I’ve debated on this post for a while but I’ve decided that I’d show the hard parts of the aftermath of giving birth, and the ultimate sacrifice that mothers make from day one. 

Kevin snapped this of me. This was two days after I gave birth to Layla. Eating my “nice meal” provided by the hospital. An overcooked steak and sides. I was in new territory. Learning to breastfeed this little human being I just brought into the world. Wearing these big mesh panties, still sporting a pregnant belly. No one told me your belly doesn’t go down immediately. No one told me I’d be bleeding out. 

No one told me I would spend hours crying and full of emotion. I remember just laying there in the hospital bed crying. I was crying because my baby girl was finally here.
But wait, that means she isn’t protected inside of me anymore. And that’s a scary feeling. 

At one point, I think Kevin was at a loss. I realized that when I was being held by him in the hospital shower and I was just crying uncontrollably. It’s all a blur but I do remember saying “she’s not safe inside of me anymore” and that was a really hard thing to work through. 

I was also in so much pain. No one tells you that typically with a “quick delivery” comes a bad rip. I ripped all the way up and down, and also side to side. The weeks following I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t use the bathroom. I wore these big Depends diapers. I never thought I would be normal again. Kevin had to help me do EVERYTHING from pee, to walk up stairs. 
Being a mom is the ultimate sacrifice. 
You give up your body for nine months to grow this little baby. 
You go through labor and delivery. 
You go through the emotions that come with childbirth. 
You let go of all shame as you walk around your house in diapers and ask your significant other to spray warm water on your rip while you pee to avoid that burn. 
You spend tireless hours latching your baby and feeding your baby to establish and keep up your milk supply because you want to breast feed so. damn. bad. 
You remain patient through leaps, growth spurts, and cluster feeding. 
But most importantly, moms give up who they were before they were mothers. Most moms give up a lot of their hobbies, dreams, and plans. Moms put their lives on hold so their babies can live out theirs. We deal with so many emotions that we internalize—just so we can be mothers to our babies. 
Don’t ever discredit a mother. You don’t know the half. I used to be Autumn. Fun-loving, crazy, outgoing Autumn. But now I’m Layla’s mama. And I’m OK with that.
*Our thanks to Autumn for allowing Her View From Home to run this powerful piece. Autumn said this baby is her, “miracle baby”. She has severe PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and her husband is 98% sterile. “We love being parents,” she told us. Congratulations on your tiny miracle! 

This article originally appeared on Facebook – written by Autumn Benjamin


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