Shop the fall collection ➔

If you’re a mom/mom-to-be, read this, and share it with other moms-to-be. This has been on my mind for a while now.

I’m only four months into this motherhood thing, and while every piece of advice I got while pregnant was great, no one tells you about this. So I will.

They do not tell you you’ll miss pregnancy. OK, some. I miss my little kicks in the mornings and him moving to certain music and to his daddy’s voice. I also miss him being safe and unknowing to such a crazy and cruel world. You’ll worry. You got this.

They do not tell you that you’ll miss the newborn stage. The sleepless nights and the little cries that hurt your soul. Crazy right? I know. But it’s true.

They do not tell you about the healing process. No, I’m not talking about the stretch marks, tears, or Cesarean scars. I’m talking about healing from being one for 10 months, then becoming two. It hurts. Your body literally YEARNS for you to be one again.

They do not tell you you’re going to cry. A lot. About everything.

You dropped that paci on the floor? You might as well throw in the towel. Because you’re going to cry about it. And the fact that your baby hasn’t pooped today, or he’s ill, or he doesn’t want to be put down. But then you will cry because he’s asleep and you want him to wake up so you can spend time with him. It’ll hurt. And you’ll cry. It’s normal. And honestly, it sucks.

RELATED: I’m a New Mom, Let Me Cry These Tears

They do not tell you that your partner will NEVER do it right or be good enough. You heard me. You will feel alone, and they will be trying their best to help any way they can, and your brain will tell it isn’t good enough. They won’t understand. It’ll hurt. Remember that what comes naturally to us Mamas, does NOT come naturally to them. Give them credit, and try to be lenient. They’re doing their best, which is way better than your post-partum brain is telling you.

They do not tell you that your 100 pennies is going to turn into four quarters FAST. Your “friends” are going to drop you like it doesn’t even phase them. And it won’t. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a select few who stay around. And once you’re a mama, you will make more mom friends. Which is hard, when you were dropped so suddenly. It’s going to hurt. But it’s going to be OK.

You have all you need now.

They do not tell you how bad PPD/PPA is. It’s scary, hard, and you will feel worthless. Some are worse than others. You will check your baby’s breathing every few minutes. That’s OK. If you ever feel like mentally it is all too much, SEEK HELP. PPD/PPA is NOT frowned upon and you WILL need help out of it. Do not be ashamed. It happens to 90% of women. Including me. And it’s scary.

They do not tell you whether you breastfeed or formula feed, it hurts. Cracked nipples, engorgement, and the most hurtful thing of all, JUDGMENT. Someone will always have something to say whether you breastfeed or formula feed, and it’ll hurt. Do what you want. This is YOUR baby.

RELATED: I Am a Struggling New Mom

They do not tell you that that little baby who once fit inside you grows like a weed. You don’t notice until the clothes get more snug and he is stretched out across you. It’ll hurt. That’s a pain that doesn’t go away.

They do not tell you that when it’s time for you to go back to work, it’s so hard for you to enjoy the time you have left because you’re too busy crying for the moments you won’t ever get to experience with your baby. No matter who it is keeping him, it isn’t you. And it hurts.

They do not tell you mentally, you will never be the same.

As soon as you birth your baby, you become a person no one else has ever met before. Take it and run. You’re now Mama before anything else. There is no higher title than that.

They do not tell you when you come home from work you have an urgency to soak in every little moment with your baby. Do it. The laundry, dishes, all of it, it can wait. You’ll look back and regret washing that load of clothes instead of cuddling with your baby. And it’ll hurt. Put the clothes down.

RELATED: I Didn’t Understand Being a Working Mom Until I Was One

They do not tell you about the death grip and stare. When your baby has missed you all day and as soon as you lay down, he puts that death grip on your shirt, and his heavy eyes steadily open for reassurance that Mama is still there. It’s going to hurt your heart that he does that. But you’re there. You’re Mama, and he is your baby. He is safe and happy, so are you.

And while no one will tell you these things, you will learn day by day.

You’re doing an amazing job and some days that’s all you need to hear. 

This article originally appeared on Facebook

Out of the Spin Cycle is a serious game-changer for motherhood. We can’t put it down! Don’t have time to sit and read? Listen to it here, on Audible.

Recommendations in this post contain affiliate links. Her View From Home may receive a small commission if you choose to purchase.

Brianna Moss

Hi, my name is Brianna Moss! I’m a 21 year old mama who was blessed with a sweet baby boy in October of 2019. I started writing again once I noticed how many mothers struggle with motherhood and feeling alone. I hope my posts help women like me feel a little less alone.

No One Will Ever Call Me Mom

In: Baby, Motherhood
Negative result digital pregnancy test

This is going to be a tough one. Another seemingly innocuous situation that should be easy, but for me is anything but. It comes in different forms—a conversation, a moment in a TV show, a scene in a book—but it always has the same effect. Some reference to motherhood makes me flinch.  Today, it’s in an English lesson I’m teaching online to a 7-year-old boy in China. I’m supposed to be teaching him to say, “This is my mom.” Slide after slide in the lesson shows a happy mom cuddled next to her child. Mom and daughter hugging. A toddler...

