I Am a Domestic Abuse Survivor

Seven simple words from my 8-year-old daughter gave me the courage and determination to change my life forever. I will never forget that day—or the single, stark sentence that set me on a path to create a brighter future for both of us.

It was a beautiful fall day, and my mom, daughter, and I were sharing pizza at our local restaurant. Mom and I were talking about our old neighbor, Mary, who had recently passed away. I was reminiscing about how radiant Mary had been for the last 20 years with her second husband—how she had glowed when talking about him, gushing about their early dates after escaping a toxic first marriage.

“It was so wonderful that Mary found love again,” I told my mom.

My daughter continued eating, seemingly lost in her own world. I thought she wasn’t even listening.

Then, out of nowhere, she looked up and declared loudly, “Mom, Mike doesn’t treat you right either!”

Those words cut me to my core. She was talking about her father—my husband of 20 years. What struck me most was that she didn’t even call him “Dad.” She used his first name, revealing she felt no loving connection to him.

Rationally, I knew she was absolutely right. My husband hadn’t treated me well for most of our marriage. The disrespect, criticism, jealousy, controlling behavior, and aggression had only gotten worse over the years.

For two years, I had been preparing—mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially—to leave my unhappy marriage. Yet I was still questioning whether it was right. He had promised to change, to seek counseling. I was terrified to give up my home and everything I’d known. As a stay-at-home mom, I wasn’t sure I could make it alone.

My daughter’s seven simple words changed everything. I realized that not only could I make this change—I had to.

I had naively believed my daughter and her three older brothers weren’t seeing the mistreatment. But this moment shattered that illusion. Little eyes and ears always see and hear far more than we realize.

By staying in this toxic situation, I was inadvertently teaching all my children that disrespect and mistreatment were normal parts of relationships. My daughter’s bold truth-telling shocked me. Her pure heart recognized what I was tolerating, and her bravery in speaking that truth shattered years of lies I’d been telling myself.

I had to stop denying, rationalizing, and waiting. I needed to model for my children what it looks like to be a strong, confident woman who stands up for herself.

That day, I decided to end the cycle of abuse and show my children what self-care, resilience, and bravery look like.

I found a rental home, gave my husband five days’ notice, and moved out.

It’s been five years now—a time of enormous adjustments filled with growth, heartbreak, self-discovery, and celebration. But I don’t regret my decision for a single minute.

My divorce was finalized in March 2021. Since then, I’ve succeeded in a new career, and purchased my own car and a beautiful home for my family. I’ve traveled solo and with friends. Piece by piece, I’ve reconnected with myself and rediscovered my passion for dancing and singing and performing on stage. I’ve faced my trauma, learned from it, and moved forward as a survivor of domestic violence.

I’m proud of myself for making it on my own and learning to love myself again. Most importantly, I no longer live in fear, and I’ve learned to silence the critical voice of my ex that once echoed in my own head. I’m grateful to be creating a loving, accepting home for my children.

I want to encourage other women facing similar circumstances: You are strong. You are worth so much more. If you choose to leave, peace, security, and freedom can be waiting for you!

The path isn’t easy—there will be moments of doubt, financial stress, and loneliness. But the fear of change is almost always worse than the change itself. You don’t need to have it all figured out before you take that first step. You just need to be brave enough to believe you deserve better.

Start small if you need to—reach out to a friend, contact a domestic violence hotline, or simply acknowledge to yourself that what you’re experiencing isn’t acceptable. Trust your instincts. If your children are noticing, if friends are concerned, if that voice in your head keeps whispering “this isn’t right”—listen to it.

My magnificent journey began with seven simple, life-changing words.

When will yours begin?

October is Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention Month. If you or someone you know needs support, call 1-800-799-SAFE or text “START” to 88788.

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Articles by Adrienne West

Adrienne West

Adrienne is a Colorado native and would not want to live anywhere else! When she is not busy deciphering the perplexing boy brain of her three sons, or trying to please her diva daughter, you will most likely find her nose in a book or busy writing. She also loves finding great happy hour places with her husband, and acting young and sometimes crazy with friends! She does not spend enough time outdoors (unless forced to) and comes up with any excuse to put off cleaning her chaotic house. She is very grateful for her completely imperfect life.