Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

Yes . . . I gave in.
 
I gave in to many things with my son.
 
Things like feeding on demand.
 
Never putting him down.

Endless cuddles.

Picking him up every time I heard a whimper.

RELATED: Your Sleeping Baby Has a Message For You, Mama: Slow Down

Every single safety gadget imaginable purchased and in place.
 
And as he got older, continued to give in . . .
 
To snacks of cookies, meals of goldfish, more hugs, cake before dinner, sleeping in my bed . . .
 
Carrying him everywhere even when he could walk . . .
 
Not making him “cry it out” . . . 
 
I ignored snide comments about, “If you do that for him, he will turn out like this,” and, “You spoil him, he’s already two years old,” and, “Don’t pick him up just because he’s crying.” 

And am I paying for it now?

If you mean knowing I gave my son some ease for a few years after he spent months in the hospital being poked, prodded, and in pain instead of happily growing in my belly . . . then I will pay for it all day, every single day.

RELATED: To My Child: I Will Lay With You Every Night As Long As You Need

Because even though my little guy may be “spoiled,” this mama was just so darn happy, grateful, and relieved that he was home and healthy . . . because those first several weeks of life with him were simply terrifying.
 
Those weeks of scrubbing in every morning to visit my own baby who was very sick were excruciating.
 
Those weeks of watching him cry and not being able to comfort him were heartbreaking.
 
So did I give in? YES.

Do I regret it? NO.

He is a smart, kind-hearted, sensitive, and brave little boy.
 
And he’s mine.

RELATED: Dear NICU Mom, You Were Chosen To Be the Mother of a Miracle

Sometimes it’s OK to let yourself get caught up in giving in . . . because it means we have a little one to give in to.
 
And that is a true blessing.
 
This post originally appeared on Project NICU
 
  
 

Pam Frasco

Pam Frasco is a proud preemie mama two-times over and founder of Project Preemie. Her experience with 31.5 weeker Sonny and 30.5 weeker Sal has given her a passion to connect with and give back to the Preemie & NICU Communities. Pam is a long-time March of Dimes supporter fundraising over $50,000 for the Cleveland March for Babies walk. Pam lives in Cleveland with her two sons, husband Nicholas and two Boston Terriers. 

You’re Learning Life by Watching Me

In: Kids, Motherhood
Child touching mother's face as they lie on a bed

Every morning my daughter and I go outside for some fresh air. She feeds her chickens and plays and explores and walks around with her dog while I follow her around and have a cup of coffee.  This morning, my girl grabbed one of her coffee cups from her toy kitchen and brought it outside with her while she walked with her dog and pretended to take sips out of it.  Guys. I stood there watching her with her toy coffee cup, walking around with her animals, and I cried giant baby tears.  RELATED: I Wasn’t Counting On You Growing...

Keep Reading

The Isolation of Motherhood

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Mom sitting beside stroller, black and white image

During my early years of having children, I can recall feeling like I needed more help with juggling—taking care of my little ones and our home. Although my mother-in-law was only a 10-minute drive away, she was preoccupied looking after my nephew and nieces. Awkwardly, I would only ask if it was really necessary—like a doctor’s appointment or the dentist. Even at church, it was difficult to ask for help—either we didn’t know certain members well enough to entrust our kids to their care or they were friends with children too and that hardly seemed fair to burden them. The...

Keep Reading

What Happens to the Mamas When Their Children Are Grown?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Five children walking hand-in-hand, color photo

A friend came up to me the other day after church and commented, “I’ve never seen you alone. I had to make sure you were okay.” It’s true. I’m never alone. I usually have one or two children hanging onto me and three more milling about with my husband close. But at that moment, my husband had stepped away to collect the younger ones from the children’s service, and my older two had run off with their friends. I was standing alone. And as I stood there, one thought crossed my mind, “This is what it will be like when...

Keep Reading

Hello Midnight

In: Motherhood
Mother in child's room at night

Hello again, Midnight. I wish I could say I was happy to see you. My, what a journey we have had together over the years. I must admit I thought we started out as friends, but as we meet these days, I sense an unkindness about you. Our journey began when I was somewhere around 12. Sure, I had met you in passing on occasion in years prior, but it wasn’t until now that I sought out your companionship. Some middle school girlfriends and I stayed up late, feeling rebellious against bedtime. We were fascinated by the way the world...

Keep Reading

Please Don’t Ask When I’m Having Another Baby

In: Baby, Motherhood
Pregnant woman standing lakeside, color photo

We’ve all been asked it. Maybe once, maybe more times than we can count. Maybe we’ve even asked it ourselves, “When are you trying for baby #2?” It seems harmless, and most of the time it probably is. Pre-baby me never even stopped to consider that it was anything other than a curious, sometimes nosey, question to ask. The mom version of me today feels a completely different way. It’s now deeper and more complicated than it seemed in the past. The mom in me struggles every single time I’m asked this. Struggles to come up with an answer. Struggles...

Keep Reading

I Am a Wrestling Mom

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three young boys with wrestling medals, color photo

As the sun is rising on a frigid winter morning, a brave and determined group of athletes are weighing in at a high school gym. They are physically and mentally preparing for a long day spent at a tournament where they will spend only minutes wrestling, despite the hours they sit and wait all day. Their sport uses offense, defense, and mental strength unlike any other sport. My sons and nephew are wrestlers. They are part of a special team of athletes who work together but compete as individuals.           Their youth team is run by all volunteer coaches with...

Keep Reading

3 Ways to Help Your Firstborn Embrace Becoming a Big Brother

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Pregnant woman holding toddler son, color photo

My oldest son turned four right after his first brother was born. Four years of alone time with his parents. Four years of extra mommy time during the week. Four years of having toys to himself, extra attention from family members, and more. I didn’t plan a four-year age gap; it took our family a lot longer and a lot more help than we expected to have our second son, but age gaps aren’t everything. When my second son was finally on the way, I heard a lot of opinions about how our oldest son would feel once he finally...

Keep Reading

To the Mom Going through a Divorce

In: Living, Marriage, Motherhood
Woman holding young girl outside, blurred background

To the mom going through a divorce: you can do this. I’ve been where you are, staring at a mountain of changes and challenges that felt insurmountable. The crushing ache of divorce, of family disruption, of building a new life, and helping my son through it all seemed endless and impossible. But eventually, I made it through to the other side, and I want you to know: the pain won’t last forever.  The first year following a divorce is an overwhelming puzzle of putting your life back together. And when there are kids involved, there is so much more to...

Keep Reading

Dear Busy Sports Mom: It’s Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Mom watching soccer game, photo from behind

My daughter stands on the front porch every morning and waves goodbye to me as I pull out of the driveway to go to work.  She is 11, and recently eye-rolling, long sighs, and tears have become more commonplace in our daily interactions. But, there is also this: “Bye! Have a good day!” she calls to me in the quiet of early morning, neighbors not yet awake in their still dark houses. “You are AMAZING! You got this!” she continues in her little adult voice, sounding more like a soccer mom than a fifth grader.   Her hair is still a...

Keep Reading

To My Son at 12

In: Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Young boy on a baseball diamond, color photo

My son, you are 12 years old. You are a young boy in the last days before you become a young man. You are a boy fully realized, having reached the summit of childhood. You can read fat books, catch fly balls, and ride your bike to your friends’ houses. You still get excited about Pokémon cards and Nintendo games. You still want LEGO sets for your birthday and Christmas even though you enjoy them more for the building and delight of owning them than for the playing.  You still wrestle and sword fight with your little brother. RELATED: My...

Keep Reading