By Jenna Stehler 
Last year, my son stopped believing in Santa Claus. He’d been asking a lot of questions, and I knew it was coming. But still, it broke my heart just a little. I couldn’t help but cry as I told him he was now part of keeping the Christmas magic alive for others. And when my son asked why I seemed sad, I did my best to explain the tears. I told him this milestone meant it was time to say goodbye to this version of him, that this stage of his life was ending and a new one was beginning. And while I was so excited to see what would come next, I would really miss the little boy who searched the sky for Santa’s sleigh.
We’ve already said goodbye so many times–to the toddler who called elevators “up and downs,” to the kindergartener who proudly dressed as Paddington on book character day. To his brother at age two who refused to leave the house without wearing a fedora or cowboy hat. And to the 3-year-old who dipped all of his food in “boo cheese.” These goodbyes happened without us even realizing it as amazing new chapters began for each kiddo. There is truly both joy and sadness in watching your children grow up.
I can’t help but think of all the times my own mom had to say goodbye to versions of me over the years: to the 4-year-old who put on full performances in the bathtub, the 6-year-old who loved to dress her brother up in dance costumes, the 8-year-old who cried for the stuffed animals who couldn’t fit in bed and would sleep alone, the 10-year-old who put on fashion shows with her new outfits. Countless goodbyes to the little girl whose mommy was her whole world—so many versions of me that now only exist in her memories.
Something so beautiful about my mom becoming a grandma to my children is that it means she gets to spend a little more time with little me. There’s no doubt that my mom adores her grandkids. From spoiling them with double desserts to snuggling them during sleepovers, when she is with them she glows with happiness. But now I also appreciate the joy she feels when she exclaims, “You remind me so much of mommy!” I know that in those moments, she is seeing the little girl she’s missed for so long.
She sees my eyes when my children smile. As my daughter warily wobbles toward her, I can tell she’s imagining my first steps. She cries from laughter when my son puts on a show, and I know she is reliving my own performances. Each of these moments unlocks a precious memory, and for a short while, she’s with me again. And what a gift that is–for both of us. In those moments, she has a small piece of me back, and I have the hope that I will one day experience my favorite versions of my children again. There’s a sense of peace in believing that each goodbye is not goodbye for good.
It’s bittersweet to see our children grow and change. How quickly they go from asking to be picked up to asking for an allowance. And all too soon “Mommy, please” becomes “seriously, bruh.” But there’s so much sweetness in knowing there’s a chance to get little pieces of our kiddos back when it’s our turn to become grandmas. A little more time with our littles. And for that I am so very grateful.
by Amy Keyes 
by Lauren Eberspacher 
