The Sight of Pencils and Crayons Feels Like a Punch to the Gut

This caught me a little off guard—the sight of fully-stocked shelves of school supplies.

I knew they were bound to show up eventually. Stores have to carry on as usual. Summer is passing by, and school will be here before we know it.

So why did the sight of pencils, and crayons, and backpacks feel like such a punch to the gut? I guess because it is a visual reminder that a hard decision will need to be made sooner rather than later.

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We are still about six weeks away from the start of the school year in my district. I’m still waiting to hear the official reopening plans. Our family hasn’t made any definite decisions.

But here’s the thing.

When those plans are announced in the next couple of weeks, I know I won’t want to choose any of the options.

Because during a global pandemic, there are NO good options.

I love our district. I have deep respect for our administrators and teachers. I know they are working around the clock to try to come up with options that would best serve our community. And as parents, we then have to take that information and decide what is best for our children.

But WHAT is best?

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I have never had any desire to homeschool my kids. God bless all you homeschooling moms and dads. It just doesn’t feel like a good fit for our family.

Virtual learning did NOT go well this spring. There were so many tears shed. We survived, but we certainly didn’t thrive. This doesn’t feel like a good fit either.

But I also don’t want to make my kids wear a mask all day, and go through daily temperature checks, and send them into an environment where they have to socially distance from their friends and teachers, and can’t just be the carefree 6- and 8-year-olds they deserve to be. I worry about how this type of environment will affect them, especially my kindergartner. My heart breaks at the thought of introducing him to public school this way.

What if I send them to school and they get sick, or unknowingly make someone else sick? That would be awful.

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But I also wonder if keeping them home is the best choice. I worry virtual learning will be a complete disaster. I worry about their mental health. I worry about my mental health.

Everyone says to trust your gut, but you know what my gut is saying?

Choose answer D—none of the above.

But that isn’t an option. I will have to make a choice. I just pray that with whatever choice is made, I can find some kind of peace. Because my gut could use a break from being tied in knots.