Yes . . . I gave in.
 
I gave in to many things with my son.
 
Things like feeding on demand.
 
Never putting him down.

Endless cuddles.

Picking him up every time I heard a whimper.

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Every single safety gadget imaginable purchased and in place.
 
And as he got older, continued to give in . . .
 
To snacks of cookies, meals of goldfish, more hugs, cake before dinner, sleeping in my bed . . .
 
Carrying him everywhere even when he could walk . . .
 
Not making him “cry it out” . . . 
 
I ignored snide comments about, “If you do that for him, he will turn out like this,” and, “You spoil him, he’s already two years old,” and, “Don’t pick him up just because he’s crying.” 

And am I paying for it now?

If you mean knowing I gave my son some ease for a few years after he spent months in the hospital being poked, prodded, and in pain instead of happily growing in my belly . . . then I will pay for it all day, every single day.

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Because even though my little guy may be “spoiled,” this mama was just so darn happy, grateful, and relieved that he was home and healthy . . . because those first several weeks of life with him were simply terrifying.
 
Those weeks of scrubbing in every morning to visit my own baby who was very sick were excruciating.
 
Those weeks of watching him cry and not being able to comfort him were heartbreaking.
 
So did I give in? YES.

Do I regret it? NO.

He is a smart, kind-hearted, sensitive, and brave little boy.
 
And he’s mine.

RELATED: Dear NICU Mom, You Were Chosen To Be the Mother of a Miracle

Sometimes it’s OK to let yourself get caught up in giving in . . . because it means we have a little one to give in to.
 
And that is a true blessing.
 
This post originally appeared on Project NICU
 
  
 

Pam Frasco

Pam Frasco is a proud preemie mama two-times over and founder of Project Preemie. Her experience with 31.5 weeker Sonny and 30.5 weeker Sal has given her a passion to connect with and give back to the Preemie & NICU Communities. Pam is a long-time March of Dimes supporter fundraising over $50,000 for the Cleveland March for Babies walk. Pam lives in Cleveland with her two sons, husband Nicholas and two Boston Terriers.