Sometimes It’s Hard to be a Good Mom and a Good Friend

One of my very best friends had her first baby. A baby she longed for and waited for. A baby I prayed along with her for. A baby I couldn’t wait to meet.

Her sweet baby girl came into the world beautiful, perfect, and blessed. I was beyond excited for my friend and her husband.

As a mother of two, I had already devised a plan of how I would be there for my friend when she crossed the threshold of motherhood. I would be the friend who just showed up at her door, ready to take a shift of consoling a new, crying baby. I’d find my way to the rocker and hold her precious little one on the days she really needed a few moments of a peace in the shower or a few minutes of rest in her bed.

I’d be an honest and open friend. Ready to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of being a new mom.

My plan was simple: she would never feel alone in her newfound role as mama. In the day, in the night, in the hard times, and in the beautiful ones. I planned to be there.

But time began to quickly pass. I visited her and her newborn. I sent some texts through the weeks. We would have a few phone conversations and talk about how things were going. But was I there for her like I had planned? Unfortunately, no.

I hadn’t found my way to her home in the middle of the day, so she could take that much-needed shower. I didn’t rock the baby to sleep so she could have a break. I didn’t comfort her on a bad day and assure her she would get through it. As much as I wish it were not true, I wasn’t there the way I wanted to be there for her.

Life was happening so fast in my home. As the 2-year-old tantrums and a newly-teething infant knocked on my front door, I found myself weary and tired. I found myself laser focused on my kids, on my family, on my home, and I didn’t make the time for my friend.

I have a million reasons why it was hard for me to be there, but the truth is I failed her a little. I failed myself. I could have done better. I should have done better.

It wasn’t so long ago I was lonely, leaky, and living on my last fume in a small apartment with two little ones. I remember needing help. I remember wanting the calls. I remember wishing I had someone to visit me during the day. The fog of exhaustion stills lingers over me.

If I could go back and redo the last three months, I would have made the time. Even when it was too hard. Even when I didn’t have the time. Even when I didn’t have the energy.

I know she knows if she really needed me a call would have been all it took for me to be there for her, but she shouldn’t have to call me desperately. I should have been calling her.

So my friend, if you are wondering if I forgot about how hard this time is, please know you were constantly on my mind even if my actions didn’t show it.

If you thought that maybe I didn’t call more because the beginning of motherhood was so easy for me that I didn’t think you needed me, please know that the newborn stage was one of the hardest experiences of my life—BOTH times.

If you felt that I was too busy with my own kids to help, please know I will always make time for you, and I should have made more time for you.

This mothering thing is hard. It is hard to be a good friend and mom at times. It is hard to be everything you want to be to everybody you need to be something special to. And my friend, I know you will know that burden too more and more as your new role as mom grows.

But I want you to know I wish I could have done better for you. I wish I could have been the friend you needed me to be. I wish I could have been the friend I wanted to be.

Luckily, I know there is a lot more of the hard stuff ahead in this whole being a mommy job. From what I can tell, we have our whole lives to need each other. Next time, I will be there.

You may also like:

Dear Mom Friend, I’m Here For You

Dear New Mom, You’re Killing It

Dear Mom Friend, This is What I Pray For You

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Articles by Nicole Schoolfield

Nicole Schoolfield

Nicole has gone from marketing to mommy-hood! She has one little one and another one the way! She loves all things that inspire each of us to live our best life possible. Her blog, The Extraordinary Day, has more on self-improvement, spirituality, and mommy life. You can also find her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.  

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