both in our 30s and wanted children. It felt like it was meant to be because we got pregnant the week of our wedding! Six weeks later, on our delayed honeymoon, we miscarried our little peanut. We were devastated. There I was in an airport bathroom, losing our baby. We had a nice honeymoon but this cloud of sadness definitely followed us around on that trip. We met with the doctor once we returned home and were given the standard “these things happen” and “don’t worry, this is very common, everything will be fine” talk.

We waited three months and then started trying to get pregnant again. And we did on the first try! Surely THIS was meant to be. Once again, around the six week mark, we sent another baby to heaven. I had some basic testing done but everything came back normal so we were just told to try again. Just like the previous time, we got pregnant first try! This time we made it all the way to eleven weeks, but still sent another angel to heaven. I will never forget hearing the doctor say “there is no heartbeat.” I had heard those words before, but this time they practically broke me. That night at home neither me nor my husband could sleep. I remember taking a walk together close to midnight because we just didn’t know what to do. It was cold and we were sad and hurting more than I can describe.

The next year was a really long one. We lost one more baby at the six week mark and then finally determined the cause of the losses. In December of 2013 we conceived triplets (without IVF in case you are wondering!). The doctors were pretty shocked, as were we! While we were heartbroken when at the 9 week ultrasound, two of our babies did not have heartbeats, we did give birth to a beautiful baby girl in August of 2014. When our daughter let out her first cry, Jeremy and I turned to each other and started crying. That sound was the sweetest thing we had ever heard. When I look at my daughter I can’t help but wonder what her siblings would be like. I still miss them and think about our six angel babies on a daily basis.

A few weeks ago, we had a little baby boy. Every night, a few times a night, he wakes me up with his little voice. While, like every parent in the world, I look forward to the day he starts sleeping through the night, I can’t help but smile a little when I hear his sweet cry. He’s alive. He’s here. Someday he will join his siblings in heaven, but for now he is here with us, breathing, cooing and yes…crying.

My hope is that when you hear your little one cry out at night, you too rejoice because there are countless people who would give anything to hear their baby’s first cry, or in some cases, one more cry.

Kelly Ruppert Bryan

Kelly Bryan is an Emmy-award winning wife and mother of two, living in southern California. She is the Vice President of Technology for Knowledge Relay and teaches Geology part-time at both Cal State University at Fullerton and Coastline Community College. She also dances competitively with her husband in a country-ballroom dance circuit. She is passionate about sharing her life experiences surrounding her troubled first marriage, her journey to find her amazing second husband, her battle with recurrent miscarriages and her attempts at balancing family, work and fun!