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Baby, Friendship

Dear Friend, I Just Had a Baby But I Still Need You

  • 3  Minute Read
new mom with best friend admire newborn
Mila Supinskaya Glashchenko/Shutterstock.com

I’ve just had a beautiful baby. As a friend without babies yourself, you’re in a unique position to love on me, the new mama. And let me tell you—I need you now more than ever and I’m worried about how this baby is going to affect our friendship

No, you may not be able to give me advice or relate to my birth story. No, you have no idea what I’m going through or how I feel. But I don’t need that from you.

From you, I need open arms and caring support and a reminder of who I was before I was a mama. 

So how do you love your new mama friend?

1. Visit

Show up. Sit on my couch and cuddle my baby. Wear sweat pants and bring coffee. 

2. Invite me out

Don’t assume that I can’t join in the fun now that baby has arrived. Yes, this baby has changed my life. But I liked my life before, too. And it feels good to just be a friend every once in a while. Invite me . . . then don’t be offended if I have to cancel last minute. 

3. Listen

Pretend not to be grossed out as I tell you about my nipples or my episiotomy. Nod your head through the detailed description of the contents of the baby’s latest diaper. You probably don’t care about this, but it’s all I have to talk about right now. 

4. Talk

Tell me the latest office gossip. Tell me what’s going on in your life. I still care about you—of course I do! And it feels so good to hear about real life when all I have to talk about is poop. 

5. Offer to help

I’ll tell you that I’m doing fine. Chances are I’m not. Chances are I’m exhausted and smelly and feel like I’m in a body that isn’t mine. Insist that I take a chance to shower or nap or sit on my bed and stare at the wall in silence while you take care of baby. Insist! 

6. Love my baby

Love my baby well. There is nothing I want more than for my friends to love my child like I do. Ask about baby, call to FaceTime with her, buy her junk from the dollar store that she definitely doesn’t need. When she gets bigger and is more tricky and less cuddly, keep loving her. 

Babies change everything, including a mama’s friendships.

Let’s make this be a change for the better. Love and serve your mama friend in all of the new ways she needs you to. Because I need you so much right now. And if the day comes that you’re the new mama, I’ll pay you back tenfold. 

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Claire Brown profile image Articles by Claire Brown

Claire Brown

Claire Brown is a former preschool teacher turned Professor of Early Childhood Education. She also serves as an advocate for physically and emotionally healthy spaces in which children can learn and thrive. Claire is married to an amazing man and together they are privileged to be raising a lovely daughter. Claire’s academic interests include attachment theory, parenting strategies, and finding the perfect crab rangoon. 

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