Dear Toddlers, We Need to Talk

Hello my sweet little monsters,

Listen. We need to talk. I love you, you know I really do. It’s just lately I’m wondering if you are deliberately trying to put me in a mental hospital. If you are ,well then, good job! I’m almost there. There are a few things I would like to discuss with both of you, so if you could listen up that would be great.

I love that you both love me so much and want to constantly be around me, but just curious. . . do you have to be in the bathroom with me every time? Do you really need to try and sit on my lap while I’m in there? It kind of seems unnecessary. Or how about when I’m cooking dinner. Do you really need to hold onto my leg while I try not to burn myself? What about when I’m free and sitting on the couch? Why is it that all of a sudden you don’t want to climb all over me and cuddle? Is it just not fun when I’m a sitting duck? I guess that makes sense.

Moving on to these tantrums that have become normal around here. What’s the deal? You asked for ice and I said okay and got you some. Why are you screaming and crying on the floor like I took away your favorite toy? Did you not want ice? Sorry, I confused your request for ice for wanting ice. Also, if we could refrain from throwing such horrific tantrums while I’m on important phone calls or while we are in the store, that would be fantastic. I mean, I love being stared at like we are the traveling circus just as much as the next mom, but I could totally do without.

Now let’s talk about your sleeping habits, because I’m almost positive if you guys slept better you wouldn’t have so many meltdowns. But what do I know? I’m just your mom. Sweet daughter of mine, could we revisit you taking a nap on a daily basis? I know you think you can go without and yeah, sometimes you can. Although, every day is starting to wear on you. Let’s face it, you turn into the Hulk after a few days and it is not fun for any of us. You guys are the ages of 3 and almost 2, it is time to start sleeping through the night. Seriously guys, momma is tired. Just stay asleep.

Lastly is your eating habits. I totally get that you guys love chicken nuggets and pizza. We do too because I mean, they are delicious. But could we get you guys to try maybe a vegetable every once in awhile? That way I don’t have to avoid eye contact with your pediatrician when she asks me if you guys eat healthy. Juice counts as a serving of fruit, right? I’m pretty sure it counts.

I know this toddler age is just a phase and supposedly I’m going to miss it when it’s gone. If we could just tone it down a bit though I think we would get along much, much better. Don’t you agree?

Think it over and we can discuss changing some of these habits. I love you both so, so much.

Love,
Your on-the-verge-of-losing-her-mind mother.