If You Give A Mom A Baby

The Sweetest Mother's Day Gift!

If you give a mom a baby, she’s going to ask for a cup of hot coffee.

When you give her the cup of hot coffee, she will probably take one sip, then set it down on the counter.

She will set it down because the baby will start to cry so she will ask for the baby’s pacifier.

Then she will want to walk around the house bouncing and shushing the baby.

She will probably walk by a mirror.

When she looks in the mirror, she might notice her hair hasn’t been washed in four days, so she will probably ask for a hair tie.

After she throws her hair into a messy bun, she will probably notice the spit up on her t-shirt. She’ll get carried away and decide to gather up all the dirty clothes in the house to start some laundry. She may even move the laundry she keeps forgetting is in the washer, to the dryer.

When she is done, she’ll probably want to take a nap, but haha, let’s see how this works out. You will have to place a pillow and blanket on the couch, she’ll crawl in, make herself comfortable, but then the baby will start crying again.

She’ll probably ask you to find the TV remote for her. So you’ll turn the TV to Bravo, while she cluster feeds the baby. When the baby finally falls asleep, she will look down and get so excited she will probably want to do something crazy . . . like, take a shower.

She’ll take a shower. But before she can shave her other leg, you will come walking into the bathroom with a screaming baby and say, “Honey, do you know what’s wrong with him?”

Unfortunately, she also never got around to washing her hair, which means she will need . . . dry shampoo.

She will stand there, looking at you, catching a peek of herself in the mirror, feeling pretty exhausted . . . then, she will look down and see her cup of coffee. She will take a sip; go figure, it is cold.

And chances are, she will ask to take the still-crying baby, and she is going to want a cup of hot coffee to go with it.

Originally published on the author’s blog

You may also like:

My Coffee is Always Cold Because I’m a Mom

To The Moms With Fussy Babies, This Is Why They Cry

Dear New Mom, You’re Doing It Right

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

Ashli Mazer

Hi I am Ashli. I am a first-time mommy, full-time marketing professional, part-time blogger and no-time sleeper. I like to think I manage it all but really life is just me managing the chaos while dancing backwards in high heels. You can read more at my Blog, BackwardsNHighHeels.com.

To My Angel Babies

In: Baby, Loss

To my three angel babies, From the moment I saw that first positive pregnancy test, you became a part of me. You were never just an idea, a hope, or a dream—you were my babies. I loved you from the very beginning, and I still do. Not a day passes that I don’t think of you or pray for you. I dreamt of watching you grow up with your big brother, dreamt of who you would become, and all the memories we’d make. You may have been tiny, but the dreams I had for you were not. To some, you...

Keep Reading

Having a Holiday Baby Is Extra Special

In: Baby, Motherhood

Newborn baby in santa hat sleeping with lights around him

“That’s right, my secondborn will have mashed potato cakes every year for his birthday,” I say with a forced laugh, knowing exactly how cheesy I sound. My husband and I didn’t exactly plan for a holiday baby, but here we are. Our due date is November 21st, so depending on the year, our son may often share a birthday party with the holiday of gratitude and pumpkin everything. When people find out when we are expecting, the responses are usually mixed, like they’re unsure what to say. These statements range anywhere from a slightly sarcastic “Oh, that will be a...

Keep Reading

I’d Given Up on Getting Pregnant‚ But Hope Had Other Plans

In: Baby, Motherhood

This is the story I wish someone had shared with me when I was losing all hope. I never imagined I would be the one writing this. But here I am, opening up about something that once felt too painful to say out loud. A truth I believed I would carry silently forever: I had given up on becoming pregnant. After five years. Five years that left me emotionally worn out, physically drained, financially stretched, and spiritually defeated. Five years that included five separate rounds of ovulation-stimulating medication. (I’m purposely leaving out the name to protect others from self-medicating.) Eventually,...

Keep Reading

It’s a Good Day To Celebrate Your Rainbow Baby

In: Baby, Grief, Motherhood

Rainbow baby lying on blanket with onesie that says "rainbow"

Dear Mama, Today, take a moment for yourself. A moment to reflect on this powerful journey. And just soak it in. Soak every single second of it in. Hold that baby a little longer. A little tighter. Smell their sweet little head and stare into their big, beautiful eyes. Whether it’s been a day, a week, a month, or longer since that precious little life joined the world, chances are it’s flying by. So take a minute to slow down, soak it in, and celebrate. Celebrate this little miracle you prayed for so hard. This little human you and your...

Keep Reading

What Comes after the NICU? Sometimes It’s the Struggle No One Sees.

