Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

A few years ago, I made the statement that I didn’t like teenagers. I remember thinking they were selfish, disrespectful know-it-alls. At that time, my oldest nephew was 12, and my own children were even younger. I did end the brief rant with the statement that I would revisit the idea in a year when my nephew would become a teenager. 

Then, one by one, the kids in our family fell into that dreaded category: first my younger brother, then my nephew, then a couple of years later my son and my niece.

They were still great kids–people I wanted to know and spend time with.

Surely though, they were the exception and the evil force that took over teens once that magical turn of the clock happened was just simply lost on them. It was around that time, however, that my husband also took over as youth leader of our church. “Boy, he’s in for it (and so I am by way of association),” I thought. 

An amazing thing happened though: I found myself actually liking these teens. They were fun and I genuinely enjoyed their company. They struggled with selfishness and unkindness and even disrespect from time to time, like any human, but I enjoyed helping my husband plan events and games for the group and anticipated them being blessed and having a good time. So, I began thinking, “Is this a fantastic and exceptional group of kids, or was my perception of teens wrong?”  Though I do think the kids in our group are pretty great, I’ve come to realize the latter is the case.

Unfortunately, what I’ve found is that not everyone else has come to this conclusion. There are many people who see teens and assume that trouble is coming. They judge their motives and attitudes from the start without any evidence other than size and age. I’m embarrassed that I used to be one of them, but I’ve realized that part of the issue was that I just didn’t understand them, and I think that may be the main problem with others.

Teens are going through an intensely difficult time in their lives. I think we’ve all heard people say that the high school years are the best time of your life. Seriously? I wouldn’t go back to high school for anything. The truth is, a lot gets better after the teenage years. 

Besides the obvious physiological things that are taking place in teenagers’ bodies that produce noses and ears they have to grow into, pimply faces, cracky voices and getting used to periods, there are a ton of emotional and mental issues going on that confuse and stress them. They are trying to figure things out. Serious things. Things like, “Who am I really?”and, “What am I going to do after high school?” and, “What do I truly believe from a spiritual standpoint?” And to complicate things more, they have peers, parents, teachers, and other adults telling them how they should answer these questions, often with conflicting advice.

This is a time in life that they need encouragement, comfort, and hope. But, even more so, they need an exceeding amount of grace. Quite often, too much is expected of them. We see their size (my 16-year-old towers over me at 6’1’’ and my 13 year old is at least 2 inches taller than me) and think they should act like mature adults. The truth is though, they are still kids.

There have been a great deal of things the teens in my life have wanted to do, but they worry about what adults will think of them. Take, for instance, the great trick-or-treating debate. Few teens would say no to free candy, but so many comments have been made to tweens and teens who trick-or-treat that many are nervous to do it. “Aren’t you too old?” people ask when they come to the door. No matter how respectful or kind the teens are, some people believe they should “grow up” and act like adults. But, they aren’t adults.

Teens are caught in a place between kid and adult. One day they feel mature and want to be treated like adults with responsibilities and privileges, and the next day (or later that evening) they want to carve pumpkins and watch cartoons.

Give them grace. Let them be kids when they want to be, and gently guide them into adulthood. Don’t expect too much out of them. Don’t let their size fool you. They aren’t adults yet and shouldn’t be expected to know how proper adults act. They are still figuring out who they are and where they fit.

They will make mistakes. Hold them accountable, but be understanding. They still want love, acceptance, and to know they are valuable. Be the safe person they can come to. They will remember and appreciate the grace, and you will reap the blessings of a relationship with a unique person in a unique stage of life.

 

 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Cyndy Payne

I am a homeschooling mom of four from Northern Michigan.

Dear Daughter, It’s Okay If You Hate Me Right Now

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Teen girl looking up at mother

Dear daughter: I’ve heard it from you a thousand times when you don’t get your way. You yell it when your force of will doesn’t bend mine, thinking it will convince me to give in. But I’m here to tell you once and for all: I don’t care if you hate me right now. Last night you hated me because I made you take a bath before bed. This morning, it was because I made you wear pants. I’m the worst mom ever because I told you to eat a vegetable, and the whole day is ruined because I won’t...

