One of the biggest fears in any couple’s relationship is the fear of how a baby will change their marriage. Before we decided to try for a baby,  I remember having a conversation with my husband about how having kids would change our feelings toward one another. We came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t. I recall how I reassured him that I would still love him the same, and a baby wouldn’t change that.

But, now I realized that I lied to my husband.

I don’t love him like I did before we had a baby.

Because I never could have imagined the look on his face when he first laid eyes on our little girl. I had dreamed of that day for years, the day I would get to welcome my baby into the world with my husband by my side. And, it was so much more than I could have ever envisioned. That moment when he told me she was a girl. The very second he placed his hand on my shoulder and told me how amazing I was and how beautiful our baby is. When I asked him if he wanted to hold his girl for the very first time, and I could see how nervous he was. No, I knew I would never love him the same.

Because he was now the father of my baby. He was a whole new person in my eyes. And, when he dropped everything to sit by our sides in the NICU that first week of her life, I knew he was the man I thought he would be when I married him. He was a great father. When he got up with me to feed her, even though I was breastfeeding and he didn’t have to. When he changed her diaper without me asking for help. When he got up in the middle of the night to sit with her just to give me a few extra minutes of sleep. Those were the moments my love for him was changing, and it would never be the same.

Because I see how much he wants to protect her.

Because I see how much he worries for her. 

Because I see the sadness when he has to leave her and the joy that lights his face when he returns.

Because I see how much he loves her.

It’s written all over his face. And no, it’s not the same love that he holds for me. It’s bigger. And that’s okay. Because I feel the same. Our hearts are exploding for this new little one, and we couldn’t be more in love with her. Now that we share the same love for this life we created together, we will never love each other the way we did before.

Because I love him so much more now.

He is the only person who could ever understand the magnitude of love I feel for our daughter. He feels it too. If I were ever to leave this Earth too soon, he is the one I want with her. Because he gets it. Since we brought this new life into the world together, we have an unbreakable bond that continues to grow stronger as she grows.

We will raise her. Together. Make decisions about her future. Together. Cry. Together. Laugh. Together.

No, I don’t love my husband like I did before we had a baby. I love him more now than I can even describe. He may not know it, because I’m not there for him as much as I used to be. Being a mama requires more of my time. But, that doesn’t mean I’m not watching, seeing how amazing he is with our daughter. And falling more in love each and every day.

Did having a child change my relationship? Absolutely. You can’t expect to go through such a life-changing event without it changing your life. But, it has all changed for the better. And, it makes me excited about the future. Not worried, or fearful for our marriage. Excited. Beyond excited.

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Amanda Bandy

Amanda is a Christian and mommy blogger, saved by grace and committed to her faith. She thanks the Lord everyday for her amazing husband, beautiful daughter, and the home they all share together in South Dakota. Amanda loves being a stay-at-home mama and blogging all about her experiences! You can read about them on her blog You can also find her on Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter!

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