There are storms of emotion involved with the big D-word. No matter the cause or circumstances divorce is quite the beast to bear. I cried and screamed and was utterly broken. I mourned the traditional life I had always dreamed of, but my world did not end.
Looking back, I can recognize the stages of grief but at the time, it was one foot in front of the other. As thoughts and sorrow overwhelmed, I would take huge gasps of air and tell myself out loud that this too shall pass. I clung to the teeter-totter of ups and downs with white knuckles and refused to fall off. Divorce was not the end of my world.
It can be easy to get wrapped up in what society says your path should be. I would dwell on the what-ifs and overanalyze all of the change and unknown variables. I would prepare myself for uncomfortable conversations with concerned co-workers or acquaintances and remind myself again and again that this life event does not define who I am. I would falter and shake but my world did not end.
I learned along the way that the tribe God had placed in my life was strong, and thank goodness because I was certainly weak at times. They never let me fall and were able to grant grace when I didn’t deserve it. My journey was a blend of chosen solitude and spurts of needing to be social. I wanted to be around people, but blend in and not speak of my current happenings. My tribe understood this was a phase, but that divorce was not the end of my world.
Little by little, the burden became lighter. My days got brighter as I traveled farther down the path. It became easier to make decisions for me and my daughter, and with each decision made I felt more empowered. Time allowed me to see myself in a new light, one of strength and capability. Divorce was not the end of my world.
The big D is certainly a beast to tackle, but within you lies all you need to take it on. Stand tall when you can and wilt when you need to, but know that this moment is just that: a temporary, fleeting moment that you will move beyond. You can get through this and you will. Breathe deep and know that divorce will not be the end of your world.
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