Knowing You've Had Your Last Baby Is So Bittersweet

Knowing You’ve Had Your Last Baby Is So Bittersweet

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I didn’t know my last baby was my last baby. We had talked about our last baby, sure, but not in certain terms. In all honesty, I didn’t know that I could have children in the first place. Then, I had two. We fostered. My picture of my family changed over and over as our family grew and life changed.

I didn’t know my third child would be born in a hurry, with medical concerns that would lead to us being advised not have more children.

I didn’t plan for our foster license to expire as we navigated these medical needs. And by the time we found our footing again, babies seemed like a distant dream we passed in a blur as our oldest turned 10.

I didn’t know then what I know now—that our last baby was certainly our last baby. It’s a grieving of its own to accept a season of parenting and life is ending, and a new one is beginning. It’s a finality, whether you chose it or not. In some cases, I know it is welcomed. It is closure and certainty and gratitude and a “we did it.” I feel that too.

That’s what makes it such a whirlwind of emotion. We feel like we have been parenting long enough that being parents is all we remember—but it also feels like it went by in a blink. Whether you knew your last baby was your last baby or not, whether you welcome it with excitement, gratitude, grief, or a little mix of it all, it’s a milestone we often don’t recognize or know how to talk about.

I was at the park the other day with another mom who was wrestling with this idea. I told her where I was. She was going back and forth. Was her last baby her last? She wasn’t sure. She talked about the factors and situations and experiences on her mind. I admired her openness and vulnerability, the willingness to share this part of her story that didn’t look like mine. But it didn’t have to. My tear-filled eyes looked into hers, and we both knew we shared similar sentiments about motherhood. And in that moment, both of us felt seen, just by being able to say it aloud to another mom as she thinks about that last baby, and what a gift growing a family surely is.

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Hannah Dearth

Hannah is a Christian, wife, mother. On her page and blog, Gracefully Broken by Hannah Dearth, she writes about faith, motherhood, and more, in efforts to show the grace of our Father even in, especially in, our brokenness.