Journal Relationships

5 Reasons I’m Glad I Didn’t Meet My Husband on the Bachelor

Written by Sarah Althouse

I’m glad I didn’t meet my husband on the Bachelor. Not that the show would have allowed me on anyway: I don’t drink, I don’t like to fly, and I’d make terrible TV.

Don’t get me wrong. Some relationships actually do work out – take Sean and Catherine Lowe. Not only do they have an adorable little family now, but they got several free trips in the process.

But besides all that, I’m still glad I didn’t meet my husband on the Bachelor and here’s why:

  1. We worked out hard problems before getting engaged and married.

You know, like learning to work through issues and meet the in-laws and realize you both have a completely different communication style but you’re willing to work through that anyway.


During our pre-marital sessions, our counselor actually asked us – with a worried face – if we knew how differently we communicated based on the results of an extensive test we took. We both just laughed because we sure did!

Relationships and marriage will never be easy, they take work, but it’s good to know what you’re getting into before hand. Being prepared and ready to face obstacles together is half the battle, something I unfortunately feel Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants miss out on.

They don’t have to work through every day problems. Literally everything is taken care of for them. They don’t have to meet friends, learn to adjust their schedule for this person, or hang out with family members (for more than 10 minutes) who may not like them.

Instead they get to pretend that they planned a date where a helicopter drops them off on a private yacht in the middle of the Caribbean. I feel like real life must be a rude awakening, which is probably why sadly few of these relationships work out.

  1. I didn’t have to compete with 20 other women to “get the guy.”

My husband is attractive and funny and friendly and no way I could deal with other women trying to throw themselves at him.

Hint: You know you’re on a reality dating show when you high-five your best friend for going on a date with your boyfriend.

Ever season I am speechless when I see contestants super excited that their friend got a romantic date with the same guy they are dating!!  Now if there was a million million dollar prize at the end, okay, I’d compete. But for a guy I didn’t even know? No, way Jose.

  1. We dated longer than six weeks.Some people can meet and marry in even less time than that but that is just not the way my personality works. See reason #1.

I believe under extreme circumstances (for instance being stranded on a deserted island) you can forge tight bonds and relationships. But in a mansion where you only get a few minutes a week with someone and are expected to become engaged after six weeks? Sure you might get a $200,000 ring if you do but you also have to stay together several years to keep aforementioned ring. Otherwise, Neil Lane comes a knockin’ to take it back!

  1. He had to pursue me, not the other way around.

Sure, there are some women out there who may disagree with me on this, but I still love chivalry and being courted and all that jazz. And my husband was darn good at it, too.  I did not have to throw myself on him at a pool party with 20 other women to get him to notice me. Instead, he would send cupcakes with notes to my office, plan dates he could afford instead of ABC footing the bill, and write me sweet notes.

  1. Lastly, our relationship was built on authenticity.He saw me without makeup, hair extensions and fancy gowns – or in other words – real life. And he STILL wanted to marry me. That’s love.

Instead of meeting outside a mansion, we met in his office at work. I had a meeting with his boss, who was late, so we chatted in the front office while I waited. Not only chatted but he took down my number (convenient) to tell me he would give me a call if his boss came back in time and handed me his card (smart) in case I needed to contact the office.

Nor did my husband and I didn’t fall in love going to exotic islands. In fact, we did next to no traveling together before marriage due to our tradition views.

Instead we fell in love eating at Mexican restaurants, exploring the D.C. Monuments, and ice-skating.

And he didn’t propose on a private island with 30 cameras surrounding us; it was just the two of us on a dock overlooking the Potomac River following an amazing dinner.

And I wouldn’t trade any of it, not even for helicopter rides, swimming with dolphins and a $200,000 ring.

About the author

Sarah Althouse

Sarah is a Buffalo transplant living in Washington, D.C. with her husband Josh and cat Squeakers. By day she work as a Communications Director for a Member of Congress; by night she dreams of being Martha Stewart. She also loves pigs, peonies, politics and peanut butter. Follow her at


  • Yes, real relationships require a depth that is definitely lacking in TV Land. I think anyone who “makes it” from those shows, it’s b/c when the cameras were off, they did all the hard work and real dating that you and your husband did. Authenticity has got it all over fake glamour!

