By Kelley Mack 
There were many, many things (okay almost everything) I didn’t account for when preparing to become a new mom, but being triggered by a baby shower was definitely not on that bingo card.
I was six months into my new gig as Mom, just far enough out from the “new, new” to start feeling somewhat normal but plenty close for my new life to still be overwhelming and ever-changing.
When I arrived at the shower, I started catching up with everyone, many of whom I hadn’t seen since giving birth. The standard questions of “How are you?! How’s baby? Do you just love every second?! Let me see pictures!” hit differently too. Of course, I was full of pride to share photos and kept my responses surface level: “She’s great! It’s great! We’re figuring it out!” Not a total lie but not the total truth either, and I felt it.
Then it was time for gifts and an activity when guests were encouraged to write down advice for the soon-to-be mom and share it aloud when she opened your present.
Don’t blink! Soak up every second. Motherhood is the best gift you’ll ever receive. Mom is the best title I’ve ever worn. I just feel complete. I’m so happy for you to wear it too!”
With each rainbow-and-sunshine piece of advice, I was feeling increasingly cloudy and gray. Yes, some of this advice came from moms of teens or grown adults who were far enough out of the newborn stage to have understandably forgotten the minute details and intense emotions of day-to-day baby life.
But to my surprise and confusion, the advice was also coming from new moms just a few months ahead of me in their journeys. What am I missing here, ladies? Is this mom thing a cakewalk for everyone but me? Did I miss the memo that motherhood actually is supposed to be a perfectly filtered Instagram grid?
By the time it was my turn, I didn’t trust myself to share my advice—real, raw, more rain than bows—aloud without melting into a postpartum puddle of tears, which, of course, I did later, but at the shower, I nodded in agreement through a gritted teeth grin.
I felt so conflicted, confused, and alone leaving that shower. Not only did I feel bad for myself, I felt bad for the guest of honor too. Am I doing something wrong that I’m the only one who can see so clearly through the smoke and mirrors of that advice? Should I not be feeling all the things I’m feeling? Am I a bad mom? What if my friend’s experience is drastically different than what these friends are telling her it WILL be? Will she feel blindsided or confused like me?
Ever since, I’ve been cognizant of what or how I’ve shared advice with soon-to-be or new mom friends because normal is everything and nothing in motherhood, but shame and doubt can be all-consuming. Here’s what I wish I’d heard more of at that first postpartum baby shower, both for myself and my friend:
Your birth story is your very own and unlike anyone else’s. And that’s okay.
You may find motherhood comes easily to you, like you were destined to be a mom all along. Or you may find it to be more of an out-of-body experience you were completely unprepared for. And that’s okay.
However you choose to feed your baby is however you choose to feed your baby. And that’s okay.
Your baby may be a good sleeper or your baby may not be. And that’s okay.
You may function highly on no sleep or you may certainly not (hi, it’s me). And that’s okay.
You may be a schedule kind of girl or you may not be. And that’s okay.
You may choose to fully dress and accessorize your baby every day or you may grab a plain onesie from yesterday you just washed. And that’s okay.
You may choose to dress yourself every day or you may find yourself wondering how long it’s been since you first put on that shirt. And that’s okay.
You may be so ready to go back to work after maternity leave or you may wish unlimited leave was a thing. And that’s okay.
You may love all the advice coming at you through your screen friends Google, Instagram, and TikTok or you may wish you never knew them. And that’s okay.
You’re going to have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. And that’s okay. (Also, you never really will. Also okay).
You may need a whole lotta help and a whole lotta your own mom (hi, it’s me again!), or you may need just a little of both. And that’s okay.
You’re going to feel however you feel—maybe happy, maybe thankful, maybe sad, maybe hopeless, maybe content, maybe scared, maybe confident, maybe everything, maybe nothing—whenever you feel it, for however long you feel it. And that’s okay.
Your motherhood journey is just that . . . yours. It’s yours to set and break boundaries for yourself, your baby, your family—however you choose. It’s yours to experience for yourself, however that looks. It’s yours to define, however do it.
Your journey is yours. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay, actually, it’s just right.
by Coralle Skye 
