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“She’s posting about her mental health for attention.”

They would be right.

I am posting about my journey with mental health for attention. 

Because the topic is begging for more attention.

I started posting because I know what it’s like to bring attention to a struggle and to be treated like you’re just looking for drama.

I know what it’s like to gather all the courage you can find and then not be believed.

I know what it feels like to be villainized after experiencing trauma.

This is an area I have battled ever since I was able to keep a hold of my thoughts and memories.

Anxiety and depression came to join me in toddlerhood without an explanation of who they were.

Through childhood, they followed me. 

RELATED: It Hurts To See My Child Struggle With Mental Health

It wasn’t until later that I learned their names.

“Why didn’t you say something?”

Well, as a child, I didn’t know what battle I was even fighting.

I asked for help in ways children only know how.

Nightmares would come to me throughout many nights.

I would wake up with so much fear and would realize I had wet the bed.

Embarrassed. Confused.

I felt so alone.

Nightmares would come, but also dreams of someone coming to help. 

I would dream of a life without the confusing pain.

But help never came.

It wasn’t until years later that I was finally able to catch the word “help.” 

I asked and then waited.

I didn’t even get asked, “How are you?” from my family when it came to this hurt.

Instead of “How are you?” came things like “Stop bothering everyone with all this talk.”

Confused. Alone.

Never really questioning whether I was loved, rather why they didn’t seem to love me enough.

Anxiety and depression have followed me into the last year of my 20s. 

Somewhere along the way, I finally learned their names. 

RELATED: She Lives Beneath the Storm of Anxiety and Depression

“You are not worth the attention.” 

It’s a sentence that constantly lurks in my thoughts.

It’s hard not to think that when there were those who denied your reality or didn’t take the time to listen.

Alone. Broken.

Those are things that many of us feel. 

I started posting for attention because I woke up one day and said, “There needs to be a change.”

I don’t know how much of a difference I will be able to make, but there’s a lot that has been learned through this battle I’ve been fighting.

Broken is what a lot of us feel.

Alone, we don’t have to be.

So yes, I am posting about mental health for attention.

Attention is what it needs.

Originally published on the author’s Instagram

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So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Estephanie Phelps

I am mama to a sweet and wild boy. Being a mom is hard enough without all the expectations. We all have our own stories. Being a mom is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Maybe if I share my good, bad, and the ugly I can help at least one person. That would be good enough for me.

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