It has been almost one month since my husband finally broke down and told me he couldn’t do this anymore. This, as in, our life, marriage, home, the suburbs. I have been waiting for years for him to do this, but holding on to hope and love that we would reconnect and rediscover how we fell in love.

It turns out that marriage is not for him.

The responsibility, the pressure, the vulnerability. He stopped turning to me when times got too rough. He stopped turning to me when he needed support and help. He just stopped. Loving me. Wanting me.

The pain is overwhelming. It takes my breath away. Those first 2 weeks I couldn’t breathe. I helped him divide our things. I watched him prepare to move out. I am preparing to sell our home that we just bought 6 months ago. The pain is constant. I feel like I will never be normal again. My heart is so damaged and broken.

Then I remember. God loves me. My two boys love me. My family and friends love me. I don’t know why this is happening to me. Why I must endure this pain and suffering. Yet, deep in my heart, I know God has a plan for my life. That is separation and divorce is just a part of what HE has in store for me. I am strong because He loves me. I am surviving because He is carrying me. I will get through because I have my Lord by my side.

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