Keep Reading

To the Nurses Who Loved My Baby In the NICU

In: Baby, Motherhood
Woman smiling at newborn in hospital chair

I wish I could remember your face. Your name. Something. But I only had eyes for the tiny baby in front of me. My whole world was about to change and I think you understood that more than I did. He was so tiny. Impossibly small. I had never held a baby so little. He made up for his teeny size with an impressive mop of jet black hair that stood straight up on top of his head. He also had hair all over his body and you reassured me this was normal for a preemie. There was so much...

Keep Reading

My Last Baby Changed Me

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother and baby touching foreheads

I was already a mom of two teenagers. I thought I’d move to a city and join corporate America in a few years. But my last baby changed me. There would be no law school or big city living. Now, I write about life in my little country home. And I don’t see that changing. I thought I’d be that old lady with 10 cats. I already had three I snuggled and loved on. I never cared about the litter box, the clawed couches, or the meowing. But now I find myself disliking pets. I hope that might change. But...

Keep Reading

Real Life Maternity Photos Are Beautiful Too

In: Baby, Motherhood
Pregnant women on floor next to toilet, black-and-white photo

As a maternity and newborn photographer, my feed is full of radiant moms and seemingly tidy spaces in the families’ homes we work in. We always want you looking and feeling your best in your photos, and to avoid clutter that can distract from the beautiful moments we’re capturing. An unfortunate side effect is that it creates the impression of perfection, which can be intimidating for anyone interested in booking a photography session. In our consultations, we frequently hear concerns from pregnant moms like, “I’ve gained so much weight,” “I have nothing to wear,” “My home is a mess,” or...

Keep Reading

Having Babies and Toddlers Is Exhausting—but So, So Sweet

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Family of four with baby and toddler on bed

I took the girls to one of our favorite coffee shops last week and all around me were parents of babies and toddlers. Their little ones ran about in the grassy area out back, toddling up and down the lawn, when it suddenly hit me with perfect clarity—the sun has nearly set on this season for me. It was a realization marked by internal tension, a mourning of the loss of one season contrasted by the joyful anticipation at the arrival of the next. It came out of nowhere and hit me like a tidal wave. Having five kids in...

Keep Reading

You Used To Fit In My Lap

In: Baby, Motherhood, Toddler
Toddler lying on mom's lap in rocking chair, color photo

Hi Love, Remember when you could fit comfortably across my lap in this chair? I do. We’ve done a lot of sleeping and feeding and reading and rocking and laughing and crying (yes, both of us) here these last few years. We still manage to make it work for all of the above, but these days we most often sit side by side. When we don’t, I’m fairly certain we both wake up sore the next day from the necessary contortions. (OK, probably just me.) It’s true, there is a larger chair waiting for us in what will soon be...

Keep Reading

We Don’t Get To Know You, but We Will Always Love You

In: Baby, Loss, Motherhood
Couple holding baby announcement

Dear baby, There is still so much about your dad and me you don’t know, but that takes time. Parents aren’t the only ones watching loved ones evolve. Over time, kids meet new versions of their parents too—we change, we make mistakes, we grow. I often think about what an adult relationship with you would look like, how we might bond or argue, the inside jokes we might have, how we’d show each other love. I hope we’d be close. I don’t know if you’d be loud and goofy like your dad, an empath like me, or something else entirely....

Keep Reading

5 Ways Being a NICU Mom Changed Me for the Better

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother holding up smiling baby, color photo

When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I was panicking inside. A multiples pregnancy would be anything but a breeze. At our 20-week scan, my husband and I were told that our baby girl had a life-threatening birth defect that could lead to serious complications like heart failure and even death if left untreated. In addition to interventions during the pregnancy, she would require lung surgery immediately after birth. This diagnosis coupled with the fact that our babies were born at 34-weeks earned us a NICU stay of nearly three months.   I could write a whole book...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Your Baby Starts Out Feeling Like a Stranger

In: Baby, Motherhood
Newborn feet

Rolling over in bed, lights off and covers pulled high, I whispered to my husband, “It finally happened. I feel bonded with Bubba.” Our sweet 3-month-old slept peacefully in the cradle beside us as I shared the happy news. I laid back on the pillow and smiled up at the ceiling in a silent prayer of thanksgiving and joy. Motherhood feels like the most instinctual journey I have ever walked, but bonding doesn’t come naturally to me, and it never has. When I pulled our firstborn onto my chest for the first time a few years ago, I expected the...

Keep Reading

Becoming Someone’s Mother Can Feel Foreign

In: Baby, Motherhood
New mom holding baby

For my little girl—I’m so blessed I get to be a part of her world. My life changed in a minute. She came into this world so perfect and innocent. I heard her cry and then they handed her over. I held her in my arms and thought I would know her. I longed for that feeling, like I finally felt whole. But the longer I held her, the bigger the hole grew in my soul. It wasn’t long after, in a room full of people, I felt so alone. Motherhood can be evil. I just wanted to go home....

Keep Reading