A few summers ago, my husband and I took our three teenage boys to the movies. We settled into our seats, popcorn in our laps. I had no idea how the story would stir something deep within me.
The movie was about a married couple who adopted three children. I immediately identified with the oldest daughter, Lizzie, who resisted her adoptive mother’s attempts to nurture and parent her.
In one scene, Lizzie struggled to comb her tangled hair. Her adoptive mother entered the bathroom and gently offered help with a detangling brush. Lizzie reluctantly agreed. You could feel the awkwardness as she began brushing. Slowly, Lizzie’s expression softened as she allowed herself to be cared for.
There I sat, with a handful of popcorn frozen mid-air, tears streaming down my face.
My son looked over and whispered in shock, “Mom, are you crying?”
I silently nodded, unable to hide my emotion.
You see, I didn’t have a mom who brushed my hair or made me feel nurtured, protected, or wanted.
When I was a teenager, my mother decided to move out of state to marry the man she was dating, leaving me and my sibling behind. Before she left, I found her journal. One sentence stood out: Finally, my escape from my hometown.
Those words wrecked my young heart.
Not having a healthy mother-daughter bond left a deep wound. It was one of the many factors that contributed to me becoming one of the most insecure young women you’d ever meet.
When I was 20 years old, my now-husband shared the truth of Jesus with me, and I placed my faith in Him. I experienced the promise of 2 Corinthians 5:17: “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (ESV)
I was made new in a moment, but I still carried many lies about who I was, my worth, and my purpose. Those lies kept me shackled to insecurity and low self-worth. I felt unworthy of love and incapable of doing anything worthwhile.
Healing didn’t happen overnight. I had to learn the crucial difference between knowing what the Bible says and believing it. There was a disconnect between my head and my heart.
Take Ephesians 2:10, for example: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (NIV)
I believed this was true for other people, but I couldn’t apply it to myself.
It’s possible to know God’s Word and still feel stuck. Maybe you can relate?
A while back, a road near our house was closed for construction. A sign read: “Road Closed for Two Weeks.” I made a mental note to stay clear of it.
Guess which way I went the first day that road closed? Yep. And not just once…it was like my brain was on autopilot as I drove that familiar route repeatedly, only to have to turn around.
That’s exactly how my thoughts had been.
I believed certain lies for so long that anytime something triggered a familiar emotion or thought pattern, my brain jumped to old defaults: I’m so stupid. I can’t get anything right.
Those lies had become strongholds.
I began to learn how to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. I put on the full armor of God and wielded the Sword of the Spirit. As I learned to abide in Jesus and His Word, transformation began.
By God’s grace, I am now anchored in the truth of who God says I am. I still face temptations to believe lies, but now I’m equipped to confront them. That scene in the movie reminded me of a bond I never had. And yes, that ache still surfaces sometimes. But now, it doesn’t send me spiraling. I can feel the ache without being consumed or defined by it.
We all carry wounds from our past. They may occasionally ache, but they don’t get to define us.
No lie, no label, no wound, no person has the authority to define you.
Only Jesus gets to do that, and He calls you chosen, beloved, and free!
Priscilla Shirer once said, “Only the One who created you has the authority to define you.”
So if you’re carrying old wounds and the ache still surfaces now and then, be encouraged: your past does not define you.
And if you’re wrestling with lies that seem too deep to shake, take heart: authentic healing and freedom are possible in Jesus!
by Sandra Samoska 
by Leslie Deane-Mountjoy 
