Ornaments, Candles, Tees and More! Order Soon for Christmas Delivery!🎄 ➔

“Who do you think you are?”

I hear that question in my head every time I’m writing or talking about Jesus.

I really love Jesus. I try to live my life for Him and with Him.

But I also have things in my past that sometimes feel haunting.

Sure, my past could certainly have been “worse.” And I’m sure if I shared my story, some people would say, “Oh, that’s nothing.”

But if I’m honest, there are people who would probably have some not-so-good things to say about me.

I’m sure people could tell you stories about me that would make me want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Heck, there are probably pictures and videos out there of me to prove it.

Thanks, camera phones.

I always tried to be kind, but I can tell you there were years I wasn’t exactly a shining example of Jesus.

I pray about this often and Jesus reminds me that when He looks at me, He doesn’t see my past.

He isn’t shaking His head in disappointment. He reminds me that I’ve been made new, that I’m forgiven.

Yet, sometimes the thoughts creep back in and I hear a voice asking, “If people knew everything about you, what would they think?”

Sometimes this question makes me so scared I want to stop writing altogether. I want to isolate so I can’t be “found out.”

RELATED: To the Christian “Bad Girl” Who Wonders if She Belongs

But then I hear His voice. “This isn’t about you, Kelli.”

This whole writing thing, this whole sharing Jesus thing, this whole LIFE thing . . . it isn’t about me.

It’s about Him.

I might not have been a shining example of Jesus years ago.

But I am absolutely an example of how Jesus can change a heart. I’m a perfect example of what His grace and forgiveness can do.

And that’s what life is all about.

Allowing Jesus to use our past to show others how incredible HE is. Not how great we are.

It’s always about Him.

So to the person who has a dream on their heart or is feeling a nudge . . . 

The one who wants to start a ministry.

The one who wants to write or speak.

The one who wants to try church out again.

The one who wants to share their testimony.

The one who just wants to declare they follow Jesus without worrying about what others think.

The one who wants to break free from their addiction.

The one who wants to live differently.

If your past feels too heavy or you don’t feel good enough, if you don’t feel like you meet the “criteria” to live for Jesus, I want you to remember:

It’s not about you. It’s about Him.

He wants to use you.

He wants to use your entire, messy self to bring Him glory.

And He can. He does this all the time.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say, “Jesus didn’t use him/her, because they weren’t good enough.”

There isn’t a single one of us who’s good enough.

And He uses our past, our weakness, even our sin, to bring glory to Him.

Let Him do that. Let Him use you as a light.

You do not need to be perfect or put together.

Because it’s not about us.

He’s the perfect one.

He’s the one who should be glorified.

He’s the one we should be praising because even in our brokenness, He still chooses us.

He’s it. He’s everything.

Less of us, more of Him.

Originally published on the author’s blog

I’m going to talk with my teens about my wild past—here’s why.

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Kelli Bachara

Kelli Bachara is a wife and mom to two sweet kiddos. She is a mental health therapist, writer, and podcaster. Kelli loves her Goldendoodle, coffee, and this beautiful thing called life. You can find her at www.kellibachara.com.

When It Just Doesn’t Feel Like Christmas, Look for the Baby In the Manger

In: Faith, Grief
Nativity scene lit up

I don’t know about you, but each Christmas season I find myself trying to catch the “feeling.”  It seems like every year I hear myself say as December 25th looms around the corner, “It just doesn’t FEEL like Christmas.”  Part of that is living in Florida. I have never felt like I belonged here. I’ve always longed for cooler weather and the changing of seasons. Oh how my heart aches for a “white Christmas” that I fear I’ll never get.  I’ve heard others echo something similar. But it seems like we’ve become obsessed with chasing this evasive feeling that is...

Keep Reading

What Single Moms Really Need

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Mom holding toddler on hip outside on dirt road

No, you’re not a single mom for a weekend. I’ve heard it said at social gatherings, in passing at church, and on social media. Perhaps the words are being uttered in a state of awe as if comparing themselves to valiant warrior princesses, knights in shining armor, heroes.  Usually though, it’s an under-the-breath complaint about being left by their otherwise attentive and loving spouse for the week or weekend. “I’m a single mom this weekend; my husband is on a golfing trip with his brothers.” “My husband is away for work, so I feel like a single mom this week.” ...

