I am uptight, set in my ways a little close-minded and terribly structured. I admit these faults openly, I pray to be released from them and I work to recognize when they take over in me. I guess I can be grateful that I am at least aware of them, that’s a step in the right direction I guess.
I find it difficult to maintain a calm presence when I am hurt or let down by others, I blow my top, I cry, I might yell, I might walk away and spend some time alone or I might speak up and tell the people that angered and disappointed me that they did so. Regardless, I typically reach a breaking point after trying desperately to be tolerant and patient for quite some time and then the slightest little thing can tip the scales. I’m working on it….really.
As I often find in my life, God is constantly teaching me through my readings, through the people I have in my life and the events that I encounter. Today, I was frustrated and angry because I didn’t feel like the kids were helping me around the house as much as I thought they should be. I blew my top. I felt hurt. Why is it that people we love can watch u struggle and not naturally want to reach out and help? I felt like I had asked for help and no one was hearing me.
I usually start my day out by reading Jesus Calling with my husband before he leaves for work, but this morning I was busy cleaning up a mess from the S’mores we enjoyed the night before and getting things packed for our outing we had planned for the day. We decided to read when he came home. Well, by the time he came home…my blood was boiling! I was fed up with the lack of help I had received and the messes I found at every corner.
Once I made my disappointment known to the members of my family and we were loaded in the Suburban, I took a few minutes to regain my composure and took out our book. Of course the reading was about patience and not needing to control the events around you. UGH! Really? How about a reading on respect and helpfulness….why does the reading have to be a lesson for ME?!? I am TRYING!!! Clearly….I need to TRY HARDER!
My typical response to feeling out of control is to try to gain MORE CONTROL. Twisted, huh?!? Well, today I am thinking I am just going to let go. Yep. I have been working on fine tuning my life and the lives of those I live with for so long and I have just been slapped in the face over and over. It is time to focus on all the good there is around me. I mean, I am a happy and positive person, but I strive for perfection…WHY?!? It just leads to disappointment. No more.
Let us not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9
I have a great family, I love spending time with them, we are all healthy and happy, we have a wonderful home and more than what we need. So, TODAY I am starting over. Yeah…I am going to let go and let God. I can pray, I can try, I can only DO so much. The rest, isn’t up to me. How the people around me live their lives isn’t for me to control. I am probably going to fail miserably a time or two or ten, but I am making a change today. Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers. I’m gonna need it!