Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

It has officially been one year. One year since I went through the most painful labor of my life so far. One year since my beautiful, tiny baby girl was born. At only 4.11 lbs she was a tiny miracle. But that story is for another time.

This one year mark also marks exactly one year since I have slept through the night. That’s right. My baby is one year old and she still has not slept through the night. Unless you count 5 hours once in a while through the night. 

Frankly, I don’t. 

A good 8 hours is how much sleep I need to consider being a good nights sleep. And those 5 hours? Those have been the occasional good nights that we have had. Trust me – I am all for sleep training, crying it out, and any other method you can throw at me. But when your baby has severe silent reflux, is not growing, and needs any extra calorie you can get in her, those are just not options. Even at 10 months old I was finding myself waking her up one extra time just to make sure she ate enough that day. And then there are the horrible reflux pains that leave my baby up for 2-3 hours in the night crying in agony. Those who have had babies with reflux know that it is no joke. On top of this, my toddler is still mastering the art of sleeping through the night herself. Ah, the joys of having two under the age of two. 

Moms are pros at functioning on no sleep. I’ve had countless days with only 2 hours of shut eye. I survive on lots (and lots) of coffee. I am sure many of you can relate. 

I am no hero though. These are just some of the ways that I get through the days, weeks, and months with no sleep.

  1. Prayer. Prayer. Prayer. Prayer. So. Much. Prayer. Surrounding my day in prayer.
  2. Coffee. Obviously. And if I am going anywhere that day — Starbucks.
  3. A plan. And a list. Staying focused and moving. It is the times that are slow and quiet where the exhaustion often hits me the worst. While things need to be taken slower in times of such tiredness, I also need to keep my mind off of how tired I really am. 
  4. Grace. Grace for self to have a messy house, take-out for dinner, and for the TV to be on a little more than recommended.
  5. Activities Ready and Set. On days with a little more energy, I take time to make ‘quiet’ and ‘independent’ activities ready for my toddler for the days where I am having difficulty functioning.
  6. Naps. When my girls nap at the same time, I put down everything and run to those sheets. No need to try and get things done (I learned this the hard way). I will be a happier mama for it.
  7. Scripture. Keeping verses around throughout the house strengthening and encouraging me to keep pressing on. Repeating those verses in my head again and again, reminding me of truths, and shutting down those lies that always seem to creep up most when we are weary.
  8. Frozen Meals. Whether bought, prepped, or given, my freezer always needs to be filled with meals.
  9. Help. From cleaning house, to bringing meals, to taking my kids for a couple hours, I have learned the importance and necessity of leaning on others.
  10. Daycare. I put my toddler in daycare one day a week for an entire year just to be able to have one day with a little more freedom and a little more rest. It was worth every penny.
  11. Being Honest with Self. Being honest about what I can handle, about what I can’t. About what I can say yes to and what I need to say no to.
  12. Being Okay with Saying No. From church commitments to seeing friends, I have had to learn that there is a lot less I can do when I am getting such little sleep. And that is okay for right now.

Remember – this is not forever. There WILL be a day when you will get a full nights sleep. Whether in 1 year or in 3 months, it will come. And that will be a glorious day won’t it? I am still waiting.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Esther Vandersluis

Esther is a Canadian writing from Hamilton, Ontario, living in a sea of pink as a girl mom to three. Find her on Facebook (www.facebook.com/beautifulalarm) where you will find writing for stay-at-home moms, moms with littles, sleep-deprived moms, moms feeding babies, and babies with failure to thrive, all under the umbrella of faith in Jesus Christ.

Dear Child, You Are Not Responsible for How Anyone Else Feels about You

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Teen girl looking in the mirror putting on earrings

Dear kiddo, I have so many dreams for you. A million hopes and desires run through my mind every day on a never-ending loop, along with worries and fears, and so, so much prayer. Sometimes, it feels like my happiness is tied with ropes of steel to yours. And yet, the truth is, there are times you disappoint me. You will continue to disappoint me as you grow and make your own choices and take different paths than the ones I have imagined for you. But I’m going to tell you a secret (although I suspect you already know): My...

