Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

A few months ago, I remember complaining about you. A few weeks ago, I remember complaining about you. I’m so sorry.

It wasn’t your fault. I mean, you’re not even two years old. I was just so tired, you know?

I love being your mom. I love it with a love that I can’t comprehend or really even explain. Sometimes, I look at you and you look back at me with this toothy grin that, when paired with your cheeky gaze through wispy baby bangs, absolutely stops me in my tracks. You’re a cutie and you have my whole heart and you know it. 

But also, baby girl, it’s been so tiring. Sometimes, being your mama all day long leaves me feeling utterly depleted and exhausted. 

But I’m so sorry I complained about you. I was so tired of you always wanting to be on my hip and your constant whining that didn’t seem to relent. At the time it felt like I just couldn’t get a break from it. I know there was so much going on in our life but I didn’t extend the grace to you that I could have. If I’m honest, baby girl, I didn’t extend that grace to myself, either. Or your daddy. Or your big sister.

I’m so sorry. For wishing you would grow up a little quicker. Need me a little less. Not want to be picked up all the time. Be more advanced than your current stage.

I looked over at you the other day and suddenly realized—this little girl is growing up before my eyes. Gosh, it caught me off guard.

Just last week, or so it seems, you couldn’t verbalize anything. Today, I heard you repeat back to me clearly what I was saying. Your baby babbles are changing into real words and my mama heart can’t keep up. I’ve been lamenting that your feet are too small to fit any of the “proper” shoes at the store, but now your growing toes are sitting comfortably within them. Same with your clothes. 

That head of wispy ginger hair that wasn’t quite long enough to gather into a ponytail is now long enough to do so. I see you running and jumping and climbing and keeping up with all the big kids. You look so much older now with a mouthful of teeth.

The milestones I was begging for, complaining for even, just a few short weeks ago, are already here. I’m so happy but so sad at the same time. This job of being a mom—it wreaks havoc on my poor heart. It’s a roller-coaster of emotions. One moment I’m desperately wishing you would grow up, just a little, and the next I’m lamenting the fact that it’s happened and I wish we could go back.

I’m so sorry, baby girl, that I’ve been wishing away the present when the future is coming all too quickly.

I don’t want to spend my todays longing for tomorrow. Because as I sit here and watch you grow before my eyes, baby girl, my heart is already breaking for the day when you will walk on out of here. As that day approaches, I know I’ll be begging for time to slow down, just a little. Today, as I watch you keep up with your older sister, sit quietly at the dinner table, play independently and color in with big kid pens, I feel my mama heart coming undone. The littleness in our home is quickly disappearing and I don’t quite know if I’m ready to let it go.

Baby girl, I’m sorry for complaining. I know I’ll most likely do it again, as soon as the hard creeps upon us again, but I want you to know that you are absolutely worth it. The good, the hard, the challenges, the havoc that you are wreaking on my mama heart—you are so absolutely worth it. In this stage, at this age, in this moment—and every stage, age and moment to come.

You may also like:

Two-Year-Olds Aren’t Terrible, They’re Just Trying to Understand Life

So God Made a Toddler

The Secret No One Told Me About the Toddler Years is How Much I Could Absolutely Love Them

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Sina Steele

Sina is a wife, mom and creative from New Zealand. Along with raising her daughters, she enjoys working from home in social media, design and writing. She serves alongside her husband at a Christian missions-training college in New Zealand. She loves encouraging women to step out in faith, and you can find her writing ministry over at Her Mustard Faith.

From Baby to Boy

In: Baby, Motherhood, Toddler
Toddler boy asleep with legs tucked under his belly

The sweet snuggles and sighs are slowly making way for more crawling climbing and exploring each day. And just when I think my baby is gone, you snuggle into my chest, convincing me I’m wrong. I watch as you excitedly chase after your sis and giggle as you share with me your slobbery kiss. RELATED: They Tell You To Hold the Baby, But No One Warns You How Fast He Grows Daytime hours bring playful adventures as I watch my baby leave, but then a sleeping bum curled in the air makes me believe that these cherished baby moments haven’t...

Keep Reading

Having Two Under Two Was the Best Decision I Ever Made

In: Baby, Motherhood, Toddler
Toddler and newborn lying next to each other on a bed

My baby was 14 months old when I found out I was pregnant with baby number two. He had just learned how to walk, still requiring me to walk behind him holding both of his hands above his head so he wouldn’t topple over. In other words, my baby was still very much a baby, and I couldn’t believe I’d be adding another baby to the mix. Excited, but mostly terrified, I researched and read more articles than I can count on what it’s like to be a parent of two under two. These articles more often than not use...

