This one is for all the ladies out there. The topic that is still so veiled, so mysteriously and globally absent, yet extremely vital for every woman’s wellbeing: the topic of perimenopause and menopause.
For five years now, I have been feeling off. Something in me was changing, and not in a good way. I felt overwhelming anxiety about the most random things. Going into a shop flared my anxiety up so much that I would literally pass the parking lots several times before I was able to even park. Some days, I just drove back home instead. Angry at myself for being such a drama queen. Where did this anxiety come from?
Then came the indecisiveness. The brain fog. I couldn’t remember anything anymore! I felt more depressed. Next, the joint pains began. I got up in the morning like a 101-year-old lady! Yet, I wasn’t even 40 yet. The weight started creeping up, so I went harder at the gym, ate even less, and hoped to see results. None.
I lost count of how many doctor appointments I have had in the last five years—all about the same issues, and the list grew with each visit. Like so many women, I was sent away with “Here’s some birth control to regulate your cycles and some antidepressants.” After the fourth visit, I received a referral to the psychologist because it had to be in my head.
I felt my body rapidly aging, breaking down, and just blowing up. My monthlies were all over the place, and with some digging on my own (since the doctor didn’t want to take me seriously) I came across a phenomenon that is so incredibly common, yet so unspoken about that it baffles: perimenopause.
I was so utterly unprepared for this, I had no mother to turn to for advice. So, armed with the information I had gathered, I went back to my doctor. I had gained 20 pounds steadily, which no amount of exercise and healthy eating would shake. I got a referral to the OB/GYN, full of hope to tackle this journey with grace and relief.
Unfortunately, the two I ended up seeing both did not have a clue about anything perimenopause and menopause related. I was dismissed by the first with birth control pills and a prescription for a provera cure to bring on my now 3-month late period.
It didn’t work. When I saw another OB/GYN, all my records meticulously kept and ready to discuss what’s next, he didn’t even look at my papers. All he saw, was not a person, but a BMI. I explained that the steady weight gain was one of my most terrifying symptoms, especially since obesity runs in my family on my mother’s side, and I laid out my record of each morsel that went into my mouth, along with my exercise routines.
He wouldn’t even look at it, turned to me for the first time since entering his office, and with one sentence, crushed my very soul. “Perimenopause cannot cause weight gain. You’re fat because you eat too much. Plain and simple. Consider bariatric surgery then come back.” I left that appointment feeling like a subhuman. It took me almost a year to regain the strength to continue this fight for relief.
I started following some menopause-certified OB/GYNs on social media, and suddenly, a whole new world opened up. By now I had 16 major symptoms, none of which seemed related or to make any sense.
What I learned was that, as a matter of fact, every single one of them was related to this new phase in life. When digging even deeper, 14 out of the 16 all came down to just one deficiency: estrogen had left the building and caused all these problems!
I read the comments of women in the same situation as me who had been dismissed for years. Women who were all told to “move more, eat less.” Women who were told they were “too young” for menopausal symptoms. Women who were shoved on birth control and antidepressants and referred to a psychologist. Suddenly, I no longer felt hopeless and alone, and the solution became tangible!
I’m still fighting to get a doctor’s help, but I know now what to demand. I know what I need. And I know I deserve to find relief. We all do.
I’m writing this today based on my personal experience in the hope that I can make someone else feel seen. Less alone. You’re not going crazy, and there is relief to be found. Menopause, and the time before and after, need to be spoken about more and need to be treated as the imbalance that it is. There is relief possible, and you deserve to be heard, to be taken seriously. Let’s educate ourselves so we can educate the next generation of women. Let’s demand a change for ourselves.
Note: Information included here is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
by Her View From Home 
by Jennifer Vail 
by Jennifer Allwood 
