If you’re a mom/mom-to-be, read this, and share it with other moms-to-be. This has been on my mind for a while now.

I’m only four months into this motherhood thing, and while every piece of advice I got while pregnant was great, no one tells you about this. So I will.

They do not tell you you’ll miss pregnancy. OK, some. I miss my little kicks in the mornings and him moving to certain music and to his daddy’s voice. I also miss him being safe and unknowing to such a crazy and cruel world. You’ll worry. You got this.

They do not tell you that you’ll miss the newborn stage. The sleepless nights and the little cries that hurt your soul. Crazy right? I know. But it’s true.

They do not tell you about the healing process. No, I’m not talking about the stretch marks, tears, or Cesarean scars. I’m talking about healing from being one for 10 months, then becoming two. It hurts. Your body literally YEARNS for you to be one again.

They do not tell you you’re going to cry. A lot. About everything.

You dropped that paci on the floor? You might as well throw in the towel. Because you’re going to cry about it. And the fact that your baby hasn’t pooped today, or he’s ill, or he doesn’t want to be put down. But then you will cry because he’s asleep and you want him to wake up so you can spend time with him. It’ll hurt. And you’ll cry. It’s normal. And honestly, it sucks.

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They do not tell you that your partner will NEVER do it right or be good enough. You heard me. You will feel alone, and they will be trying their best to help any way they can, and your brain will tell it isn’t good enough. They won’t understand. It’ll hurt. Remember that what comes naturally to us Mamas, does NOT come naturally to them. Give them credit, and try to be lenient. They’re doing their best, which is way better than your post-partum brain is telling you.

They do not tell you that your 100 pennies is going to turn into four quarters FAST. Your “friends” are going to drop you like it doesn’t even phase them. And it won’t. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a select few who stay around. And once you’re a mama, you will make more mom friends. Which is hard, when you were dropped so suddenly. It’s going to hurt. But it’s going to be OK.

You have all you need now.

They do not tell you how bad PPD/PPA is. It’s scary, hard, and you will feel worthless. Some are worse than others. You will check your baby’s breathing every few minutes. That’s OK. If you ever feel like mentally it is all too much, SEEK HELP. PPD/PPA is NOT frowned upon and you WILL need help out of it. Do not be ashamed. It happens to 90% of women. Including me. And it’s scary.

They do not tell you whether you breastfeed or formula feed, it hurts. Cracked nipples, engorgement, and the most hurtful thing of all, JUDGMENT. Someone will always have something to say whether you breastfeed or formula feed, and it’ll hurt. Do what you want. This is YOUR baby.

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They do not tell you that that little baby who once fit inside you grows like a weed. You don’t notice until the clothes get more snug and he is stretched out across you. It’ll hurt. That’s a pain that doesn’t go away.

They do not tell you that when it’s time for you to go back to work, it’s so hard for you to enjoy the time you have left because you’re too busy crying for the moments you won’t ever get to experience with your baby. No matter who it is keeping him, it isn’t you. And it hurts.

They do not tell you mentally, you will never be the same.

As soon as you birth your baby, you become a person no one else has ever met before. Take it and run. You’re now Mama before anything else. There is no higher title than that.

They do not tell you when you come home from work you have an urgency to soak in every little moment with your baby. Do it. The laundry, dishes, all of it, it can wait. You’ll look back and regret washing that load of clothes instead of cuddling with your baby. And it’ll hurt. Put the clothes down.

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They do not tell you about the death grip and stare. When your baby has missed you all day and as soon as you lay down, he puts that death grip on your shirt, and his heavy eyes steadily open for reassurance that Mama is still there. It’s going to hurt your heart that he does that. But you’re there. You’re Mama, and he is your baby. He is safe and happy, so are you.

And while no one will tell you these things, you will learn day by day.

You’re doing an amazing job and some days that’s all you need to hear. 

This article originally appeared on Facebook

Out of the Spin Cycle is a serious game-changer for motherhood. We can’t put it down! Don’t have time to sit and read? Listen to it here, on Audible.

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