On May 4th, 2023 I was delivered devastating news. My husband no longer loved me, and he wanted to end our marriage. This was the last thing I expected. I tried to get him to work things out, but he was firm on the decision that we were done. My heart broke for my children and what I thought I wanted for my life. As it turns out though, this separation and soon-to-be divorce is probably one of the best things that could have happened to me. It has given me a new appreciation for myself, brought me closer to God, and given me an incredible support system.
One of the best things about my separation has been finding that support system. This group is full of people who are younger than me, older than me, family members, friends I have had for years, and friends I have made because they have gone through similar separations and divorces. These are my people who I can call or text anytime and they are going to be there to listen.
Each person in my support system has played such a unique role. I have the ones I can show up on their porch and they take me in and let me just sit in silence or talk if I need to. I have the people I can call crying and they are going to listen, pull me back together, or even show up where I am. The people who will give me the advice and opinions I ask, or even don’t ask, for. Honestly, the list could go on. Many of these people existed in my life before the separation, but it wasn’t until I opened up to them and started asking for help that they became my strongest supporters and advocates. I would not be where I am today without them.
RELATED: To the Mom Going through a Divorce
The biggest transition has been in myself. Growing up, I was pretty certain I would get married young. I knew I wanted children and I wanted a house. The American dream, I guess, would be the best way to word it. So, when all that was suddenly taken away from me, I panicked.
Since then I have had the time to realize that I am fine on my own. I can do this, and I actually am enjoying myself and my time. I don’t miss my ex now that he’s gone. I realize I have a lot of things to still look forward to, and I can do those things whether I’m married or not. My marriage was just a bonus to who I was, it’s not all that I was. I’m more than just someone’s wife or my children’s mom. I have dreams and goals for just myself that I want to attain, and I know I’m worthy of all I want.
I feel like a better mom to my two children because I have been able to work on myself more. I am now trying to put more focus into my profession and see what exactly I want to do in the future. This new life change has given me the breath of air I was so desperately needing.
My separation has also brought me closer to God. I grew up in the church and my parents are both United Methodist ministers. So my religion is not anything new. After my ex delivered the news, I, naturally, questioned God as to why this was going to be my life. I didn’t see a path for me. None of this made sense. I am a good person, I go out of my way to do things for others, I always do what I think is right and what God would intend.
RELATED: Divorce is a Series of Unfortunate Events That Can Still Have a Happy Ending
As the weeks progressed I prayed more often, I sat in silence and tried to listen, I journaled and reflected, and I even changed which church I went to. Each day, I get more clarity. God didn’t do this to me, it’s not a punishment. But it is part of my life journey, and I know that even in my darkest moments, I have a purpose and a reason to keep on doing my best and moving forward because God is with me throughout each moment.
For those in similar situations, you’re not alone. Some days it feels like it, but there are others out there who know the same emotions, who have been in similar situations as you, and you are loved and supported. Some days the support is quieter than others, and that’s hard. Don’t hesitate to reach out to others for help. You will get through this, and it will get better.
by Erin Uhlaender 
