Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

Dear daughter,

I saw your smiling face crumble out of the corner of my eye. I noticed you stopped scrolling on your phone and looked deeper into the screen. Your body that was sitting comfortably in our minivan went rigid, and then you shifted in the leather seat to look out the window toward snowy trees and empty soccer fields. Your sigh sounded like you had the entire world on your shoulders.

When we stopped at a traffic light, I turned and softly asked, “Are you OK, honey? Is something wrong?”

And you replied, “No, Mom. Everything’s cool.”

But I knew it wasn’t. Someone in this world just told you that you were not enough.

I knew better than to pry. I’ve learned the hard way when dealing with teenagers that fewer questions usually lead to more answers—eventually.

That knowledge didn’t stop me from wanting to take you in my arms and protect your beautiful spirit or wonder what it was that changed your mood.

There are so many times this world will try to beat you down, so many times people will tell you that you are not worthy.

Was it your grades? Please know your GPA, your class rank, or what college you attend can’t measure your goodness. Remember that life is about the impact you have on others, so work on building your brain and growing your heart, and the rest will fall into place.

Was it a picture you saw on Instagram or a mean-spirited message on SnapChat? Please know that what others do on social media is not about you, sweet girl. Give those people the benefit of the doubt, and try to give them grace. What people write online says infinitely more about them than it will ever say about you.

Was it an ad you saw with a supermodel who sported perfect hair and a killer body? Did that make you feel disappointed in your appearance? In this crazy world, media tells women they are inadequate a minimum of one thousand times a day, and photo editing changes what we think is “normal”.

You will want whiter teeth or straighter hair. Nicer clothes. Plumper lips and thinner thighs. I wish I could say it gets better, but it doesn’t—it all depends on how you see yourself. Fight the urge to conform and love what makes you unique. Remember, cookie cutters should be used in baking and not for people.

Did someone break your trust? Unfortunately, this will happen a lot over the years. Your friends or people you date may not adhere to the same standard of privacy as you do, or their desire to feel “in the know” is more important than your relationship. Learn that when people show you who they are, you need to believe them—but never forget that some friends also deserve a second chance. Go with your gut.

Are you sad for someone else? I hope you never sit idly by when someone else gets treated poorly. You have to live with yourself and adhere to your moral compass. Remember to use your voice. It is stronger than you think.

Dear daughter, I know you may never tell me what sank your spirit today, I may never know who told you that you are not enough.

But please remember this: no person or achievement, no amount of likes or fans, no number on the scale or score on a test can make you happy. It is a choice you have to make every day, and it is hard.

Find what makes you the happiest and do a lot of that.

And know that you are exactly enough as you are at this moment.

Anyone telling you differently just wants to feel enough, too.

This post originally appeared on Grown & Flown.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Whitney Fleming

Whitney is a mom of three teen daughters, a freelance writer, and co-partner of the site parentingteensandtweens.com You can find her on Facebook at WhitneyFlemingWrites.

Stop Putting an Expiration Date on Making Memories

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother and son in small train ride

We get 12 times to play Santa (if we’re lucky). This phrase stopped my scroll on a Sunday evening. I had an idea of the direction this post was going but I continued on reading. 12 spring breaks 12 easter baskets 20 tooth fairy visits 13 first days of school 1 first date 1-2 proms 1-2 times of seeing them in their graduation cap and gown 18 summers under the same roof And so on and so on. It was essentially another post listing the number of all the monumental moments that we, Lord willing, will get to experience with our...

Keep Reading

When Your Kids Ask, “Where Is God?”

In: Faith, Kids
Child looking at sunset

How do I know if the voice I’m hearing is God’s voice? When I was in high school, I found myself asking this question. My dad was a pastor, and I was feeling called to ministry. I didn’t know if I was just hearing my dad’s wish or the call of God. I was worried I was confusing the two. It turns out, I did know. I knew because I was raised to recognize the presence of God all around me. Once I knew what God’s presence felt like, I also knew what God’s voice sounded like. There is a...

Keep Reading

Go Easy On the Parents Who Refuse to Skip Naps

In: Kids, Motherhood
Two little boys and their sister walking down a gravel road, color photo

Greetings from a mom who is done with napping children. It’s great to have the flexibility during the day for longer activities, meeting friends for playdates, or day trips to faraway places. It’s a new life . . . the life without naps. The freedom to make plans and keep them. But not that long ago, I was something very different than the flexible, plan-keeping, up-for-it woman I am today. I used to be the mom who refused to skip my child’s nap. Yep, that one. Here’s the thing, for a lot of parents, It’s so much more than just a...

