Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

My kitchen is spotless. There isn’t one dish in the sink or a crumb to be found. In fact, I haven’t been to the grocery store in days.

The television is idle, and the pillows sit on the couch, exactly where they are supposed to be.

It’s 5 p.m., and it’s quiet. The laundry room doesn’t produce the familiar round-the-clock hum, and there are no feet stomping up and down the stairs.

I haven’t used the dishwasher in four days.

I skim through a magazine while the dog sits at my feet, both of us wondering when my husband will arrive home. I’ve filled my day with work and exercise and chores, but I look forward to some company.

This is not the norm for me. I am the mother of three active tweens/teens, and our typical life is complete chaos. My home is usually filled with scores of kids from the basement to the bedrooms. There are hair ties on every counter and smelly athletic gear scattered throughout the house. There are usually piles of paper and laundry and dishes in every room.

But not this week.

For the first time in nearly 14 years, all three of my daughters are out of the house at the same time enjoying themselves at sleepaway camp.

I’m experiencing the first taste of the empty nest, and it’s bittersweet.

My house is clean, but also achingly quiet. My time is my own, yet I miss the conversations I usually hold in the car each day. I am extremely productive, yet find myself wandering around my empty house, wondering what my children are doing at that same moment.

I keep myself busy, yet I also feel lost. I find myself face-to-face with a reality I’m not quite ready to accept, a life that is racing toward me at the velocity of a high-speed train.

I’m living my future, and it’s a heavy weight to bear.

Life somehow carries on when my children aren’t around, yet the house seems too big and the silence deafening.

My husband and I enjoy long dinners and take walks and watch a movie without ever needing to pause so we can pick up a child from a friend’s home or fix the WiFi or take someone to practice. It’s good to know we still function as a couple instead of only Mom and Dad.

This school year was tough, an emotional roller coaster for all involved. There were days I was so proud of my kids I thought I would burst, and then there would be a dip so low I felt we would never recover. In the middle there were moments I was dizzy with exhaustion and joy and frustration and stress and “Do I really have to figure out what to make for dinner again?”

This week, however, while a weight was lifted from the all-consuming stress of raising tweens and teens, there was also a giant void of emptiness I’m not ready to face. I don’t necessarily miss the pandemonium that comes with my three girls, but I certainly miss them.

I miss the laughter in my hallways and the sarcasm at my breakfast table. I miss the conversations in my minivan and the late-night whispers in their bedrooms. I miss the hugs from long, gangly arms and the music that’s always too loud and the shouts of hello coming through my front door.

I miss the pieces of my heart who are sleeping two hours away.

What I found this week is that I can both love the feeling when they are home with me, and the feeling when they are away. And while I’m not ready to push my baby birds out of the nest for good, I have hope I can find a new life when they are ready to soar on their own.

So, I take the quiet to reflect on the joy they are having while away from our home, and I take a moment to experience gratitude for what will come back to me soon.

Because the pieces of my heart may return to me later this week, but they were never mine to keep.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Whitney Fleming

Whitney is a mom of three teen daughters, a freelance writer, and co-partner of the site parentingteensandtweens.com You can find her on Facebook at WhitneyFlemingWrites.

Brothers Fight Hard and Love Harder

In: Kids, Motherhood
Two boys play outside, one lifting the other on his back

The last few years have been a whirlwind. My head has sometimes been left spinning; we have moved continents with three boys, three and under at the time. Set up home and remained sufficiently organized despite the complete chaos to ensure everyone was where they were meant to be on most days. Living in a primarily hockey town, the winters are filled with coffee catch-ups at the arena, so it was no surprise when my youngest declared his intention to play hockey like his school friends. Fully aware that he had never held a hockey stick or slapped a puck,...

Keep Reading

Stop Putting an Expiration Date on Making Memories

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother and son in small train ride

We get 12 times to play Santa (if we’re lucky). This phrase stopped my scroll on a Sunday evening. I had an idea of the direction this post was going but I continued on reading. 12 spring breaks 12 easter baskets 20 tooth fairy visits 13 first days of school 1 first date 1-2 proms 1-2 times of seeing them in their graduation cap and gown 18 summers under the same roof And so on and so on. It was essentially another post listing the number of all the monumental moments that we, Lord willing, will get to experience with our...

Keep Reading

When Your Kids Ask, “Where Is God?”

