My Heart is at Home

Author’s note: This is for all the stay at home moms who sacrifice all the finer things in life and are happy with it. I wrote this for all the moms who may be like me and like to keep things simple, thrive on mediocracy and have introverted tendencies.
This, by no means, is intended to criticize career mothers who have been blessed with the capabilities to juggle and succeed. You are nailing it. Keep going. The world needs you! That’s the beauty of it. We are all different. What one person can’t do, another person thrives at.

I don’t want to get up every morning before dawn and rush to get ready, wake up a sleeping baby, make sure everyone is fed, clean up, pack lunches, get ready to go, brave the cold, the rain or any other element. Load everything in the car, and deal with traffic. Rush a sleepy toddler through the door and drop her off somewhere with a room full of other toddlers and caretakers I barely know. I really don’t want to run around fulfilling a dozen different roles and exhausting myself all before the sun is up. Just typing all that gives me anxiety.

It is amazing how what others can do without batting an eye is a huge stretch for others.

I wasn’t made for that.

I have been there, done that and I really, truly sucked at it.

I don’t want to spend a majority of my day, week, month, life at a place that I will never get back what I put into it. I don’t want to rush through the day, sit in traffic, overextending myself beyond what I KNOW I AM CAPABLE OF.

This is not my strong point.

I can’t brag about my career, or how I am climbing the ladder.

I’m OK not being defined by my career.

I don’t want to feel guilty every time I have to take off work to deal with a sick kid or any kid-related activity.

I can’t keep up like most. I won’t bring home that big fat paycheck like most. I won’t go to Disney every year, or the beach or anywhere far really.

I won’t have the newest cars or heck even multiple car payments because we can only buy what we can afford, and I won’t have the big house . . . not right now anyway.

I won’t be telling you all about how my night school classes are going and how many credits before I have a doctorate.

You won’t see me volunteering for everything at the school, because I’m not working so shouldn’t I be? Frolicking all over town volunteering and running mindless errands for random people or groups.

I don’t go to many social parties, weddings, showers, date-nights, events, etc. If it involves a fuss and extra money, I run the other way.

I don’t have the trendiest clothes, the newest furniture, or a 70-inch flat screen in every room.

Heck, most of the time there is even at least one room under renovation, waiting for the funds to finish it.

My days are not glamorous. They are quiet, routine and basic. Yet I am NEVER bored.

I’m perfectly OK with not even leaving the house most days, with the exception of our daily walks.

I thrive on simplicity. A slow-pace and mediocrity are SO OK with me. More than OK. At this time, and this place in my life, it is perfect, the gentleness I crave.

I would be lying if I said I was never lonely or burnt out. But isn’t everyone at some point no matter what your job or life is like? For me, the benefits far out way the cons on this one though. Because I know the alternative, and I definitely can’t handle ALLLLL of that.

Being a stay-at-home mom and doing this job I KNOW means more to me than it would ever matter to anyone that I could pay to do it.

I don’t need the best, the biggest, loudest, or most of anything. This life works for me! It is easy! It makes me happy!

This is where I want to be.

I put all my energy into what I feel really matters. I don’t worry about what I should have. I am not trying to keep up. I definitely can’t be what society considers important. Because I just can’t. It goes against every bone in my body.

My house is clean, my kids are clean, happy, healthy and fed. All the bills are paid. I am not neglecting anything to pursue something else. Because after all, I have NEVER been good at balance.

We go on small trips when we can. We have everything we need. We have time to reflect, be individuals, and engage with activities IF we want and not because we have to.

None of this means I don’t have dreams and goals because I do. But there are certain things I have learned about myself at this place I am at now. I am not the type of person to juggle, multi-task or cause inconvenience. I don’t want my dreams that way.
I believe if it is meant to be God will see it through at the exact right moment. No pressure . . . no pressure! Because life is hard, raising kids is hard, being the best version of yourself is hard. And all that deserves undivided, fully focused attention.

This is where my heart is.

And this . . . this is the life I choose. Sacrifices and all.

You may also like:

Somewhere Along the Way My Dreams Changed to Staying Home With You

What Do Stay At Home Moms Do All Day?

There’s No Glory in Motherhood

This is Stay-at-Home Motherhood

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Articles by Amy Blair

Amy Blair

Amy adores her main gig as a stay at home mom to a very wise 15-year-old son and a super spunky 2-year old daughter. As an aspiring author, she loves to write and finds it very cathartic. She is working on her first book now! You might have seen some of her articles on the Today Parenting site, Pregnant Chicken, Filter Free Parents, and of course Her View from Home, you may have even heard her on a podcast here or there. You can expect to find her writing to be light-hearted and humorous, but also heavy and emotional. She is no stranger to writing about the hard stuff. No subject is off-limits, and she often exposes a tremendous amount of vulnerability. On her blog https://northfourthst.com/ she hopes that sharing her struggles and experience can teach, inspire, entertain, and make others feel not alone. When she is not writing or parenting you can find her planning her next fix of concert therapy since music is her lifeline.

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