So God Made a Mother is Here! 🎉

I am generally a friendly person. I like people, and they like me. I’m not a complete extrovert—I usually fall in the middle on any personality tests. I have a good group of friends, but only a few super close ones. I’m very loyal. Once you’ve proven yourself worthy, I will love you forever. But there are a few things I just can’t handle, and honestly, I will probably never get over them or be able to look past them. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. As much as I’m loyal, I’m picky and stubborn too. I’m not proud of that.

So here it is: 5 ways to end a mom friendship. 

1. Be late…All the time. Or cancel our plans…All the time.

I get it. I do. I have 5 kids and run late sometimes. But I also put a heavy importance on being on time. You’re important, and what we are doing is worth my time. If you’re late every single time, it makes me feel like you’re not valuing my time. I am literally too early to things because I’m so worried about being late. I would hate for others to feel disrespected because I walk in 10 minutes late to a meeting or a party. I value our plans and our time. Unless I’m in bed throwing up or my kid has the squirts, I will not cancel our plans. I care too much about your feelings.

2. Talk about me behind my back.

If this happens, I basically am done. I don’t want you talking about my “prayer requests” or my issues with anyone else. I’m a pretty open book, so if you asked me if you could share what’s going on with me to someone else, I most likely will say “yes.” If there’s a problem, just come to me. It might be awkward but that’s okay. That’s normal. I’d rather work through the problem and become better friends, than lose my trust in you.

3. Manipulate my feelings.

Please don’t play the victim, the martyr or the sad one all the time. I will not feel sorry for you. I can tell that you want my sympathy and that you’re trying to make me feel guilty. I can see right through it. I want you to be honest. If you’re feeling hurt, just say so. Don’t make me guess or get mad at me if I don’t know you’re hurting. If I feel like you’re trying to manipulate me, I most likely will run.

4. Have a perfect life.

Show me your mess. I live in a constant state of messiness. I just can’t be real with someone who has it all together. If I’ve never seen you without your make-up on or with the sink full of dishes, I’m probably feeling disconnected. I need the raw version of you. The one that wears yoga pants and no bra while we have coffee. The one that doesn’t pick up before I come over for a playdate. Please, at least leave the toilet unflushed so I feel at home.

5. Ditch me for cooler people.

If we are talking and your eyes are constantly scanning the room for someone else to talk to, I probably won’t be talking to you much longer. I can tell if you’d rather be with the cool hipster moms, or the fashionista that has 235 bracelets on. I’m craving a real connection with you. I want eye contact and sincerity. If we are sitting together at a party and you ditch me, I will most likely not be sitting with you again.

I know there are no perfect people. I know I need to work on grace and forgiveness. I’m so thankful for the friends I do have, and that they accept me, flaws and all. But I can promise you… I will rarely ever be late or cancel, I will NEVER EVER talk about you behind your back, I will not manipulate you, I will totally be a mess 97% of the time, and I won’t ditch you. Ever.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Hannah Carpenter

I am simply a crazy and stressed homeschool mom living in Ohio. I have five amazing kids and one incredible husband who still loves me after 15 years. Most importantly, I am a daughter of the King who is trying to honor Him everyday through my parenting, teaching, art and writing.

It Hurts Seeing My Kid as a B-List Friend

In: Friendship, Kids, Teen
Teen girl sitting alone on a dock

Kids everywhere are celebrating, or will be celebrating soon. They will be playing outside, enjoying warm summer days, bike rides with friends, and maybe even sleepovers. It’s summer—it’s fun, right? Sure, it is. And sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it isn’t fun for the kids you least expect it from. We have that issue, and I knew it was building for the past few weeks with our teenage daughter. She was moody (moodier than normal). Short tempered. Obviously frustrated, but not ready to talk about it. But it was when she came home on the last day of school, in tears,...

Keep Reading

Extroverted Moms Are Lonely Too

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Little girl kissing mother outside

I became a mom six years ago. Since the beginning of my motherhood journey, everyone mentioned the importance of finding a village and creating relationships. I was told how lonely motherhood could be at times and that searching for the right people to grow as a parent would be beneficial. What nobody prepared me for was the lack of extroverted mothers out there. I have always considered myself friendly and outgoing. Even though I really make time for my self-care and alone time, being surrounded by others and having conversations and days out is crucial for me. Part of my...

