Kids Relationships

Dear Husband, This Season of Life Isn’t About Us

Written by Megan Vollmer

Dear husband,

Parenting is a full-time, all-consuming, selfless job. It takes a great deal out of both you and me. We both know that our marriage is a constant work in progress and that we should both be putting in effort. We do. It just might not be the same as it was before we had two tiny humans depending on us and running underfoot while we try to get anything accomplished. Things are a little slower, which is probably why we are always running late.

We know quality time is important; we hear it all the time. But it is difficult to have a conversation with our toddler yelling “Mom!” every five seconds. He is quite the distraction sometimes. I promise I’m listening when you tell me about your day or your work. I might need you to repeat it though, because I was also being asked for a “blue red” cup at the same time. It’s challenging to have any kind of thoughtful, coherent discussion when I haven’t slept in months and am running on empty. Three a.m. me is crabby; you are well aware and love me through it.

It’s hard to spend alone time together when the baby cries when she isn’t attached to my chest. Sometimes you feel like I just don’t want to, I know that. It’s only partly true. It’s not you, it’s me. But really, it is me—I just need an hour when no one is touching me, needing me, or talking to me. It won’t always be this way. Please be patient with me right now, though, and know it isn’t personal.

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I know it’s frustrating. Sometimes it feels like our children are stealing us away from each other. The undivided attention I once gave you has turned to a small fraction of that now as our kids require my constant attention. They get jealous if we hug or kiss, and just want to be included. Though it’s cute and I wouldn’t trade them for the world, I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss you or having you all to myself at moments. I know you feel the same way sometimes. We’ll continue to be affectionate though, because it’s important for them and us. It won’t be long before they think we’re gross for kissing (each other and them).

This season of life is about our beautiful babies who need us for everything right now. It’s a struggle. It’s time consuming and exhausting, hard work. But at the same time, our house is full of so much love (and a lot of noise). Our love created this, all of it. While it might be hard to find time for “just us,” our love is still there, growing and flourishing. It just looks a little different now. It’s these two little babies. It’s watching them grow and learn. Our date nights are casual and quick more often than not, but you and I are what really matters, not what we’re doing. It might be watching a movie at home after the kids are in bed or with the teething baby sitting on my lap. It’s stolen moments in the kitchen while we wait for coffee to brew or holding hands in the minivan. Our romance might be more of a simmer than a large flame right now, but I still get butterflies when you take one for the team and drink the coffee at the bottom of the pot because you know I hate it.

Though we aren’t each other’s sole focus anymore, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. These two little minis of ours are the best of both of us. Our love has grown a thousand sizes because of our babies; it just might look a little different than it used to. Just know you’re still the love of my life, and I am so thankful you gave me two more loves.

Forever and always,
Your wife

About the author

Megan Vollmer

A young mom to two kiddos under three who is trying to find my sanity and coffee. Writing is my way to document the raw struggles, the humors, and the joys of motherhood. I come from a large, dysfunctional family that is filled with love, bad jokes, and we’re all way too close for comfort.