By Krystal Sieben 
I came to a huge realization this year. One that took me over a decade to understand. When you are a mom, no one is going to give you a break. I’m learning you just need to take it.
If I had realized this about 12 years ago, it would have saved a lot of my energy, frustration, and stress.
I’m a natural giver. It gives me anxiety to think someone has done more for me than I have for them. Anytime someone offers me kindness, I have a running tally in my head of what I owe them, how I can make sure I’m not taking too much or being selfish.
As moms, I think we get into such ruts of stress and burnout because we are always making sure everyone else is happy, okay, tended to, or cared for before we take a break and care for ourselves. Is everyone around me thriving? Then, I’ll take a little break. The enormous problem with this is the chances of an entire family being in tip-top shape all at once are very slim. Like a never-ending game of whack-a-mole, if we are always tending to the minutiae of everyone else before ourselves, we will never get our turn.
So, back to my realization. No one is coming to rescue us from our mental and physical load. We have to rescue ourselves. No one is going to offer us a break, we need to take it.
What does this look like? For me, it started with small things. Instead of jumping out of bed first thing in the morning, I let my husband get up first. Little by little it became his routine. I’m talking 10 minutes, but, he now makes something for the kids to eat every morning without missing a beat. And I think he enjoys doing it. These 10 minutes give me time to think about the day, maybe wash my face, get out of bed, and not immediately tend to someone.
It also looks like letting go of the reins in some areas, which, I know, for us moms is super hard. My nephews are now 16 and 14. I text them a lot to babysit for a few hours. Is the house messy when I return? Of course. Have they been playing video games a bunch? Yes. Are my kids in absolute heaven spending two hours with their older cousins who they idolize? Absolutely. It’s a gift to allow them to bond and spend time alone forming their own relationships. I need to let go and allow them to do this and take a minute for myself as well.
And, finally, taking a break from the self-talk in my own mind shaming me for being lazy, selfish, a bad mom when I’m not busting it at all times. I literally talk back to that voice and remind myself I’m just as important as everyone else in the house and I, too, need to enjoy my life apart from tending to all the things.
Taking for myself has given my kids a happier house. A calmer house. A better relationship to model with my husband and most importantly, a mom who is more than a martyr. A mom who has hobbies and interests and a happy life. And I’m positive this is much more important than being a mom who gets everything done.
No one is going to give you a break. It’s up to you to take it—for yourself . . . and for them.
by Susan Davidson 
by Kimberly Keys 
