My sweet child,
I have always been a fan of the big guy upstairs, but I’ve never felt like I have needed Him more than since having you. This parenthood thing? It’s not for the faint of heart. So often, I wish that when the doctor announced “It’s a boy!” he also would have followed it up with “. . . and here is his instruction manual, Mama!” There is no doubt: by now, I would have read that thing cover to cover, a million times over.
Had I been sent home from the hospital with a big book of directions, perhaps the intro section would have read something like this:
“Welcome to parenting. You are about to experience some of the most wonderful moments of your life. But there will also be hard times full of sadness and heartache. In all of these times, recognize you have been given a most precious gift. You’ve got this, Mama. But when you feel like you don’t, look up to the heavens and pray.”
These prayers I have uttered since the day you were born? I want you to know, they will never stop.
When I am at a loss for how to best parent you, when I don’t know the right way to guide you through a certain challenge or stage . . . I pray.
When anxious thoughts swirl in my head, and I worry about how the decisions I am making now will impact your future . . . I pray.
When I am utterly exhausted and feel like I couldn’t possibly give any more of myself . . . I pray.
When you attempt to do something for the first time, and I can’t help but let a little bit of worry mix in with the pride I feel . . . I pray.
When I see your heart breaking into a million pieces right before my eyes, when I can’t do anything to fix it except hold you as the tears stream down your face . . . I pray.
When I send you out the door in the morning, into a world that often times feels too harsh for tender little souls . . . I pray.
When you are sick, and I’m trying to figure out exactly what is wrong and the best course of action to take . . . I pray.
And when my heart is bursting—with joy, and happiness, and overwhelming gratitude —I pray a prayer of thanksgiving.
I know I can’t always protect you from the hurts of this world. I know I will make mistakes where you are concerned. I know there will be times of disappointment on both our parts. But please remember, sweet child. There won’t be a day that goes by that I won’t pray for you. I know the big guy upstairs had a plan when He decided I was the perfect mama for you. And no matter what, I’m so grateful to be a part of that plan.
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