Keep Reading

My Heart Isn’t Ready for You to Stop Believing in Santa

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy standing in front of lit christmas tree

“My friend doesn’t believe in Santa anymore, Mom,” my son said out of the blue the other day. We were driving in the car, and when I met his gaze in the rear-view mirror his eyes searched mine. Immediately, my heart sank.  This sweet boy, he’s our first. Thoughtful and smart and eight years old. A quick Google search tells me that’s the average age kids stop believing in Santa, but as his mom, I’m not ready for that—not even a little bit.  I can still hear his barely 2-year-old voice going on about reindeer as we lay together on...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, This Is My Wish for You

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother hugs three kids

To my kids, The world you’re stepping into is unlike anything I experienced at your age. It’s fast-paced, interconnected, and sometimes overwhelming. But within this chaos lie countless opportunities for growth and joy. My wish for you is that you find the perfect balance between embracing the modern world and staying true to yourselves. Change is one thing you can always count on. Embrace it because it’s often the motivation for growth. Embracing change doesn’t mean letting go of who you are; rather, it’s about evolving into the best version of yourself. Remember, you don’t need to have all the...

Keep Reading

Motherhood is a Million Little Letting Gos and Fresh Hellos

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother sitting with child on her lap by the setting sun and water

I missed my grocery-shopping buddy the other day. Mondays are usually the days my littlest and I knock out our grocery list. In the past, we’ve dropped the kids at school and then headed to the store. I grab a latte, and she chooses a hot chocolate. But that day, they were all in school. That day, she sat in her kindergarten class, and I went to the grocery store. Alone. A new rhythm. A changed routine. A different season. I listened to a podcast on the drive. My podcast. Then I grabbed a drink. Just one. I got the...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter, Stay Wild

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother and daughter on beach, color photo

I can’t really put my finger on it. Or manage to find all the words. But there’s just something about that girl. Maybe it’s the way her hair sits tangled. Curled up at the end. The way she moves. Dances. As if everyone was watching. Or no one at all. RELATED: There is Wild Beauty in This Spirited Child of Mine It could be the way she smiles. With her heart. The way only she can. The way she cares, loves. For everyone. For herself. You see, she is beautiful in the way only wild things are. The way they...

Keep Reading

You’re Becoming a Big Sister, But You’ll Always Be My Baby

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood
Pregnant woman with young daughter, color photo

The anticipation of welcoming a new baby into the world is an exciting and joyous time for our family. From the moment we found out we were expecting to just about every day since, the love and excitement only continue to grow. However, amidst all the preparations for the new addition, I cannot help but have mixed emotions as I look back at old videos and pictures of my firstborn, my first princess, my Phoebe—for she will always hold a special place in my heart. As the anticipation grows, my heart swells with a mix of emotions knowing we are...

Keep Reading

Cowgirls Don’t Cry Unless the Horse They Loved Is Gone

In: Grief, Kids, Loss
Little girls Toy Story Jessie costume, color photo

The knee of my pants is wet and dirty. My yellow ring lays by the sink—it’s been my favorite ring for months. I bought it to match Bigfoot’s halter and the sunflowers by his pasture. Bigfoot is my daughter’s pony, and I loved him the most. The afternoon is so sunny. His hooves make the same calming rhythm I’ve come to love as I walk him out back. A strong wind blows through the barn. A stall labeled “Bigfoot,” adorned with a sunflower, hangs open and I feel sick. I kneel down by his side as he munches the grass....

Keep Reading

Let Them Wear the Costumes Whenever They Want

In: Kids
Kids in costumes walking around living room

I have five children. My oldest is 18, and my youngest is 8. Over the years, I have bought quite a few Halloween costumes. It always starts in late summer—the kids start getting excited about dressing up and want to start looking online for costumes because they want to make sure they’re delivered on time. As the kids have gotten older, a couple of them have even planned out costumes a few years in advance. It’s always fun watching their excitement, and it’s always fun “sharing” the candy with them. One of the things I’ve always done is allow them...

Keep Reading