Forgiveness Is Hard

There I was, out of breath in the cold, wet field leaning against my shovel as if it were the only thing keeping me up. Maybe it was. I was exhausted from trying to dig out dormant weeds that were well-dried in the winter clay. And let me tell you, the clay dirt in the rice field is unforgiving.

The winter season on the farm slows down when we don’t have winter crops to tend to. It’s the prime time to order supplies, mend fences, amend fields, assess last season’s crop yields, and set our New Year’s resolutions. This year, I over-confidently piled up my resolution list in preparation for the coming farm season.

Today on the farm, my husband and I were tending to the weeds at the field check-ends. In springtime, we constantly battle the weeds that quickly cover the water boxes in the rice checks. We desperately needed to spend time over winter amending the weeds around every box along each check.

I wasn’t particularly frustrated with the weeds. Though difficult and challenging, weeds are just a part of farming. I was out of breath because I was taking my frustration out on the weeds, and I knew it. You see, on the way out to the field that morning, I had another phone call that ended in a disagreement with my brother. Our distant off-and-on relationship is challenging. Sometimes I’ll explain away the distance like it’s some kind of common normalcy. Then there are days like today when frustration settles in. He’s let me down. A lot. He’s missed out on my family’s life, and I have missed out on his. So, there I was, holding an expectation captive, waiting for my brother to do what I wanted him to do.

I couldn’t help but think how Joseph must have felt about his brothers who deliberately sold him into slavery. How did Joseph reconcile the anguish? How did he come to understand siblings in a way that didn’t frustrate his heart against them? How did Joseph forgive?

Scripture shows us Joseph’s heart in Genesis 45:4-5 (ESV), “So, Joseph said to his brothers, ‘Come near to me, please.’ And they came near. And he said, ‘I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt.  And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.'”

Joseph’s brothers expected to be condemned and punished. Instead, Joseph reassured and forgave them because he recognized God’s divine plan was superior to any depth of bickering frustrations. We can see Joseph’s heart with his loving endurance when he forgives his brothers and welcomes them back.

Forgiveness is not about forgetting the past or pretending something hurtful didn’t happen. It is about choosing to surrender the hurt and allowing God’s grace to heal our hearts in its wake. As Christians, we are called to love others with a Christ-like love. With that, there is a responsibility in our faith to trust Jesus when we surrender the bitterness that controls and divides us. Reconciliation immediately removes the wedge that separates us from receiving God’s grace.

Today, God met me in that field, covered in dirt and exhaustion—exhausted from carrying the heartache of not forgiving my brother. Do you think shoveling is hard? Forgiveness is harder. It sounds easy and so effortless up until you have something you need to forgive. My shovel wasn’t what was holding me up but rather God was holding me up while waiting for me to hand over this heartache.

I know I don’t want to be like this clay dirt—unworkable, stubborn, and unforgiving. I want to be like Joseph. I want to be like Jesus. I want to be forgiving and free from the hurt and bitter attitude. I am also learning that forgiveness isn’t a one-time thing. You need to choose to put down your frustration and anger time and time again in the same way Jesus taught Peter to forgive in Matthew 18:21-22 (ESV), “Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ’I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”

Truly, there is a kind of humility that comes with forgiveness. It often happens that when we need to forgive someone, we also need to seek forgiveness. It clears out weeds for a new season and allows God’s love to flow freely.

Maybe, like me, you need to make room on your resolution list for forgiveness. Maybe you’re still wrestling with forgiveness. Forgiveness is hard when you are in the middle of wrestling with something to reconcile. Ask God to show you how He sees that person and to show you them from His lens.

Make room on your resolution list to forgive so you have more room to center on Jesus. Take my shovel. Dig out the weeds. Forgive because forgiveness offers someone a chance to experience the goodness and grace God has to offer.

So, my dear brother, I forgive you. Please forgive me too.

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SaraLeann A. Daddow

SaraLeann was raised on a horse ranch in a small California town where she rode horses, roped cows, learned the traditions of her Mennonite heritage and dreamed of helping others. In college, she studied Criminal Justice and Communications before becoming an EMT and later earned her blues and badge serving as a Police Officer. SaraLeann worked many special assignments including School Resource Officer, Patrol and Investigations. However, an injury left her unable to remain on the force. Now, as she raises her children alongside her husband Maxwell, a generational rice farmer, her compassion to cultivate a culture of Christ-like love is exemplified in her writing. Follow along as SaraLeann shares the key principles that strengthen the heart of the Christian home and Christian community.