Keep Reading

I Miss the Fingerprints on the Glass

In: Motherhood, Toddler
Toddler with dirty hands at door

The absence of fingerprints is loud. I know, I know. We’ve heard it a million times before from seniors and articles plastered across the internet, “One day you’ll miss those fingerprints and wish you had little ones to clean up after.” And those people are probably right, but as many times as you hear it as a young mom, you are so thick in motherhood that you can’t possibly fathom what those words truly mean. However, I got a little glimpse of it this past week when my husband was out of town. See, we have a beautiful storm door...

Keep Reading

Baby Boy, There’s So Much I Want You To Know

In: Baby, Motherhood, Toddler
Mom kissing little boy toddler on cheek

To the little boy who made me a mom,  I feel like it was just yesterday when I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test.  When the kicks and the excitement of hearing your heartbeat was like no other feeling. When my water broke and your daddy and I had a panic attack thinking, “This is really happening. We are parents.”  When I held you in my arms for the first time.  When Daddy and I were wondering how in the world we were going to be able to do this at home on our own.  RELATED: New Parents...

Keep Reading

3 Things Toddlers Teach Us if We Slow Down and Notice

In: Motherhood, Toddler
Toddler and mother hold dandelion flower

The saying goes, “Learn from your elders.” I’ve heard it said throughout my childhood and into my adult life. There is a lot to learn from people who are older than you, especially from their mistakes. However, I’ve come to realize that I can learn a great deal about living in the present from my gutsy toddler. Being a parent allows—more like forces—you to live in the moment. Toddlers are temperamental, tenacious, tender-hearted, and if they are anything like my daughter, they are also incredibly talkative. Their mood swings hit you in the face, sometimes quite literally with the unwanted...

Keep Reading

Kids Need Grace and So Do Their Moms

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Woman touching child's forehead

We were having a hard morning. Our house was overrun with toys, I hadn’t had a chance to get dressed, and my stress level was increasing by the minute. To top it all off, my 3-year-old was having a meltdown anytime I spoke to her. Even looking in her general direction was a grave mistake. It was one of those days that as a parent, you know you’re really in for it. I was quickly losing my patience. My frustration began to ooze out of me. I snapped orders, stomped around, and my attitude quite clearly was not pleasant to...

Keep Reading

I Don’t Want to Spend Today Worrying How Much I’ll Miss Him Tomorrow

In: Motherhood, Toddler
Toddler boy kissing mom on cheek, color photo

Dear toddler, Everyone tells me the days are long, but the years are short. They tell me I’ll turn around twice and you’ll suddenly be grown. They tell me I will look back and miss this season of life so fiercely that I’d give nearly anything to revisit one of these typical toddler days with you. And I believe them. I believe them because I already miss the past versions of you. I look back at photos and videos of your very first year and feel my heart squeeze tight while I let out a sentimental sigh. I remember how...

Keep Reading

Today I Said Goodbye To the Only Version of You I’ve Ever Known

In: Baby, Motherhood, Toddler
Toddler holding mom's hand walking, color photo

It is my first time saying goodbye. Today brought conflicting emotions to the surface like a rising tide as it inevitably crashes to shore. I felt immense joy as giddy laughter bubbled forth from the feat my child conquered today. You walked across the house on your not-so-wobbly legs, strutting around, with the confidence of the toddler you’ve become. This also brings upon a sense of fear and anxiety that is unavoidable when change occurs as rapidly as day shifts to night. Today, I had to say goodbye to the first version of you I’ve ever known. The version that...

Keep Reading

It Felt Like the Terrible Twos Made Me a Terrible Mother

In: Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Mother crying on floor with young son next to her

In the beginning, motherhood was a magical journey full of excitement and wonder. Every new milestone brought me joy and amazement: First ultrasound. First kicks in the belly. First time to hear her cry. First time to hold her. First time to breastfeed her. First time to see her smile. First time to listen to her say “Mama.” First tooth to come out. First time to walk. From the beginning of my pregnancy until her first year of life outside the belly, I’ve been through many milestones almost every week. Even though I felt tired and hadn’t slept more than...

Keep Reading

I’ve Got Toddlers and Teens and I’m Exhausted In Every Way

In: Motherhood, Teen, Toddler
Teen girl and toddler boy, color photo

I have four kids, so I have felt many levels of exhaustion over the past 13 years since becoming a mother. Let me tell you this—there is no exhaustion quite like being a mother to a toddler and a young teenager. Being tired isn’t just physical anymore; it’s emotional too. One minute I’m sprinting after my son, the toddler, who is bee-lining toward the street to get his loose ball. The next minute, I’m listening and guiding my middle school daughter as she processes the current school or friend drama happening in her life. It’s a new level of exhaustion...

Keep Reading