A few weeks ago marked what would’ve been celebrated as my 24th wedding anniversary. I literally laid in the bed all day. I wasn’t sure why at first, but my body knew. I didn’t even really want to talk to or interact with anyone until my oldest daughter (19), sent a message to our family group chat comprised of me, my ex-husband, and my youngest daughter (13).
In the message, she wished us a happy anniversary. As you might imagine, I was initially horrified and momentarily swept away by a knee-jerk rush of shame because I had failed to make it further (even though I work very hard to rewire this narrative in my head). But this feeling only lasted a few seconds until I read my ex-husband’s response. He, by the way, got remarried this past February (15 months after our divorce was finalized).
I don’t love the fact that he thinks he can speak for me (my body also remembers years of emotional turmoil), but I appreciated his sentiment and responded from the heart.
He typed: While our marriage did not work out, I believe that I can speak for your mom that we have been very blessed by being the parents of you two beautiful girls. We love you very much.
I responded by saying: Dad is absolutely right about you both being the blessing and highest form of love from our marriage.
The shame and failure I initially felt was replaced by hope that our daughters see that we are united in at least one aspect of our lives. I decided to share this to offer a glimpse of something both difficult and positive in this complex divorce journey we navigate every day (sometimes from our bed in a dark room).
Hard days come and go, but the love we have for our children is never-ending. Because of them, and what I’ve learned about myself through both marriage and divorce, I have no regrets. And it will always be our anniversary day—even though we are divorced.
Originally published on the author’s blog
by Kendra Barnes 