Keep Reading

You’re Learning Life by Watching Me

In: Kids, Motherhood
Child touching mother's face as they lie on a bed

Every morning my daughter and I go outside for some fresh air. She feeds her chickens and plays and explores and walks around with her dog while I follow her around and have a cup of coffee.  This morning, my girl grabbed one of her coffee cups from her toy kitchen and brought it outside with her while she walked with her dog and pretended to take sips out of it.  Guys. I stood there watching her with her toy coffee cup, walking around with her animals, and I cried giant baby tears.  RELATED: I Wasn’t Counting On You Growing...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Love Means Slowing Down

In: Friendship, Kids
Two boys on bicycles riding to park, shown from behind

Think of something faster than a 7-year-old boy on a two-wheel bike. Maybe a race car at the drop of the checkered flag? Perhaps a rocket ship blasting into space? Or how quickly a toddler mom books it out of the house after being told she can have a hands-free hour ALONE in Target. Yes, all of these things are seriously speedy, but I have still never seen anything quite as quick as a boy on a bike on a sunny day with endless open track ahead of him. Until today. Today, my 6-year-old son wanted to ride bikes with...

Keep Reading

I Am a Wrestling Mom

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three young boys with wrestling medals, color photo

As the sun is rising on a frigid winter morning, a brave and determined group of athletes are weighing in at a high school gym. They are physically and mentally preparing for a long day spent at a tournament where they will spend only minutes wrestling, despite the hours they sit and wait all day. Their sport uses offense, defense, and mental strength unlike any other sport. My sons and nephew are wrestlers. They are part of a special team of athletes who work together but compete as individuals.           Their youth team is run by all volunteer coaches with...

Keep Reading

3 Ways to Help Your Firstborn Embrace Becoming a Big Brother

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Pregnant woman holding toddler son, color photo

My oldest son turned four right after his first brother was born. Four years of alone time with his parents. Four years of extra mommy time during the week. Four years of having toys to himself, extra attention from family members, and more. I didn’t plan a four-year age gap; it took our family a lot longer and a lot more help than we expected to have our second son, but age gaps aren’t everything. When my second son was finally on the way, I heard a lot of opinions about how our oldest son would feel once he finally...

Keep Reading

Dear Busy Sports Mom: It’s Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Mom watching soccer game, photo from behind

My daughter stands on the front porch every morning and waves goodbye to me as I pull out of the driveway to go to work.  She is 11, and recently eye-rolling, long sighs, and tears have become more commonplace in our daily interactions. But, there is also this: “Bye! Have a good day!” she calls to me in the quiet of early morning, neighbors not yet awake in their still dark houses. “You are AMAZING! You got this!” she continues in her little adult voice, sounding more like a soccer mom than a fifth grader.   Her hair is still a...

Keep Reading

Goodbye to the Baby Hangers

In: Kids, Motherhood
Shirt hanging from small hanger, color photo

You bought them when you first found out you were pregnant. It may have been one of the first items, actually, to hold all of the precious new clothes. The smallest ones in your household. Do you remember that first newborn onesie you bought? It was one of your favorites. You couldn’t fathom you would soon hold something so small that would fit into that onesie. You washed all of the new clothing in preparation and hung them up in your baby’s closet. You know the item. A miniature version of the ones in your closet. Baby hangers. “Do we...

Keep Reading

Take the Trip, You Won’t Regret It

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood

Two years ago, in the middle of a snowy, windy, Colorado March, my husband and I made the spontaneous decision to road trip to Arizona with our three very young kids.  Even though I was excited, the nerves were so very real. Over the next couple of weeks, I literally lost sleep worrying about the logistics of our trip. My late-night mindless scrolling was replaced by searches like “traveling with toddlers” and “keeping kids entertained on road trips”. We already had our hands full chasing kids at home in a familiar setting. Were we crazy to think we could just...

Keep Reading

They’ll Remember the Love Most of All

In: Kids, Motherhood
Woman with kids from above, pregnant mother with kids hands on belly

You lie in bed at the end of a long day, the events of the day flashing back through your mind. You do this a lot—recap your day as a mama. How did you do? Did you maintain your patience? Did you play enough? Did you limit screen time? Did you yell less today than you did yesterday? You saw a really neat toddler activity in the group you’re a part of on Facebook . . . you should have done that with the kids. They would have loved it. There wasn’t enough time though, and you didn’t have all...

Keep Reading

He’s Slowly Walking Away with Footprints As Big As Mine

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Teen boy walking along beach shore

The true measure of a mother’s love is her willingness to wake up before the sun on vacation. On a recent trip to the shore, my youngest son begged to walk the beach at dawn to look for shells. So, I set my alarm, tumbled out of a warm, king-sized bed with extra squishy pillows, glared at my dead-to-the-world husband, and gently woke my 11-year-old. Without so much as a drop of coffee, we headed out into the morning, the sun still below the ocean horizon. With each step, I shed my zombie-like state and took in the quiet, salt-kissed...

Keep Reading