By Cat Borg 
My 5-year-old left her shoes at the top of the stairs today, discarded on her way to the bathroom when she came home.
My instinct was to call her back up as I sometimes do, to ask her to put them away where the shoes belong, and to take responsibility for her things. To explain to her that they were a trip hazard and ask her to remember to take them off at the front door in the future.
I did none of those things. I picked them up and I put them away.
The thing is sometimes I’m so focused on trying to teach my children to look after their belongings that it obscures my view of other important things I’m trying to teach. And I’m trying to teach them how to be kind and helpful.
Yes, I do believe it’s important to tidy belongings and look after the house. I do believe it shouldn’t always be left to me and my husband. But I also believe in helping each other out if we’re tired.
My 5-year-old has been at school all week and had a late night last night. She changed out of her uniform when I asked her and has been playing with her toys so calmly for the last hour. I could make the point of calling her back upstairs to move her shoes, or I could just put them away to help her out.
Just the same as when someone takes everyone’s glass back into the kitchen, not just their own. Just like we get on our hands and knees to help our children pick toys up and put them in the box. Or when my husband takes my coat from me and hangs it up. He doesn’t firmly tell me it’s “my coat, my responsibility,” and I believe in demonstrating that same love to our little ones.
So I picked up her shoes, and I put them away. I carried my 11-year-old’s book bag home from school the other day too because she was tired. I folded my 9-year-old’s clothes when she took them off at bedtime. These small acts of kindness are not us teaching them no responsibility, it’s us showing them that life can be tiring, and we need to help each other.
There can be a lot placed on parents’ shoulders, but I think we forget how much is placed on our children’s too. We obviously want our children to be responsible. But we also want them to know that if they’re tired, they have someone to rely on who can ease their load. We want them to know that someone sees their weariness and loves them enough to help them. That they are acknowledged, heard, and noticed, and that it’s not just about them tidying up on our command.
And my hope is that if they are shown this now at a young age, they will grow up with the willingness and ability to see someone else’s tiredness and help them as well. Life is hard enough; we need more kindness wherever it’s available. We need to know we are seen and have someone looking out for us. Maybe, sometimes, we just need someone to pick up our shoes.
by Amanda Crews 
by Jennifer Thompson 
by Katie Aubuchon 
