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Surrender is scary. Giving in feels like defeat. Even when I know it’s the right thing, yielding everything to God is scary. It also feels impossible. The weight of all I’m thinking and feeling is just so dang big and ugly. Do you know what I mean?

Sometimes I cling so tightly to my fear I don’t even recognize it for what it is. Bondage. Oppression. Lack of trust. Oh, and then there’s that other thing—pride. Pride keeps me from seeing straight, and it twists all of my perceptions. It makes asking for help so difficult that I forget that it’s even an option.

I knew I crossed the line during the argument with my husband, but I was so angry and resentful, I didn’t care if my words hurt. I wanted to hurt him. After what he did to me, I had every right to feel angry. I felt betrayed and spit on. The damage he caused sent me reeling for weeks. I struggled to complete the simplest of tasks like making breakfast, playing with my kids, and folding laundry.

RELATED: To the Betrayed and Broken Heart: Healing is Possible

Then it happened. While attending a Sunday morning service, above the music I could not bear to sing to because of the tears streaming down my face, I heard His comforting voice asking me to let it go, to surrender it all to Him. I couldn’t believe He’d ask me to do that. Not about this. No way.

No. If I surrender, I lose. If I surrender, he’ll think he’s won, and I’ll get stomped on all over again. If I give in, I admit I’m powerless and weak. I can’t. I have to be strong. He needs to surrender! Not me!

Then, a vision came to mind. Jesus, nailed to the cross, looking at me. I hear him asking, “Will you be me to your husband?” At this point, I was shaking. I had no reply. How could he possibly ask me to do that?

No. There was no way I could. I do not have it within me. But his question remained, waiting for my answer, “Will you be me to him?”

What could I do? I didn’t want to refuse anything Christ asked of me. I love Him. After all He has done for me, I wanted to say yes, but I was in so much pain. How could I surrender and become like Christ to the man who wronged me? Without realizing it I said, “Yes. But you’re going to have to help me.”

This was one of the most profound encounters I’ve had with God. Desperate, I cried out for help and received an impossible challenge. Truly it was the hardest thing He’s asked me to do. To be Him. Nailed to a cross as a punishment. For what?! I was innocent. And there it was. The truth. So was He.

The Bible tells us Jesus was sinless, yet He was crucified on a cross, suffering the worst kind of torture known to man so we could be forgiven. Jesus, “who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2).

RELATED: God Actually Does Give Us More Than We Can Handle

In other words, He didn’t focus on what it was going to cost Him. He was focused on what He would gain. Union with us, if we so choose, and His rightful place at the right hand of God. To Him, it was worth it. So again, He trusted in God and His redemption plan. He chose to surrender, endure the unjust suffering, and receive the ultimate rewardunity.

It’s what He calls all of us to do—to become like Him and live like Him, knowing there is something much better on the other side of our suffering.

It’s a big ask, ladies, but there is no getting around it if you gave your life to Christ. But here’s something else there is no getting around. When you surrender your life to Christ, you gain the full benefits, and He’s always there to help you do the impossible.

So, forgive and trust His plan. Stick to your mission, continue raising amazing kids, and build your vision of a strong family. Sure it’s costly, but it’s worth it. Keep going, sister. Your vision to raise a strong family is also His visiona family built on truth, love, kindness, grace, and yes, forgiveness. So remember who the enemy is, and who it isn’t. When you walk in surrender, you walk in strength, peace, and freedom. Surrender is your superpower.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

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So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Kelly Gawitt

Kelly Gawitt offers more than just blog posts; she extends lifelines for Christian homeschooling moms seeking solidarity, understanding, and actionable advice. Whether it's managing marriage difficulties or navigating parenting dilemmas with differing viewpoints, Kelly's insights aim to empower and uplift, ensuring every reader feels supported and understood in her journey.

With a heart as wide as her experience, Kelly's mission is to guide moms through the highs and lows of family life with less stress and more joy.

Her journey hasn't been without its trials. From facing the tumults of a strained marriage to the loneliness of parenting seemingly solo, Kelly knows firsthand the amount of grit and resilience required to raise a strong family in today's ever-challenging world. Her writings are a reflection of her own path—empathetic, practical, and unguardedly vulnerable. Through sharing her stories, the mistakes she's made, and the invaluable lessons learned along the way, Kelly offers a ray of hope, encouragement, and sometimes, a dose of tough love, to those who feel overwhelmed by the toughest job on the planet.

Writing from a deep well of experience and hard lessons learned Kelly offers wisdom and insights from over twenty years of experience as a highly sensitive introvert, wife, mother, home educator, Sunday School teacher, and a small group leader. She resides in central Connecticut and works as a freelance copywriter.

For more information go to medium.com/@kellygawitt and www.kellygawitt.com. Or send an email to [email protected].

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