Child Loss Grief Journal

After Losing My Son, I Found My Calling

After Losing My Son, I Found My Calling www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Missy Hillmer

God does not call the qualified . . . He qualifies the called. I’m sure you have heard this phrase. Today as I sit here at my computer gathering my thoughts I am thinking about just that. I am wondering what my calling is, am I qualified and how do I know I’m doing what God wants me to do? This last year I have really struggled and I don’t feel like I am qualified for much of anything. However, when I sit down and think about it, I know and believe God does have a plan for each one of us. He won’t write it on a piece of paper and nicely lay it on the kitchen table with a daily plan. He wants us to learn, trust and figure it out even when it’s challenging and impossible to go on.

I have always wondered if I was following God’s plan way before my son Tyler’s accident. But now I am even more interested. Saying “yes” to God’s plan may cause us to be scared and fearful, we may not want to hear his plan because it’s not working into the plans we have for our life. We are also scared at the direction it will lead us and what others will think. So instead of following, we just run the other way hoping it will not follow us. However, most times the things that we avoid are the things we desperately need. I’m starting to better understanding it after reading these two books, “To Heaven & Back” and ”7 Lessons From Heaven” by Mary C. Neal, M.D.

In my case, I wanted to know the end result before I was going to say “yes” to His plan. I guess that is because I wanted to still be in control, not letting my defenses down and trusting God’s plan. I did not believe I was qualified, I felt like I didn’t know how to do what he was asking me and I didn’t know who to tell what I needed. I am so glad God already knows we will be scared and he reminds us in the following verse:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

I have noticed God has given me nudges throughout my life. They are not always ones I feel comfortable with or understand, but I have learned to listen and act on them. It was about a year and a half after my son Tyler’s car accident that I would start to follow God’s plan. You see, I had a number of friends encourage me to tell my story after the horrible night on August 23, 2013 when we lost Tyler. But I had no idea why. Why would someone want to hear my story? I’m only Missy Hillmer. I am a nobody, I’m not famous, I don’t even know who to write for, plus it’s been forever since I was in high school or college. Well, God had a plan! He put the right person in my life, that lead me to the right person to submit my article to, who he knew would listen and tell my story. It was at that moment my story started to help others. I had no idea I would be the vehicle for God to help, heal and give hope to others who were hurting. You see my only goal was that someone would read my article! I really didn’t believe anyone would care or even want to pass it on to help another person get through a loss. It is to my great joy that my articles have been passed on to thousands of people who are grieving, hurting and need hope.

I still do not understand how losing my sweet 15-year-old son Tyler can be a gift. But, maybe my gift is that I am the person God knew would listen to His calling and tell my story to help countless others who are heartbroken because of a loss. I feel honored but yet very humbled that what I have to say can make a difference. I have learned that God will not do the things He wants us to do. Just like a horse you can lead him to water but he has to want to drink. God created each of us with a gift. I have found through this journey of loss that I am an example for others. My articles are a place they can go without talking to anyone. They can read, feel, cry and know someone truly understand what they are feeling. I can tell you that this gift was not something I was qualified for, hoped for, or planned for. But as I mentioned earlier God does not call the qualified . . . He qualifies the called. I believe I have been called and glad I said “yes” to the call.

So I ask you, what is your calling? Are you willing to listen and do what God has planned for you no matter what?

About the author

Missy Hillmer

My name is Missy Hillmer. I’m married, live in a small town named Palmer, NE and have 3 children. Jake is our oldest who is 19 years old and Gracie is 11 who lives here with us. Tyler which was 15 years on August 20, 2013 is now in Heaven. He was killed in a car accident just 3 short days after his 15th birthday.

I am very honest, very real sometimes to the point of not being fun, I guess that’s because I’m a black and white kind of girl. I like to look at the positive in every situation. I really believe there are two ways to look at things. Look for the bad or the good. The “bad” does me no justice and can spiral out of control in a heartbeat. The “good” however gives me hope and it connects with my belief that God is with me through everything.

I believe my faith has gotten me through life and especially since my son’s accident. I pray a lot more, watch for the signs that God gives me, listen to my inner gut feeling, as my husband calls it and really focus on living a simple life. Family means everything to me, I love to laugh and think it’s the best medicine for any problem. Music soothes my sole and being outside in the sun brings me great joy!

I have learned that many times you cannot control the storm in your life but, you can learn to dance in the rain. I really mean it when I say DANCE in the RAIN! The summer before Tyler’s accident, Tyler, Gracie & I danced in the rain. This memory I will never forget!

Since Tyler’s accident I am passionate about telling my story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person.