I hate it. The idea of unequal roles irritates me to no end. Two years ago, I would never have believed it would come to this. The workload with my children will never be equally shared between my husband and me, and although I wish it weren’t true, I have finally come to terms with the notion that I will be the lead parent.

“It will never be 50/50,” my husband said the other night, and as the words were coming out of his mouth, I believed him.

It had been a bad day. Picking and arguing over who did what, what didn’t get done, and why it all hadn’t gotten done. Frustration from both of us. At the end of the night, we sat down and finally attempted to solve a very unsolvable problem. 

RELATED: My Husband and I Are On the Same Team and There’s No Room For Resentment

“I just need you to see what needs to be done and do it,” I said. “If I tell you what has to be done, then it is like I am the one creating the work when really it is just something that has to get done.” After going back and forth about dividing undividable roles my husband finally proclaimed the inevitable truth. 

It. Will. Never. Be. 50/50.

I have fought this notion since my firstborn child arrived and have realized that after a good fight, I am just not going to win. I chose to stay at home and raise my children, and with this choice, came some automatic side effects:

  1. My kids always want me.
  2. I know what my children want as soon as they want it.
  3. I know their schedules better.
  4. I can calm them much faster.

Now, none of the above are excuses for my husband to not pitch in. I will always fight that fight until the day I die. However, there are things to consider when arguing for equal rights in the child-rearing department and there are often strong forces that move me to be the one who takes over.

The one who plans the day ahead of time. The one who packs all the snacks and diapers. The one they cling to most of the time. Yes, my husband can pack a snack, but is it the first thing he thinks of when we are going somewhere? Nope. Is it my first thought when going somewhere? Yup.

I am not certain how this new-founded belief is going to play out in our home (especially when I despise the idea but also know in my heart that it’s true). 

Perhaps it will not work at all, or maybe it will prove me wrong and be great. 

What we were doing wasn’t working and so finally succumbing to this notion might just be the answer.

RELATED: Here We Are, My Love, In the Season of Parenting Little Ones

My strategy is to pack the stupid snack. To not to be resentful about the fact that I always pack the dumb snack. To see it as something that just comes easier and more naturally for me and do it happily. 

There certainly are so many things my husband does without uttering a peep. I love this man and keeping tabs is just not healthy. I will always do more work in the child-rearing area of our life, but it is also the most rewarding work I could do.

Originally published on the author’s blog

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Kathleen Davis

Kathleen Davis is a retired teacher, wife, mother of two, and author. She has her Masters Degree in Elementary Education from The University of Florida and has spent her career searching for and reading good children’s books to her students. She believes that books not only provide a fountain of information but are also a way to enter a new world and completely change a perspective. Her first book BRAVE can be found on Amazon and at kathleendavisbooks.com. You can also follow Kathleen's attempts at maneuvering motherhood and her family’s adventures throughout the Nashville area on Instagram @kathleendavisbooks and Facebook @bravethebook.kd

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