Slightly over protective, chatty, super fun mom of two seeks other mom for friendship. Must love food and not skip meals. Must not judge when I eat too many meals or have the biggest piece of cake in the history of kid birthday parties. Must love cake. If the potential friend doesn’t like cake, will consider friend if they at least love chocolate. Must love to go out for ice cream with the kids occasionally. 
Must not judge me for always wearing makeup and heels. Will not judge potential friend ever on any attire, even if attire is stained. Potential friend will know to reassure this mom when things go bad at the dermatologist and this mom leaves looking like a monster. Note: Yes, this really happened. I went in to get a treatment for my face and left looking like I was a junkie. (There were scabs everywhere!) 
Must actually love and like to be around our kids. Can understand when you mutter sometimes that they’re driving you crazy. The feeling can be mutual– but must really enjoy them a good chunk of the time. Must try to not utter profanities in front of children (I know that we slip sometimes). You are forgiven immediately for caring that you slipped. F word. Oops.
Must love to see psychological or supernatural thrillers (without the kids). If you let your kids watch these movies, read no further, this ad is not for you. Must freak out like I do when you know the bad guy is hiding behind the door. Must understand when this mom screams during the scary part of the movie.
Must not laugh when this mom’s cupcakes look like Pinterest fails. Must still want to eat the cupcakes with me. Must eat them with me over a glass of wine. If the potential friend does not drink alcohol, that’s okay, will accept coffee or hot chocolate drinker instead.
Must keep it real. Must not get annoyed when this mom freaks out about a lice outbreak at school. Must be such good friend that if household gets lice, friend may be grossed out and wearing a shower cap, but will come over if I get lice (and husband cannot remove it all!). This grossed out but good potential friend of yours (ME) will also come over to your house and pick lice out of your hair for you, too.
Must be willing to have each other’s backs. That means that we stand up for each other, celebrate, and commiserate together. Must not act uncomfortable if this mom ever cries or is upset. The same will be true for you, too. This mom will never judge you if you shed tears.
Must be okay with being on this mom’s emergency contact list. Will accept you as a friend if you like my kids MOST of the time. Must be able to go and get them if the world implodes and my husband and I cannot get to them. Will do the same for you and your kids.
Must laugh at this list. Must say to self: this person is crazy, I like her.

Erica Sutherland

E. Sutherland resides in California with her husband and two children. Along with working full-time and being a mom (which is her favorite job!) she also writes in her spare time. Every essay is inspired by her children.