Keep Reading

The Power of One Friend Who Gets You

In: Friendship, Living
Handwritten note from BFF, color photo

When I was 10, my biggest concern in life was making the soccer team. My best friend Joie’s was saving the environment. When I was 15, I spent sleepless nights wondering if my new crush would ask me to the school dance. And Joie . . . well, she would spend sleepless nights telling me about the inequitable state of our society. When I was 22, I was knee-deep in my first career with my sights set on conquering the world of journalism. Joie joined the Peace Corps and boarded a plane to Namibia, Africa—her sights set on changing the...

Keep Reading

This Is How to Show Up for a Friend Who Has Cancer

In: Cancer, Friendship, Living
Bald woman during cancer treatments and same woman in remission, color photo

One moment I was wrestling with my toddler and rocking my 3-month-old to sleep, and the next I was staring blankly at the doctor who just told me I had stage four cancer that had metastasized from my uterus to my left lung and spleen. “Well, I didn’t see that coming,” I smiled at the young doctor who had clearly never given this kind of news to anyone before. I looked over at my husband’s shell-shocked face as he rocked our baby back and forth in the baby carrier because I was still nursing, and we knew we’d be at...

Keep Reading

5 Ways to Heal When a Friendship Ends

In: Friendship, Living
Woman standing by window looking down at phone

I recently found myself losing a friend. We’d been friends for five years, had countless playdates, went out for girls’ nights, and even our hubbies became buds. Sadly, she felt our friendship was over. This stirred in my heart memories of a few other friendships in my life that have ended. A couple I had to walk away from, and a couple I felt the pain of being let go. Whatever side you’re on, if you’ve been through it, you know how hurtful, confusing, and frustrating it is when a friendship ends. As I was navigating this suddenly strained friendship,...

Keep Reading

I’m a Mom Now But I Still Need My Friends

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Group of women in restaurant, smiling, color photo

Hi friend, I have kids now . . . and you don’t. But what you might not know is that I need you more than ever.  I swore I’d never be that friend once I had kids. I swore it would be different. (Ah, the fibs we tell ourselves before having kids.) Yes, there are stories of how children change everything—all true. The old song and dance of she changed so much once she had a baby—reluctantly, true. Or sometimes, she never has time anymore—sadly, also true.  RELATED: Friendship Changes When One of You Has a Baby What I need you...

Keep Reading

I’m a Recovering People-Pleaser

In: Friendship, Living
Child at a birthday party, old, color photo

I’ve heard it said that when God gives you a new beginning, it starts with an ending. Hi, I’m Krystal, and I’m a recovering people-pleaser.  Maybe it was my parents’ divorce or the changes that came with it, but as a child, I somehow went from the girl who (literally) beat up the block bully for picking on my fragile neighbor to a 35-year-old woman with a shaking voice, afraid to speak my mind—even in the most ridiculous situations. I frequently think back on the time I fought the neighborhood bully. The boy I hit was grades older and much...

Keep Reading

It’s My Turn to Be the Hander of Hand-Me-Downs

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Bags of hand-me-down clothes, color photo

I slosh through the snow-covered sidewalk toward my neighbor’s house with two brown Target bags in my hands. In each bag sits folded winter clothing, most notably a generous stack of fuzzy footie pajamas that no longer fit our youngest without his protruding belly pushing back on the zipper. I look down as I make my way to their house, not only due to the slippery terrain but to allow myself the last few minutes to say goodbye to these items. A moment of silence for this phase of parenting coming to an end.  A few days earlier, I decided...

Keep Reading

10 Things Your Special Needs Mom Friend Might Not Be Telling You

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Woman with head in hands

Two years ago, my youngest daughter was diagnosed with Rett Syndrome—a progressive genetic disorder characterized by the inability to speak, loss of purposeful hand use, seizures, feeding problems, and breathing issues. Many things in my life changed drastically after this, but I was perhaps most taken aback by one thing—how much my existing friendships were affected. If you have a friend who is a special needs mother, odds are there are certain things she wishes you understood about her life. The following list of hidden truths is certainly not exhaustive or representative of every parent’s situation. But it might give...

Keep Reading

Don’t Call, Text (and Other Things You Need to Know about Me As Your Mom Friend)

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
3 moms holding babies on a couch

This is the kind of mom I am right now. Don’t talk to me during gymnastics class or swim class—this is my quiet time, and I am either getting a break from life or catching up on texts and emails or looking up the hours of the trampoline park for our next playdate. My Notes app is filled with grocery list upon grocery list. I have developed systems to stay sane. When grocery shopping, I get the one item I need first rather than last because too many times I forget the one thing I need and can’t make dinner....

Keep Reading