I am generally a friendly person. I like people, and they like me. I’m not a complete extrovert—I usually fall in the middle on any personality tests. I have a good group of friends, but only a few super close ones. I’m very loyal. Once you’ve proven yourself worthy, I will love you forever. But there are a few things I just can’t handle, and honestly, I will probably never get over them or be able to look past them. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. As much as I’m loyal, I’m picky and stubborn too. I’m not proud of that.

So here it is: 5 ways to end a mom friendship. 

1. Be late…All the time. Or cancel our plans…All the time.

I get it. I do. I have 5 kids and run late sometimes. But I also put a heavy importance on being on time. You’re important, and what we are doing is worth my time. If you’re late every single time, it makes me feel like you’re not valuing my time. I am literally too early to things because I’m so worried about being late. I would hate for others to feel disrespected because I walk in 10 minutes late to a meeting or a party. I value our plans and our time. Unless I’m in bed throwing up or my kid has the squirts, I will not cancel our plans. I care too much about your feelings.

2. Talk about me behind my back.

If this happens, I basically am done. I don’t want you talking about my “prayer requests” or my issues with anyone else. I’m a pretty open book, so if you asked me if you could share what’s going on with me to someone else, I most likely will say “yes.” If there’s a problem, just come to me. It might be awkward but that’s okay. That’s normal. I’d rather work through the problem and become better friends, than lose my trust in you.

3. Manipulate my feelings.

Please don’t play the victim, the martyr or the sad one all the time. I will not feel sorry for you. I can tell that you want my sympathy and that you’re trying to make me feel guilty. I can see right through it. I want you to be honest. If you’re feeling hurt, just say so. Don’t make me guess or get mad at me if I don’t know you’re hurting. If I feel like you’re trying to manipulate me, I most likely will run.

4. Have a perfect life.

Show me your mess. I live in a constant state of messiness. I just can’t be real with someone who has it all together. If I’ve never seen you without your make-up on or with the sink full of dishes, I’m probably feeling disconnected. I need the raw version of you. The one that wears yoga pants and no bra while we have coffee. The one that doesn’t pick up before I come over for a playdate. Please, at least leave the toilet unflushed so I feel at home.

5. Ditch me for cooler people.

If we are talking and your eyes are constantly scanning the room for someone else to talk to, I probably won’t be talking to you much longer. I can tell if you’d rather be with the cool hipster moms, or the fashionista that has 235 bracelets on. I’m craving a real connection with you. I want eye contact and sincerity. If we are sitting together at a party and you ditch me, I will most likely not be sitting with you again.

I know there are no perfect people. I know I need to work on grace and forgiveness. I’m so thankful for the friends I do have, and that they accept me, flaws and all. But I can promise you… I will rarely ever be late or cancel, I will NEVER EVER talk about you behind your back, I will not manipulate you, I will totally be a mess 97% of the time, and I won’t ditch you. Ever.