Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

What’s the one thing I wish I did before my mom died?

Take more photos.

But no, I assumed I’d have more time. We always have more time, right? Until we don’t.

My baby was born, and I was frazzled. Lost in a sea of having a third child and postpartum anxiety. My mom asked for photos. I was nursing, I hadn’t showered. I felt gross. I didn’t want to let my last baby go from my arms. I had time, right? Until you don’t. She asked for photos. And now. We only have one.

We only have one. 

I remember it well, the last and final time she asked for a photo. We were standing in my kitchen and I finally felt okay letting my sweet, tiny, little newborn into another person’s arms. I know, she was my mom, but we had a unique relationship, and also, postpartum is hard. It was even harder to let go, but I finally did. I put her into my mom’s arms and that was it. I finally took the photo.

RELATED: The Only Thing Better Than Having You As a Mom Is Watching You As a Grandma

That moment I captured on camera was the last time my mom ever held my newest, and final baby. The last time she ever held her. It breaks my heart even writing this. It was the firstand onlyphoto I have of them together. Could that be any more heartbreaking? I don’t think so.

I swore I’d have more time, I swore it would be okay to keep pushing it and pushing it because she’d be there to watch them grow, and change, and maybe she wouldn’t be in the photos, but she’d see the photos. I sent her photos every single day. But, I  was wrong.

She never got to see her grow.

She never got to see the photos, let alone be in them. She diedher life cut drastically short, and all I have of her and my youngest child is one measly photo. Devastating. 

If you asked me now, four years later, what my biggest regret after losing my mom was, I would say not saying yes every dang time she asked me to take a photo of her with any one of my kids. Every single time, every (let’s be real) annoying minute of it because now I’m left devastated that I don’t have more. I find myself digging through every phone, every iPad, anything, just hoping there’s something I missed. But there’s not. There’s just the one photo. There’s just her. There’s just her.  There’s just loss. 

Take the photos.

I mean it. Treasure those moments because they’re literally gone in an instant. Death happens, we know this. As awful as it is, everyone dies at some point, but we never ever expect it to happen to us. I don’t know why . . . maybe because we just don’t want it to happen to us.

RELATED: I’m So Thankful My Mom Made Us Take That Photo

Death is the one thing we all experience but no one is ever prepared for. So how can we be more prepared? We can live. Live fully. Love fully, and indulge in the joy that is right in front of our faces, enjoying each precious moment while it’s happening. Life is just too short to have to look back and grieve the photos you never took. So, take it from me, take the photos and keep taking them. Don’t feel guilty for it either because it’s a far worse feeling when you don’t have them at all. 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Britney Longarzo

Britney Longarzo is the mom of three kiddos, newly a birth doula, and can usually be found wrapped in a cozy robe (even in the summer). Britney writes about all things #momlife on her blog, Birth Boobs and Babies. She has also been featured on Scary Mommy and Pregnant Chicken. You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and her website birthboobsandbabies.com.

Take Pictures with Your Heart Too

In: Motherhood
Mom and young girl touch noses

As a new mama, I was instantly compelled to try and snap pictures of every second of my baby’s new life. To be honest, I wanted to document every sneeze and blink. The tiny hands, the big brown eyes, the face that looks just like his dad. I wanted to capture it all. And rightfully so. The pride and joy I felt were unmatched. The new mom love I felt and continue to feel eclipsed everything else in my life at the time. I thought I needed to capture every little thing my baby did so I would have it...

Keep Reading

Don’t Take Your Mom For Granted—I’d Give Anything to Have Mine Back

In: Grief, Loss
Grieving woman sitting in window

You know that super cliché saying “You don’t know what you’ve got till’ its gone”? It is true. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I always knew my mom was one-of-a-kind. I knew she was genuine, caring, supportive, loving, and my biggest fan. But I NEVER thought about what my life would be like without her. I never thought about her leaving this earth too early and missing so many things. I took for granted the moments we shared assuming there would be many more. I took for granted the little things because I never thought there would be a...

Keep Reading

Let the Grandparents Spoil While They Still Can

In: Grief, Kids, Motherhood
Two kids stand beside their grandma's grave

Today my children visited their grandmother, or as we call her Memeré (French for Grandma). It wasn’t like most visits with a grandparent. This one was at the cemetery. This is the place we must visit her now. She’s no longer on Earth blessing us with her joy, love, and cuddles. Instead of packing the car to head for a weekend of fun with her, we come here, to the cemetery, with broken hearts and tearful eyes. The sight of my children visiting my mother’s grave is heartbreaking. It’s a pain so immense that it’s practically debilitating. Watching them talk...

Keep Reading