Keep Reading

You’re Never Alone in the Trenches of Motherhood

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding infant, color photo

This one goes out to all the mamas in the trenches. To the mamas in the kitchen stirring dinner with a baby on their hip. To the ones waking up an hour earlier than the rest of the house to pump after waking up countless times throughout the night to attend to both your toddler and baby. The ones who must take care of business from lobbies, bathroom floors, lunch breaks, and the carpool line. To the mamas who pass on their own birthday presents so their kid’s medical bills can be covered. RELATED: This is the Sacrifice of Motherhood...

Keep Reading

When You Stop Running into My Arms, I Pray You Run to Jesus

In: Faith, Motherhood
Child and mother walking on beach in sunlight

I love seeing the light in my little girl’s eyes when I pick her up from school at the end of the day. Her eyes open wide, and she runs to me loudly saying, “Mommy!” for all to hear. I pick her up and give her a big hug and kiss on her cheek. She smiles ear to ear and knows she is loved and adored. She feels safe in my arms, and I pray that never changes. I want to always be her biggest cheerleader and greatest fan–holding the streamers on the sidelines in shades of brilliant gold encouraging...

Keep Reading

Praying For Your Kids is Holy Work of Motherhood

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mom hugging daughter by bed with open Bible

While excavating Mount Masada in Israel, archeologists discovered something extraordinary . . . a date palm seed. It might not seem like much (especially if you’re like me and totally expected it to be a new dinosaur or something), but this particular seed sat dormant in the dry desert soil for almost 2,000 years. Scientists ended up finding several more seeds like it throughout the Judean desert, and with a little TLC, they were able to sprout not just one but six of them. Six date palm trees, now bearing fruit that hasn’t been seen in two millennia. Incredible, right?...

Keep Reading

Choose to Be a Mother, Not a Martyr

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding baby, black-and-white photo

There is a trend in motherhood right now . . . maybe it’s happened for a long time, but now since I am a mom, I am experiencing it: this idea that everything we do as moms makes us a martyr. And honestly, I am guilty here more times than I’m not. RELATED: You’re a Mother, Not a Martyr We have these inner, silent dialogues between us and our husbands, parents, in-laws, and friends. Things we say and think, but they never hear. They compound on each other in the hallways of our hearts before bitterness creeps in without us...

Keep Reading

Motherhood Reminds Me How Much I Need Jesus

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding baby in nursery, color photo

Parenting is not only about the work it takes to raise up a child, but it’s also about continuing the work of being raised in Christ. Stripping back our innermost layers of selfishness and laying our pride exposed. Seeing ourselves as the center of our own personal schedule is no longer an option. Feeling like we have power over anything quickly vanishes into thin air. Parenthood pushes us to surrender and accept God’s sovereign control. Parenting sanctifies us.  Parenting shows us our sinful attitudes. When plans are ruined, when another blowout spoils the perfect outfit you chose, when your toddler...

Keep Reading

When Did I Become Such an Angry Mom?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman with head in her hands

My oldest children and I had just navigated a tabletop board game. My son lost. My daughter won. I also lost. She’s four. For the record, I was trying my best. We were all putting the game away together when my son grabbed my daughter by the face and yelled, “IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYWAY BECAUSE YOUR BREATH STINKS!” And then, Mount St. Meredith erupted. I (not so gently) removed him from the situation and (not so calmly) insisted that he . . . brush his own teeth. Yep. For the record, I was trying my best. RELATED: Mom Anger: Taming...

Keep Reading

Angel Babies are Heaven’s Gatekeepers

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Mother and baby silhouette

I never seemed to have the right words. I didn’t have the right words at four years old when my parents lost my 11-month-old brother, and I never seemed to have the right words as I watched family members and close friends lose both the new life growing within their wombs and the beautiful, precious life resting in their weary arms. So, I did what I thought would offer the most comfort. I simply tried to show up and be there the best I could. I shopped for their favorite treats. I dropped meals off on front porches and toys...

Keep Reading

Secondary Infertility Took Me By Surprise

In: Baby, Faith, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Mother holding toddler by open door

Selfish. Unfair. Guilt stricken. Shameful. Those were just a few of the words that regularly stabbed my lamenting heart as I longed for a second child. Yes, I was grateful for my healthy, beautiful boy who made my dream of motherhood come true, but why did I not feel complete—was he not enough? Was I doing this motherhood thing all wrong and didn’t deserve a second child? Why did I long to give him a sibling so badly knowing millions were aching for their first—how could I be so insensitive? So many questions, so many buts and so many whys....

Keep Reading