I’m Learning To Let Go of What Was To Embrace What Is

I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night a lot lately.

Heart pounding. Mind racing.

Ever been there?

The house is still, but my thoughts are loud. One night, I finally whispered in the dark, “Lord, what’s this really about?”

In His grace, He showed me: I’ve been bracing for a season that’s quickly approaching. One I haven’t exactly welcomed with open arms.

They call it the empty nest.

I’m a mom of three boys. For over two decades, my life has revolved around carpools, ball games, grocery runs, and Mount-Everest-sized laundry piles.

It’s been loud and messy at times, but also beautiful and fulfilling.

And somehow, I blinked…and they grew up.

Just last week, one of my sons left our home without his EpiPen. He has a life-threatening peanut allergy. Years ago, he nearly died after taking a bite of a peanut butter cookie.

In an instant, I was transported back to the day we brought him home from the hospital. My husband drove while I sat in the backseat, staring at his tiny face, overwhelmed by love and a fierce desire to protect him.

Now he’s taller than me and driving himself…without his EpiPen.

That same protective instinct surged. But this time, I’m not the one calling the shots. I’m on the sidelines now.

Still loving, praying, and cheering, but no longer steering.

And if I’m honest? The transition has been harder than I expected.

My boys are making big decisions about careers, relationships, and even healthcare. And sometimes, their choices don’t align with my preferences!

One morning, with a weary heart and an open Bible, I opened to 1 Peter 5:6-7:

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand… Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”

That’s when it clicked:

I wasn’t just grieving change. I was gripping for control.

And under that grip? Pride.

I didn’t see that coming.

Somewhere along the way, I began to think I knew best, or that I could prevent pain.

I think many moms wrestle with control at times, if we’re honest. We love fiercely. We offer wisdom, guidance, and suggestions motivated by our desire to want only what’s best for them.

But sometimes, without even realizing it, we try to influence outcomes by nudging conversations, shaping decisions, or arranging circumstances in ways that align with our hopes.

Only God sees the full picture, and it’s His plan we want to follow, not our own. He alone knows what we and our children need to grow.

We’re also wise to consider that sometimes the very things we try to “fix” are the things God is using for transformation. He is the Potter; we are the clay. He shapes and molds us, and our children, as He sees fit.

Just as we can’t choose how He refines us, we don’t get to choose how our kids learn and grow. That’s His domain.

The Lord also reminded me that I was never truly in control. When they were little, I may have had more influence, but God has always been in charge. He is sovereign.

And honestly? I know if I’d been the one in control, we’d all be in a big ol’ mess!

I’m not a big fan of change, and letting go isn’t easy. But parenting has always been a gradual process of releasing, bit by bit, as we raise them.

From walking them into kindergarten…to watching them cross the stage for their diploma…to waving goodbye as they drive off without their EpiPen.

Life is full of seasons. Trying to cling to one is like trying to hold onto summer in the middle of fall.

I’m learning to let go of what was, so I can embrace what is.

To grieve, yes, but not get stuck there.

To lean into Jesus, trusting Him with our family and our future.

I can’t say I’m excited for the empty nest, but I’m no longer bracing for impact like it’s a crash landing.

These days, I’m sleeping better as I trust more. I’m learning to surrender my preferences to the One who holds our future.

He is a faithful God and fully worthy of my trust.

Remembering who He is reassures my heart and lets me rest easier at night.