Child Loss Grief

A Mother’s Day With Empty Arms

A Mother’s Day With Empty Arms
Written by Stacey Skrysak

The store aisles are filled with cards, florists are creating beautiful bouquets.  Mother’s Day is soon arriving. It’s a day to celebrate and pamper the amazing women in your life. But, for those spending a Mother’s Day with empty arms, it’s a day most would like to forget.

In 2013, I was pregnant with triplets, spending my first Mother’s Day growing three healthy babies. My life was filled with hope and joy. I was meant to be a mother and I had the pregnancy glow to show it. For Mother’s Day, my parents sent me three “blessing bracelets,” one in honor of each child. I remember wearing these with pride, amazed that I would finally become a mother later that year. But later, turned into sooner, as I gave birth more than 17 weeks premature. Less than two months after Mother’s Day, I became a mother to my surviving triplet, and eventually, a grieving mother to two angels.

I never put much thought into Mother’s Day after my children were born. I knew the first Christmas and Birthday would be difficult, but I honestly thought of Mother’s Day as more of a Hallmark Holiday. But as the day arrived, I found myself hiding in the bedroom. The weight of grief consuming my body; tears taking over as I laid in bed crying. Yes, I have one beautiful miracle child, but that doesn’t take away the fact that I lost her two siblings.

Mother’s Day is supposed to be a happy occasion. But, when your arms are empty, whether it be from child loss, miscarriage or infertility, it can be tough. Instead of celebrating being a mother, you wonder, why me? And as you watch Facebook explode with pictures of happy families, you think about what could have been. For me, I look at my daughter and wonder what she would be doing with her brother and sister by her side. Would her hand print card be a trio of hands? Or would each of my children make their own special Mother’s Day card for me? And for years before I became pregnant, I longed to be that happy family on Facebook celebrating the holiday. Instead, I was facing yet another Mother’s Day with empty arms due to infertility, wondering if I would ever get that happy ending.

As we get ready to shower our mothers with gifts and praise, let’s not forget those moms who may be struggling. For those who have experienced a loss through miscarriage, still birth or child loss, even though your child cannot be held in your arms, they hold a special place in your heart. You are a mother and always will be. And for those struggling with infertility, it’s completely normal to be sad. While this Mother’s Day may be heartbreaking, next year could be full of hope and happiness.

For me, I know Mother’s Day will always be bittersweet, but I’ve come to accept that this is my new normal. My heart swells with pride as I hear my miracle child call me mom. Just recently, she opened my nightstand drawer, finding the three beautiful bracelets given to me three years ago. I teared up as I saw them, since they sat in that drawer due to tarnish. As my daughter pulled them out, she asked, “What is this?” I smiled as I explained the meaning behind each blessing bracelet. Peyton looked at each bracelet, inspecting them carefully and then she repeated me, “One for Peyton, one for Parker and one for Abby.”

I am a mother to triplets. Each of my children are blessings, I just have two blessings looking over my family from above.

This article originally appeared on Perfectly Peyton

About the author

Stacey Skrysak

Stacey Skrysak may not be a native of Nebraska, but she called it home for many years. You may recognize her from her days as a morning and noon anchor on NTV in Kearney. She liked Nebraska so much, she even married into a Cornhusker family! These days, Stacey lives in Springfield, Illinois where she is a news anchor for WICS-TV. Stacey and her husband are parents to Peyton, their surviving triplet, who was born more than 17 weeks premature. Abigail and Parker are their triplet angels watching from above. Through her heartbreaking experience, Stacey has become a voice for dealing with grief, infertility and life with a micro-premie. Her triplets have touched thousands of lives around the world, thanks to Stacey’s blog “Perfectly Peyton”. Stacey looks forward to sharing the trials and tribulations of balancing work and home life, all with a little humor thrown in.

1 Comment

  • Bittersweet… yes, ma’am. That it is. Squeeze that perfect Peyton of yours <3 and I'll squeeze my little dude (maybe dudes by then) #lovefaithandinfertility <3