Keep Reading

Being a Hands-on Dad Matters

In: Kids, Living
Dad playing with little girl on floor

I am a hands-on dad. I take pride in spending time with my kids. Last week I took my toddler to the park. He’s two and has recently outgrown peek-a-boo, but nothing gets him laughing like him seeing me pop into the slide to scare him as he goes down. He grew to like this so much that he actually would not go down the slide unless he saw me in his range of vision going down. When it’s time to walk in the parking lot he knows to hold my hand, and he grabs my hand instinctively when he needs help...

Keep Reading

5 Kids in the Bible Who Will Inspire Yours

In: Faith, Kids
Little girl reading from Bible

Gathering my kids for morning Bible study has become our family’s cornerstone, a time not just for spiritual growth but for real, hearty conversations about life, courage, and making a difference. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours. My oldest, who’s 11, is at that age where he’s just beginning to understand the weight of his actions and decisions. He’s eager, yet unsure, about his ability to influence his world. It’s a big deal for him, and frankly, for me too. I want him to know, deeply know, that his choices matter, that he can be a force for good, just...

Keep Reading

A Mother’s Love is the Best Medicine

In: Kids, Motherhood
Child lying on couch under blankets, color photo

When my kids are sick, I watch them sleep and see every age they have ever been at once. The sleepless nights with a fussy toddler, the too-hot cheeks of a baby against my own skin, the clean-up duty with my husband at 3 a.m., every restless moment floods my thoughts. I can almost feel the rocking—so much rocking—and hear myself singing the same lullaby until my voice became nothing but a whisper. I can still smell the pink antibiotics in a tiny syringe. Although my babies are now six and nine years old, the minute that fever spikes, they...

Keep Reading

Right Now I’m a Mom Who’s Not Ready to Let Go

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and daughter hugging, color photo

We’re doing it. We’re applying, touring, and submitting pre-school applications. It feels a lot like my college application days, and there’s this image in my mind of how fast that day will come with my sweet girl once she enters the school doors. It’s a bizarre place to be because if I’m honest, I know it’s time to let her go, but my heart is screaming, “I’m not ready yet!” She’s four now though. Four years have flown by, and I don’t know how it happened. She can put her own clothes on and take herself to the bathroom. She...

Keep Reading

Each Child You Raise is Unique

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three little boys under a blanket, black-and-white photo

The hardest part about raising children? Well, there’s a lot, but to me, one major thing is that they are all completely different than one another. Nothing is the same. Like anything. Ever. Your first comes and you basically grow up with them, you learn through your mistakes as well as your triumphs. They go to all the parties with you, restaurants, sporting events, traveling—they just fit into your life. You learn the dos and don’ts, but your life doesn’t change as much as you thought. You start to think Wow! This was easy, let’s have another. RELATED: Isn’t Parenting...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

This Time In the Passenger Seat is Precious

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Teen driver with parent in passenger seat

When you’re parenting preteens and teens, it sometimes feels like you are an unpaid Uber driver. It can be a thankless job. During busy seasons, I spend 80 percent of my evenings driving, parking, dropping off, picking up, sitting in traffic, running errands, waiting in drive-thru lines. I say things like buckle your seat belt, turn that music down a little bit, take your trash inside, stop yelling—we are in the car, keep your hands to yourself, don’t make me turn this car around, get your feet off the back of the seat, this car is not a trash can,...

Keep Reading

So God Made My Daughter a Wrestler

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young female wrestler wearing mouth guard and wrestling singlet

God made my girl a wrestler. Gosh, those are words I would never have thought I would say or be so insanely proud to share with you. But I am. I know with 100 percent certainty and overwhelming pride that God made my girl a wrestler. But it’s been a journey. Probably one that started in the spring of 2010 when I was pregnant with my first baby and having the 20-week anatomy ultrasound. I remember hearing the word “girl” and squealing. I was over the moon excited—all I could think about were hair bows and cute outfits. And so...

Keep Reading