Dear grandparents,
We are your children. As we have entered or are about to enter parenthood ourselves, we need your help now more than ever. We need your support during this challenging, complicated, and beautiful journey.
Life is different now than it was when you were a kid. It’s a lot different than when we were kids, too. We won’t be able to parent the same way you did, no matter how good or not-so-good it was. Please, reserve your judgment. Each stage—from diapers to college—comes with so many stressful elements already. We really don’t need anything piled on top of it.
So, if I need to cook over a hot stove safely, and I hand my kid a tablet to distract him, I’d like you to gift me with understanding instead of a side-eye. If I meet my kid’s tantrum with nothing more than to sit next to her, whether because I want to gentle parent or because I’m purely too exhausted to do anything else, know that I’m doing my best.
Some days I wish things were simpler. In raising kids today, we have different worries than you did when I was young. The internet and the accessibility of modern technology have changed the game completely. School curriculums have been modified and altered. Things that used to be safe, like letting your kids ride a bike to a friend’s house, just might not be safe anymore.
We’ve got different guidelines on parenting techniques too. It is likely that my kids eat different foods and wear different clothing than I did. We are more heavily encouraged to talk about feelings so that we as parents, and they as children, can learn and grow from each other. You might catch me approaching my kids with curiosity to figure out the root of a behavior instead of just shutting the behavior down.
In some ways, change has made parenting easier. In some ways, harder. I’m on a steep learning curve myself. Don’t take offense if I don’t parent the way you did or the way you would like me to now. Our approaches may be different, but my goal is the same as yours: to raise children to be healthy and happy.
In addition to your understanding or empathy, I would love to have your support for these small humans who I’m trying to see through to adulthood. Be there for them the way you were for me. I need you to be a grandparent, not a parent to them.
Regardless of whether you live near or far, be present in the moments you have together. You may not understand how to play the latest video game the kids are over the moon about, or why my 4-year-old is obsessed with Bluey, but you can still take joy in their joy.
Your job as a parent of a child/children is long over. I hope there is relief in that and that you know how grateful I am that you did your best for me. Enjoy this chapter! Take this time to be silly as you chase my daughter around the playground, read that same beloved book 10 times in a row, or bring the kids their favorite treat regardless of the time of day or proximity to a meal. You get to breathe and be the fun one!
Please give me grace when I need it. Maybe I didn’t get to call you because the baby didn’t sleep most of the night, and I’m trying to scrub greasy handprints off my wall. Perhaps I was short with you or the kids because I felt so overwhelmed by all that parenthood and life were throwing at me. I need your support too.
Pick up the kids from school when I am sick. Bring us a meal or order us a pizza when we just can’t cook one more day. Fix that broken screen door that my toddler busted through. If you can’t do any of those things, that’s okay. Be a listening ear when I’m having a tough day. Validate my feelings because I know you’ve had hard days too. Do these things because you care, not because you are expecting anything in return. Know that I am grateful for all of the help, but especially grateful that you were there without expectation or judgment.
I am also grateful that your journey of parenting led me to my own. I hope we can thrive in this new chapter together. A grandparent is an invaluable part of a grandchild’s life. I hope you find a special connection with my kids. I love you, and I’m rooting for you.
Sincerely,
Your kid
by Shannon Whitmore 
by Audra Powers 
by Caroline Murray 