In: Faith, Kids
Child looking at sunset

How do I know if the voice I’m hearing is God’s voice? When I was in high school, I found myself asking this question. My dad was a pastor, and I was feeling called to ministry. I didn’t know if I was just hearing my dad’s wish or the call of God. I was worried I was confusing the two. It turns out, I did know. I knew because I was raised to recognize the presence of God all around me. Once I knew what God’s presence felt like, I also knew what God’s voice sounded like. There is a...

Keep Reading

Go Easy On the Parents Who Refuse to Skip Naps

In: Kids, Motherhood
Two little boys and their sister walking down a gravel road, color photo

Greetings from a mom who is done with napping children. It’s great to have the flexibility during the day for longer activities, meeting friends for playdates, or day trips to faraway places. It’s a new life . . . the life without naps. The freedom to make plans and keep them. But not that long ago, I was something very different than the flexible, plan-keeping, up-for-it woman I am today. I used to be the mom who refused to skip my child’s nap. Yep, that one. Here’s the thing, for a lot of parents, It’s so much more than just a...

Keep Reading

My Heart Isn’t Ready for You to Stop Believing in Santa

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy standing in front of lit christmas tree

“My friend doesn’t believe in Santa anymore, Mom,” my son said out of the blue the other day. We were driving in the car, and when I met his gaze in the rear-view mirror his eyes searched mine. Immediately, my heart sank.  This sweet boy, he’s our first. Thoughtful and smart and eight years old. A quick Google search tells me that’s the average age kids stop believing in Santa, but as his mom, I’m not ready for that—not even a little bit.  I can still hear his barely 2-year-old voice going on about reindeer as we lay together on...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, This Is My Wish for You

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother hugs three kids

To my kids, The world you’re stepping into is unlike anything I experienced at your age. It’s fast-paced, interconnected, and sometimes overwhelming. But within this chaos lie countless opportunities for growth and joy. My wish for you is that you find the perfect balance between embracing the modern world and staying true to yourselves. Change is one thing you can always count on. Embrace it because it’s often the motivation for growth. Embracing change doesn’t mean letting go of who you are; rather, it’s about evolving into the best version of yourself. Remember, you don’t need to have all the...

Keep Reading

Motherhood is a Million Little Letting Gos and Fresh Hellos

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother sitting with child on her lap by the setting sun and water

I missed my grocery-shopping buddy the other day. Mondays are usually the days my littlest and I knock out our grocery list. In the past, we’ve dropped the kids at school and then headed to the store. I grab a latte, and she chooses a hot chocolate. But that day, they were all in school. That day, she sat in her kindergarten class, and I went to the grocery store. Alone. A new rhythm. A changed routine. A different season. I listened to a podcast on the drive. My podcast. Then I grabbed a drink. Just one. I got the...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter, Stay Wild

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother and daughter on beach, color photo

I can’t really put my finger on it. Or manage to find all the words. But there’s just something about that girl. Maybe it’s the way her hair sits tangled. Curled up at the end. The way she moves. Dances. As if everyone was watching. Or no one at all. RELATED: There is Wild Beauty in This Spirited Child of Mine It could be the way she smiles. With her heart. The way only she can. The way she cares, loves. For everyone. For herself. You see, she is beautiful in the way only wild things are. The way they...

Keep Reading

You’re Becoming a Big Sister, But You’ll Always Be My Baby

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood
Pregnant woman with young daughter, color photo

The anticipation of welcoming a new baby into the world is an exciting and joyous time for our family. From the moment we found out we were expecting to just about every day since, the love and excitement only continue to grow. However, amidst all the preparations for the new addition, I cannot help but have mixed emotions as I look back at old videos and pictures of my firstborn, my first princess, my Phoebe—for she will always hold a special place in my heart. As the anticipation grows, my heart swells with a mix of emotions knowing we are...

Keep Reading

Cowgirls Don’t Cry Unless the Horse They Loved Is Gone

In: Grief, Kids, Loss
Little girls Toy Story Jessie costume, color photo

The knee of my pants is wet and dirty. My yellow ring lays by the sink—it’s been my favorite ring for months. I bought it to match Bigfoot’s halter and the sunflowers by his pasture. Bigfoot is my daughter’s pony, and I loved him the most. The afternoon is so sunny. His hooves make the same calming rhythm I’ve come to love as I walk him out back. A strong wind blows through the barn. A stall labeled “Bigfoot,” adorned with a sunflower, hangs open and I feel sick. I kneel down by his side as he munches the grass....

Keep Reading