I’ve been hit with a major nostalgia wave this week as one of my dearest friends welcomed her secondborn son. Since I am a photographer, I was the first visitor at the hospital (what an honor), and as soon as I walked through the hospital doors, I felt it. Nostalgia. Longing. Love.
Secondborn babies have a special spot in a mama’s heart for many reasons. For me, it was a stark contrast to the traumatic birth of my first, and I know my friend felt the same. As I entered the sterile but cheerful recovery room, she was literally glowing. I remembered the feeling. The relief after birthing a second baby, like “Hey, that wasn’t so bad” or “Maybe I actually have this down more than I thought.”
We took some pictures, and she snuggled him so close the whole time. His squishy and plump little body pressed on her chest. A cozy blanket from home covered their bodies, and her perfect baby blue toenails peeked out from below. “Look at all his hair!” she happily stated. At that moment, there was no anxiety, no confusion, no worries, no questions. Just happiness. In between pictures, she would peek around at his perfect little face.
Here’s the thing about second-time moms: we know how fleeting those first days are. We know how fragile this special time is. We know, too well, how incredibly fast it goes. It’s there . . . and then it’s gone. So, we snuggle a little more. We let go of the small things a little more. We don’t adhere to the rules we thought we needed to with our first.
“I’ve been breaking the rules and letting him sleep with me,” she sent me a text a few days after his birth. I remember doing the exact same thing. My second didn’t spend one minute in that little plastic crib the nurses give you. He snuggled with me every minute—watching TV late at night in the hospital while I nursed, during the quiet mornings when we napped. I would give anything to relive those first days again.
Secondborn babies are often “easy,” but I don’t think it’s them . . . it’s us. It’s easier for us because we have experience, we have confidence, we receive less advice, we have less to prove. Any self-doubt we had as mothers with our first is replaced with the best thing a mom can have—self-trust. We know what works; we know what matters. We know what to focus on, what to soak in. We know what we are doing, and it’s comforting.
A second baby truly is second to none. It’s a whole new experience mothering an infant without all the questions and concerns—it’s peaceful, beautiful, and unique.
A secondborn baby might not get things the first baby got—elaborate showers, babymoons, brand new baby clothes, the perfect nursery, a brand-new crib, perfectly put-together baby books, overly excited grandparents, all the fanfare. But they get a mom with experience, confidence, perspective, and the knowledge of just how incredibly special a newborn is. Just how lucky we are to experience it. And most of all, the feeling of “mama’s got this.”
To all those special secondborn babies out there, you have a special place in your mama’s hearts. Don’t ever forget it.