Yep, that is pretty much how I feel. Lately, I wonder if anyone sees me at all. I have lived in this place for almost half my life. I’ve made a lot of “friends.” I know a lot of people. But for some reason, I am more alone now than ever. I’ve even lost my best friend. Someone who I thought would be in my life forever. We’d been friends the better part of 14 or 15 years. We were the kind of friends that talked or texted almost everyday. We might go a few days without when our time was filled with kid duties. Summertime was usually especially bad. She has more kids than I do, so she has her hands full. But for some reason this summer we lost touch. I believe in part because I stopped reaching out to her. I was beginning to feel like I did all the work. So, I stopped. Weeks went by. I got one little text from her. More weeks went by. Nothing.

Friends that I text, sometimes don’t text back. I don’t get asked to participate in things they do. I ask people to do things, and they do. But it never gets reciprocated. Have you ever felt like no one thinks of you? 

Is it me?

I think I am a fairly kind and generous person. But it seems like the only time someone does reach out to me is when they need or want something. Maybe I’m too nice. Are people just too busy? I’m almost to the point that I don’t want to answer a text or phone call because it isn’t going to be for something fun. It’s not going to be a shopping trip or an invite to a girls night out. 

Maybe I have some annoying habit that people can’t stand. Do I smell? Is it my weight? These are all stupid things that go through my head.

It makes me think… Would anyone even notice if I went missing? If I died, would anyone come to my funeral? 

Now I know what you’re thinking. Girl, you need to get some help. Honesty I’m fine. But it hurts. It hurts a lot. Sometimes I think that I’ll just sell off everything I own and move somewhere. But I can’t, not until my kids are done with school. 

The only thing I do have are my kids. But they are teenagers. They don’t need me as much as they used to. 

I try really hard to see what God wants me to learn from all this. I know that he wants us to rely on him for everything and turn to him for all our needs. And I get that. But sometimes, feeling not so alone in this world is a good thing. And having someone that talks with you feels good.

I don’t want others to feel this way, but I sure hope I’m not alone in my thinking.

Maybe I’m just too pretty for everyone and it intimidates them… Yeah, I bet that’s it. 

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