I wish I could freeze this moment and live it for the rest of time.
You are so pure, so curious, so full of wonder.
You should never have to change.
As I sit here watching you, I try absorbing every detail:
The focus furrowing your brow as you study the earth, the stones, the water.
The surprise and excitement that widens your eyes as you spot a tiny fish.
The tenderness in your hands as you carefully inspect a fallen leaf.
The softness in your voice as you ask me questions and make your own observations.
You are a gentle creature, yet you are determined to learn about this great big world you find yourself in.
I wish this moment was enough for you, like it is for me.
I wish you were content with staying here forever with me.
I wish you never had to know anything more about this world than what you know now.
Because you are too good.
You are too pure.
You don’t deserve what this world is capable of doing to you.
You don’t deserve what is coming.
I want to ask you to stay with me right here, my precious child.
Stay with me right here, right now where the world can’t reach you; can’t hurt you.
Stay with me right here, where you can stay happy, wholesome, innocent, and full of love.
Stay with me right here where I can protect you, because if you don’t, there is only so much I can shield you from.
I am afraid, my child. I am so afraid.
I fear this world will tarnish you.
I fear this world will break your heart, that beautiful kind heart.
I fear this world will do to you what is has done to me.
And I fear that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I won’t be able to stop it.
I will do my best to protect you, but what if it’s not enough?
What if I can’t save you? What if I can’t save you from the world? From myself?
What if I’m the one to blame for tarnishing your innocent world?
What if I fail you, little one?
But as I sit here watching you, wishing I could freeze this moment and live it for the rest of time . . .
I know that if I asked you to stay, you would say no because you believe in me.
You have no reason to stay because you trust me.
You have no reason to doubt my abilities as your mother.
The faith you have in me gives you the confidence to keep learning, experiencing, and growing.
There is no reason for you to stay because you have complete confidence in me.
While I may not believe in myself right now . . .
With your help, little one, I just might be able to start.
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