  • I love this post! Don’t get me wrong I love watching the Batchelor and Batchelorette but there is no way I would have been able to say yes to someone after only 6 weeks and in reality just a few dates. My husband and I fell in love over mexican restaurants too! It is one of our favorite date nights!

  • Totally agree! I think it’s too easy to get caught up in “winning” on these shows, at the expense of building an actual relationship. Of course you want to be the one who makes it to the end – but is that because you want to be the one they choose over all of the competition, or that you actually want a lifelong relationship, through all of the ups and downs of marriage? I’m doubtful that you can separate the two in this environment, even if your intentions are wonderful!

  • NUMBER FOUR! OH MY GOSH! YES! PREACH! The man should pursue the woman, end of story. And honestly, that’s one of my favorite parts of our story, is my husband pursuing me. 🙂

  • This is a hilarious topic! I never really thought about it, but I’m also glad I didn’t meet my husband on The Bachelor! It’s such an odd concept to build a healthy relationship.

  • Love this and totally agree. I’d rather have the relationship I have now, than an expensive ring and helicopter rides.

  • I do like the entertainment value of the show but makes me nervous that people plan out their life this way. I loved your take on this.

  • Every time I watch the Bachelor I think this exact same thing! I am so glad this is not how I met my husband. I could not imagine watching my “best friend” go out with my bf. Whew.

  • While I looooove me some Bachelor, these are all so true. Why anyone genuinely looking for a real relationship would think this is the way to go is beyond me. “Hint: You know you’re on a reality dating show when you high-five your best friend for going on a date with your boyfriend.” So bizarre every time!

  • Oh my goodness. I just watched the bachelor for the first time the other night and I was thoroughly surprised by the interaction of support and competition happening all at once. I also question the level of commitment to the relationship after the show. It is definitely addicting to watch, though!

  • I am not sure who would actually want to be on a television show to meet their mate if they want it to be platonic and not just for the screens.

  • Lol, I had to read this because of the title! I hear you! To be honest, I watched a few seasons way back, but it has been forever. I find it so sad that is almost the norm now.

  • Fantastic points all around! There are so many aspects to building a lasting relationship that will never be part of a show like The Bachelor.

  • You definitely made valid points for meeting someone in everyday life lol. I met my fiance in college and I prefer it that way as well (:

  • Awe this is so sweet, I love it! so happy you brought up communication style! that is so key! I always wanted to be on the Bachelor actually! Not because I thought I would meet a husband, but for the experience of it all and that desire only grew as all the girls started launching blogs after their season haha I don’t think (at least I hope) that the girls don’t think they would actually get married on the show! haha

    Rachel | The Confused Millennial

  • I love this! I’m also super confused about how happy some of the girls get for each other. “You get to go have a romantic dinner with my boyfriend! Yay!” uhhh no way! I’m also so thankful for the hard talks my boyfriend and I have had to do, and the time to learn each other’s communication styles and know that even in the hard times when we could walk away, we haven’t. It’s building up so much trust for when marriage (hopefully) keeps us together in a more permanent way.

  • This is super sweet! I used to love watching the bachelor, but it almost became an insult to healthy relationships in my opinion to watch it. I know it’s all for the audience and it really is just a tv show, but still, there’s so much more to a person 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  • You two seem like an adorable couple! So sweet! I watch the Bachelor but I would never want to go on the show! Those relationships aren’t real…. and usually don’t last! This season is especially crazy. xx

  • Hi, Sarah! I’m glad too! Although I do know Ben Higgins and his family and he truly is special. 🙂 I have decided to give up The Bachelor especially after this season’s pick. Love with two people can have its fill with drama let alone twenty! You have great insight! I go into DC quite often and my daughter works for American University. It is about to get crazy with drama 🙂 I live in Germantown.

  • Lol! I have never watched it, but I got the idea of the show! All of these reasons I agree with, I’m happy not to have met my hubby there either!

  • Loved reading this! You brought in the Bachelor references which made me laugh even though I do like watching sometimes. On the other hand you made me think about my relationship and how I very much preferred meeting him the way I did. Lastly, you and your husband have very different communication and you made it work. That gives me hope because I have the same issue and it can be very frustrating. Thanks for this. It is the first time I have read and I enjoyed it 🙂

  • Aww Sarah, the authenticity of your marriage just shines through this post! I love that your husband pursued you, just like God intended. Your relationship sounds incredibly beautiful in the midst of everyday life 🙂