Mother’s Day this past year was a regular Sunday just like every other (wait, I thought this was a Father’s Day post? Hang with me). With the exception that I was brought my coffee in bed and that I got to do my regular household chores alone (gasp!) my day was really quite normal. There were no flowers, no singing cards, no jewelry, no hand made gifts. You see, my husband doesn’t ever get me anything for Mother’s Day. And I’m going to tell you why I’ve become OK with that.

For a long time, I used to think that what my husband gifted me with was somehow proof of his love and appreciation of who I was; that a sappy Facebook post and a dozen roses with a “You’re the best mother ever!” card was the confidence booster I needed to really know how grateful he was for me. But as we have been married longer, the cards and flowers have slowed down (they’re still there, just not as often) and the random surprises are virtually gone. But in replacement of these “scheduled” holidays of affirmation, something else has taken their place. Something that has really changed who I am and how I see myself as a wife and a mom.

What my husband gives me instead is consistent affirmation.

I’m proud of you. 

You are a great mom.

You’re the best wife.

Thanks for all you did around the house today.

I’m so glad you’re my wife.

I love you so much.

And yes, even the occasional You are so hot, followed by a solid smack to the rear.

These words come out of his mouth almost everyday. Everyday he tells me the words that some women only hear on Mother’s Day or their anniversaries. And every time he tells me these words, he means them. Not only does he mean them, but he shows me he believes them, too. He shows me when he takes out the trash, when he gets up early with the girls so I can sleep in, when he takes them out of the house so I can get some housework done, when he puts his arm around me in church, when he takes me to the umpteenth antique store and buys me the umpteenth vintage apron, when we have sex and when he loves our girls so stinking well.

You see, showing me everyday consistent affirmation is the Mother’s Day gift that gives to me year round. Because of his gift to me, I don’t have to wonder if he thinks I’m doing a good job or if he recognizes my efforts. I know my husband loves me by his words and actions everyday, not just on the days that society says he should tell me so. Everyday I know who I am to my husband, and I know that I’m loved and valued.

So this year for Father’s Day, my Baby Daddy isn’t getting anything (except for maybe a nap). But I’m vowing to do my best to let him know everyday what a gift of a husband and father he is to me and our children. Because I never want him to go a day without knowing how truly thankful I am for him. Or how hot he still is.