In: Baby, Motherhood

Mother sitting beside preemie in a NICU basinette

They clap when you bring the baby home—finally, miraculously, out of the NICU. They celebrate the milestones, the trials overcome, and mark the battle as won. You made it. You’re home. You’re okay, the baby’s okay. But what about what comes after? What about the silence that follows the storm? The slow, aching process of unpacking trauma no one talks about, and few understand. The wounds no one sees. The moments you’re expected to be grateful when you’re still gasping for air. The days spent trying to be okay, when so much of the past few months have been very...

Keep Reading

Surprise! I’m 42 and Pregnant.

In: Baby, Motherhood

Pregnant woman holding belly, black and white image

Seven years after I gave birth to my youngest child, I made an appointment with my primary care physician. I was 42, had been sick and fatigued, and thought I might have diabetes, thyroid cancer, or be going into menopause. When she asked if I could be pregnant, I laughed. I mean, it had been six months since my husband and I had been intimate—not the recipe for pregnancy. Then, the hCG test came back at 66,000. Shocked doesn’t even begin to encompass my feelings. A little backstory: When our youngest was two, my husband and I tried for a...

Keep Reading

To the Moms of COVID Babies Turning Five

In: Baby, Motherhood

Elevator door in hospital during COVID-19 pandemic

To the mamas of babies now turning five, the ones born during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Alone, masked, giving birth in a hospital filled with fear and protocols. Some of you left through back hallways or maintenance elevators—quiet exits where there should’ve been balloons and cheers. The ones with no hospital visitors, no sibling introductions, no joyful flood of family holding your newborn. No newborn photos, no parties, no sweet “welcome to the world” celebrations. Just fear. Isolation. Quiet. Survival. You missed out on moments you dreamed of. And if that baby was your last, it might ache...

Keep Reading

Dear Mama, There’s a Story In Your C-Section Scar

In: Baby, Motherhood

I’ve given birth four times. Each experience has been uniquely different and beautiful. My last baby was born by Caesarean section after a complicated and traumatic pregnancy. After three natural deliveries, the thought of a major surgery to bring my baby earthside TERRIFIED me. Having a C-section never made me feel like I was taking “the easy way out.” Never did I hold myself to a different standard than other moms. Never did I feel like I had failed in birth or motherhood. In fact, it was the complete opposite. Enduring major surgery while entering into the most vulnerable days...

Keep Reading

He Was Almost the Boy I Let Get away

In: Baby, Motherhood

After two kids, two miscarriages, and a journey through postpartum depression, I was afraid to keep trying for the third baby I always knew I wanted. As I looked at the second negative pregnancy test, I felt a familiar range of emotions. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed. Did I feel relief because for another month I could avoid the daily fear of worrying I might miscarry again and spare the girls, my husband, and me from getting our hopes up just to have them crushed again? Did I feel relief because I was scared of going...

Keep Reading

Dear C-Section Mom, It’s Natural to Feel Whatever You Do

In: Baby, Motherhood

Woman with c-section scar holds baby on hip

When I was eight months pregnant with my firstborn, I thought I had it all figured out. I’d read the books, attended the birthing classes, and listened to the podcasts. I crafted a cutesy birth plan handout with a very clear message for the hospital staff: a natural, intervention-free birth. Ideally, there’d be some soothing instrumental music in the background to make it all feel organic and magical. I practiced my deep breathing and yoga ball moves. I packed the essential oils. I was ready. In reality, the complete opposite happened. I hit 39 weeks at the start of a...

Keep Reading

When Your Parents Are Gone, Part of You Always Aches

Grief

When Your Parents Are Gone, Part of You Always Aches

To the Difference Makers: I Couldn't Do Motherhood Without You

Friendship

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Ashli Mazer

To My Angel Babies

Having a Holiday Baby Is Extra Special

I’d Given Up on Getting Pregnant‚ But Hope Had Other Plans

It’s a Good Day To Celebrate Your Rainbow Baby

What Comes after the NICU? Sometimes It’s the Struggle No One Sees.

Surprise! I’m 42 and Pregnant.

To the Moms of COVID Babies Turning Five

Dear Mama, There’s a Story In Your C-Section Scar

He Was Almost the Boy I Let Get away

Dear C-Section Mom, It’s Natural to Feel Whatever You Do

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

If You Give A Mom A Baby

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

To My Angel Babies

Having a Holiday Baby Is Extra Special

I’d Given Up on Getting Pregnant‚ But Hope Had Other Plans

It’s a Good Day To Celebrate Your Rainbow Baby

What Comes after the NICU? Sometimes It’s the Struggle No One Sees.

Surprise! I’m 42 and Pregnant.

To the Moms of COVID Babies Turning Five

Dear Mama, There’s a Story In Your C-Section Scar

He Was Almost the Boy I Let Get away

Dear C-Section Mom, It’s Natural to Feel Whatever You Do

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like