When those two pink lines appeared, I stared in disbelief. I cried, and they were not happy tears.
Today, I would give anything to go back to that moment and cry happy tears.
I wish I stared in disbelief because I was overwhelmed with excitement and pure joy. I wish I ran into my husband’s (then boyfriend’s) arms, ecstatic to be sharing with him the news of our baby. Instead, I engulfed him in my tears of fear.
I wish it was all different, except I cannot even fathom if those two pink lines were only one pink line. Those two pink lines symbolized the beginning of an endless road to the rest of my life. Those two pink lines symbolized motherhood, parenthood and marriage—the greatest roles I’ve ever known and will ever know. If I could go back knowing what I know now, that moment would have been the happiest, most memorable moment of my life thus far.
To the unplanned mom, I see you. I know how it felt to dread, contemplate and hesitate sharing your news with the world. I know how it felt to feel the judgement. I know how it felt to crave congratulations but to instead get concern. I know how it feels to still hold onto the guilt of those very first moments of motherhood.
But now, those two pink lines are your whole entire world and the way you felt that day doesn’t matter—because what really matters is that today you have given and will keep giving yourself and your entire world to those two pink lines.
She is my saving Grace; our Grace Margaret, the greatest surprise gift I could have ever imagined, and I thank God everyday for giving me those two pink lines.
To the unplanned mom, you deserve this motherhood as much as any other mother in the world and I hope you are never again made to feel differently.
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